1st annual GaaBoard Come dine with me.

[JUst retired]

 Maybye he wants his traditional route,sorry soup.

[Evil Genius]

Did evil genius refuse to attend or did he march out before starters in the unionist tradition?

Nope, I've been abroad (different timezone, no internet access etc).

Anyhow, never having seen CDWM, I had to search for it the other day and I just managed to get through watching an episode.

Seems to me that it's not so much a culinary challenge, as a competition to see how many wan kers you can get in your front room for an evening. Therefore I would like to thank Muppet for providing me with an unbeatable Guest List for my little soiree at Crab Key...

The Menu shall be arranged with a course specially chosen for each diner, as follows.

Starter: The Irish not being the most imaginative of people, it is inevitable that this meal must start with Soup. This will be dedicated to hardstation, since despite his being a mere youngster, he strikes me as being a bit of a traditionalist. He also has an admirable fondness for the Irish language, being quite stinging with anyone who messes it up. Therefore it will be bowls of Anraith neantog all round. (And yes, I am aware that that is missing an accent, but I don't know where these are to be found on my keyboard)

Secundo: From reading his posts, it is safe to assume that Olly used to play with his food when he was a child. Therefore I will be serving up plates of Alphabetti Spaghetti, on the basis that if he doesn't actually like pasta, he will at least be able to compose a letter of complaint with it to amuse us all. That said, I shall be making a point of ensuring that he doesn't get wired into the drink too early, otherwise it could spell disaster...

Entree: For this course, I shall be serving up some "Rocky Mountain Oysters". This shall be in tribute to Pints of Guinness, on the basis that after over 13,000 posts, it will do him no harm to have to eat his words.

Main: This one is for me, and shall consist of the finest food that Fermanagh may afford, namely Arney Trout fried in Derrygonnelly butter, and served with some freshly dug Kerrs Pinks, boiled ("balls of flour"). The vegetable accompaniment shall be some nice white cabbage, boiled briefly in salted water, then finely chopped and fried in some of that morning's leftover bacon fat from breakfast. The whole will be served with a white onion sauce, and washed down with a nice cold pint of milk, preferably unpasteurised. I should add that any request for ketchup, brown sauce or a bit of fadge etc, shall be treated with the scorn it deserves, since although this is simple fare, it is not uncouth.

Dessert: Dedicated to Nally Stand, this shall be an Orange Sorbet, on the basis that even if he can never get his head round the thinking of the other tradition in Ireland, he at least might be able to get his lips round something like it. I hope the cold won't make his fillings fall out.

Cheese Course: A selection, all of it hard, as a tribute to Muppet, for dreaming up this caper, without thinking of reserving a place for himself!

As for Drinks, there shall be a selection served throughout, including about half a bottle of Jagermeister that's been sitting in the back of the Press since the last century; some Lemon liqueur from Italy that (somehow) seemed worth bringing back from holiday; a bottle of poteen which I have never dared to open; some French wine that may have matured with age or may equally have turned to vinegar; a bottle of cheap Port and some miniatures of indeterminate origin and provenance (possibly stolen). Of course, if guests want a proper drink, they are free to bring their own; I personally shall be drinking bottles of "Mother's Milk" (aka Smithwicks).

Finally, in return for the above sumptuous repast, guests will each be required to perform their Party Piece, which in my case shall be a recitation of the best of Rev. W.F. Marshall.

"I'm livin in Drumlister,
An' I'm gettin' very oul'
I have to wear an Indian bag
To save me from the coul'.
The deil a man in this townlan'
Wos claner raired nor me,
But I'm livin' in Drumlister
In clabber to the knee"

 

[sammymaguire]

That menu is a turn up for the books. Very thoughtful EG

[Puckoon]

some Lemon liqueur from Italy that (somehow) seemed worth bringing back from holiday

Feckin' lemoncello? I had an awful Christmas hangover on the stuff this year.

[ONeill]

EG wins, for me.

[Denn Forever]

(And yes, I am aware that that is missing an accent, but I don't know where these are to be found on my keyboard)

To get an accent gravé or fada, press Alt Gr and type th letter you want accented.  áéíóú

[Tony Baloney]

EG wins, for me.

+1

[Oraisteach]

An EG winner.

(Denn, what is that "Gr" of which you write?)

[Tony Baloney]

An EG winner.

(Denn, what is that "Gr" of which you write?)

Alternative Grey button in old spake.

Mine is immediately to right of spacebar on my laptop.

[Denn Forever]

Secundo: From reading his posts, it is safe to assume that Olly used to play with his food when he was a child. Therefore I will be serving up plates of Alphabetti Spaghetti, on the basis that if he doesn't actually like pasta, he will at least be able to compose a letter of complaint with it to amuse us all. That said, I shall be making a point of ensuring that he doesn't get wired into the drink too early, otherwise it could spell disaster...

In keeping with the ethos of the program, can I suggest that you remove all the vowels and really annoy him.

[Fear ón Srath Bán]

EG wins, for me.

Indeed, for once EG's fiction is an unalloyed joy! 

[saffron sam2]

EG wins, for me.

Indeed, for once EG's fiction is an unalloyed joy! 

Whilst hardstation's menu brings back many happy memories of west Belfast at its best, EG's menu is the definite winner IMO.

And unusually it doesn't need to be taken with a pinch of salt.

[muppet]

It seems we have a clear winner, even if it appears I was bribed with eh cheese, which reminds me of Fianna Fáil's policy to deal with the financial crisis. This time it worked better. Evil Genius and his Neantóg Soup, Alphabetti Spaggetti & Aphrodisiac Entree wins it. (I'm surprised no one asked which guest in particular he was hoping to arouse.)

Thanks to all of the contestants who went to such great trouble, your cheque (along with some dodgy cheese) is in the post.

Given the lack of interest in the other provinces, could it be that Ulster is the centre of Ireland's culinary expertise?

If I get a nominee from each of the other three Provinces I will continue (MGHU looks nailed on for Connacht) our quest. Otherwise I will have find something else to amuse myself.

[Evil Genius]

It seems we have a clear winner, even if it appears I was bribed with eh cheese, which reminds me of Fianna Fáil's policy to deal with the financial crisis. This time it worked better. Evil Genius and his Neantóg Soup, Alphabetti Spaggetti & Aphrodisiac Entree wins it. (I'm surpassed no one asked which guest in particular he was hoping to arouse.)

Thanks to all of the contestants who went to such great trouble, your cheque (along with some dodgy cheese) is in the post.

Given the lack of interest in the other provinces, could it be that Ulster is the centre of Ireland's culinary expertise?

If I get a nominee from each of the other three Provinces I will continue (MGHU looks nailed on for Connacht) our quest. Otherwise I will have find something else to amuse myself.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I shall now have to go away and compose my Acceptance Speech, which will be delivered in the style (and Evening Dress) of Emma Thompson at the Oscars.

But before I do, there remain some outstanding points:
1. Denn Forever's suggestion of removing all the vowels from Olly's Alphabetti Spaghetti is theoretically a good one, but I fear it wouldn't work, since he'd probably still complain in Polish, or Welsh, thereby having the last laugh;
2. When choosing Rocky Mountain Oysters in honour of POG, the clue was in "eating his words" (though I find it slightly disturbing that this brought Aphrodisia to your mind);
Late Edit: The thought now occurs that maybe some people are unaware that 'Rocky Mountain Oysters' aren't really oysters - http://whatscookingamerica.net/History/RockyMtnOyster.htm
3. I stated that I hoped the cold of his Orange Sorbet wouldn't cause Nally's fillings to fall out; on reflection, I actually hope it does;
4. I'm afraid no date can be reserved for the Meal unless and until I receive confirmation of attendance from the other guests, including details of their respective Party Piece (I need to check that my Insurance covers all eventualities, such as Farmyard Animals, Rubberware and Riverdance);
5. Until the temparature warms up, the fresh in the river subsides and I can dig some good blackhead worms, the Arney Trout for the Main Course may have to be replaced with a tin of Pink Salmon. I trust that this won't cause any disappointment, since even the cheap stuff from Aldi is probably too good for the calibre of guest you've lumbered me with.


"Me Da lived up in Carmin,
An' kep a sarvint boy.
His second wife was very sharp,
He birried her with joy.
Now she wos thin, her name was Flynn
She come from Cullentra,
An' if me shirt's a clatty shirt
The man to blames me Da"

[Maguire01]

EG wins, for me.

EG wins, for me.

+1

An EG winner.

EG wins, for me.

Indeed, for once EG's fiction is an unalloyed joy! 

EG's menu is the definite winner IMO.

Is this what we call Unionist outreach?