Economic Models

[mylestheslasher]

Got this by email today - very good.


SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATIC
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the
milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

AN INVESTMENT BANK
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute adebt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the sh** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.

NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go to a bar to celebrate.

AN IRISH CORPORATION
You have 1 Cow, she runs the HSE!

[Hardy]

AN ARMAGH CORPORATION
You have one cow.
You will only ever have one cow.

A TYRONE CORPORATION
You have three cows.
They keep falling down for no reason.
The more they fall down, the more cows you seem to get.

A DUBLIN CORPORATION
What's a cow?

We'll have fun with this yet.

[Bensars]

 A DONEGAL CORPOARATION
You have two cows.
One was promised to be milked first.
Without notice the second was then promised to be milked first.
The first cow is taking their unjust treatment  to the milk marketing board.
The farmer doesnt know what a cow is!

[5 Sams]

A KERRY CORPORATION

They own most of the cows ever produced in the world apart from the ones stolen by other corporations while they were asleep.

They will probably take possession of most of the cows produced in the foreseeable future.

A DOWN CORPORATION

They staged their own version of the Táin Bó Cuailnge at the start of the 60s only in reverse and subsequently stole 5 cows from those pesky southerners.

They havent had one of the those cows since 1994 but they will talk about them forever.

[armaghniac]

A MAYO CORPORATION

You have many calves.
They grow up to be cows.
They never give any milk.


A KILDARE CORPORATION

You have many horses.
You have little experience of cows.
You send for managers with experience of cows.

[Orior]

DUBLIN CORPORATION (1970s)

You put a Heifer in charge, but it takes no bull.

[Puckoon]

A MEATH CORPORATION

You have had 4 cows in 25 years
They tr**p the shite out of the grass and then crap all over it.

Thankfully they can dine out on the silage from the 90s

A DONEGAL CORPORATION

You have 15 prize cows.
No one can find them as they are out on the rip.

A DERRY CORPORATION

All the cows are gone
You have an abundance of Donkeys.

[Zapatista]

Cork -

You have 2 Cows, they decide not to produce milk until they get to pick their own farmer.

Offaly -

You have two cows. One for milk and the other for beef. Niether are of much use.

Dublin-

You have two cows, both have been clamped. You pay for their release. Both have been stolen.

Roscommon -

You have two cows, they think they are sheep.

Derry -

You have two cows, they fight for control of the field. You have them slaughtered.

[stephenite]

That's very funny Zap

[The Watcher Pat]

The Antrim Corperation

You have 2 cow's. One only gets out of the cowshed for one day a year. The other gets to play with the calves for most of the year before being put back into the shed before the summers over

[Zapatista]

Mayo -

You have three cows. You prepare a beautiful field for them. Your two best cows emigrate. You are waiting until your cows come home.

That's very funny Zap

Meath-

You have one cow. Your worship it. You build a shrine to it. You build a road through the shrine.


Tipp-

You have two cows. You sell the milk to premier daires. They sell it back to you neighbour at five times the price. Your neighbour thinks you are rich.


Armagh-

Cows with guns.


Kerry-

You have one cow and a dolphin. Your not sure which is which.

[SidelineKick]

Ballinderry Corporation

You have two cows. One cow walks past the other and bangs into its ass.  The other cow lies down and holds his face in hope that the farmer will shoot the other cow.


Derry Corporation

You have two cows.  You give one cow what they want until it stops producing milk.  The other cow permanently gets ignored.


Tyrone Corporation

You have three cows.  The way the farmer goes on you'd think he had 23 cows.


Armagh Corporation

You have calves, they arent as important as cows, you had one cow but that was a while ago.  You cannot get your hands on any more cows.


Limerick Corporation

You had two cows. One of them stabbed the other.  Now you have one cow.

[Mayo4Sam]

Wexford Corporation

You have 2 cows, one always better than the other, it comes down with mastitis but the other ups its produce

Kilkenny Corporation

You have one cow, it feeds the county

[lynchbhoy]

unionist cows
we are actually members of the giraffe family not cows

[armaghniac]

unionist cows
we are actually members of the giraffe family not cows

or ostrich family maybe.