Parenting

[Eamonnca1]

The word parent has been verbed, so here we are.

This week our 5-year-old son brought a smartphone home from school. It's loaded with supposedly educational apps and was free, part of some sort of partnership the education authority has made with a commercial outfit, I think. We were sceptical, but signed up for the program anyway to give it a shot.

I went through about three eBooks with him. It read the stories out loud and highlighted the words as it went along. It basically replaced me as a reader who can point to words on a printed page, which is what we do every night before bedtime anyway.

When the time came to put it away he started screaming and crying for it. He cried and fussed for the best part of two hours, demanding "his" phone back. It was like watching the withdrawal symptoms of a heroin addict.

We boxed the thing up and sent emails to her teacher saying that she's welcome to keep that thing in her classroom and manage it there, but we want no part of it, and we didn't appreciate the disruption it brought into our house. I handed it in at the school's front office this morning.

Screen time is heavily regulated in our house. We don't own a tablet, the kids almost never look at our phones, they get zero screen time during the week–only a few hours at the weekend. Even then it's limited to a few TV shows, plus DVD films from the local library. I shudder to think about what's going to happen when they become teenagers and the peer pressure to get one of these harmful devices becomes too much.

As adults, we find it hard enough to get off our screens. For teenagers it must be all-consuming. Young children don't stand a chance.

Anyone got children with smartphone addiction problems?

[Milltown Row2]

I've a wife with Candy crush scrabble reels addiction

[DaleCooper]

God thats grim

[Puckoon]

I have two situations, two perspectives here (added a 3rd)

We relented and bought my early teen daughter a cell phone maybe at 13-14. It was pretty limited at the time functionality wise, but then the middle school 13-14 year old peer pressure sunk in. Only a matter of time before she got her first iPhone with the bells and whistles and social media. It was a terrible mistake in hindsight, but one I am not sure how we in our personal situation (shared parenting, 2 homes, very busy schedule for kid and parents) could have avoided. They aren't as interested in the social platforms we use, but this snapchat nonsense was insane and she was on it a lot. But her job, her school - all put requirements on this device. She is on it a lot (slightly less now at 18 in college with a boyfriend and all that), but the real grind my f**king gears aspect was that she would never reply to texts and often screen calls.

We nipped the screening calls part quickly - but I saw her phone one day and she had like 179 unread text messages. From grandparents, friends, parents, it was wild. I guess that is not their primary MO at this age, at least here. Other friends of similar aged parents have confirmed.

Thankfully she was never subject to, or partook in bullying aspects. That is a massive issue with all this connectivity - even with adults.


Second perspective
3 Nephews back home in Ireland. Great lads, and I say that both with and without bias. Always on the move, there are no prohibitions on screens but its both organically and structurally limited by the mum and dad.
Organically in that these lads are never done with a combination of school, athletics, GAA, Fiddle, Swimming, and general family outdoor activities on the weekend.

That being said, it is their top activity at certain times of the day and embedded in their lives that evening or a wet day and not something they want to go without.


Third perspective - I am sure I am addicted to my phone. I hate that, and I hate it.

[RedHand88]

I've noticed the 11 month old crying looking your phone, crying when she can't get it etc.
Not even one yet!! Will also make scrolling motions with her hands on it. Scary stuff.

The 5 year old doesn't seem arsed thankfully. Even tv doesn't get that much use. He sat playing with lego for 2 and a half hours the other day and I'm grateful for that.

[Hereiam]

I seen a story recently about a part in England where the amount of children that haven't been toilet trained before they start school is on the increase. WTF

[gallsman]

I've noticed the 11 month old crying looking your phone, crying when she can't get it etc.
Not even one yet!! Will also make scrolling motions with her hands on it. Scary stuff.

Did you give her the phone previously?!

[marty34]

I hear, from a teacher friend, that kids can't even tie their laces nowadays. Only a small minority but still.


The velcro trainers have a lot to answer for. So too the 2m laces on a lot of trainers nowadays. 

[Eamonnca1]

I seen a story recently about a part in England where the amount of children that haven't been toilet trained before they start school is on the increase. WTF

Don't get me started about England. The amount of teenage parents I saw in Salford who wouldn't know how to care for a goldfish are entrusted with another generation of people. Would scare you.

Example: Kid (~5 years old) walking  with mum. Sees a low wall. Hops up on the wall for a few yards to walk along it. Mum's reaction: "Get down off there you f***ing dickhead!"

Example: Kid (~3) somehow trips and falls, hurting her hands. Mum's reaction: "F***ing stupid! Get up!!"

I could go on all day. And that was in the pre-Internet era.  Kids in that environment don't stand a chance. Urban decay, crime, and antisocial behavior get passed from one generation to the next. I don't know how you break that cycle.

[RedHand88]

I've noticed the 11 month old crying looking your phone, crying when she can't get it etc.
Not even one yet!! Will also make scrolling motions with her hands on it. Scary stuff.

Did you give her the phone previously?!

Aye got her a iPhone 21 pro for Christmas 

[LC]

I have two situations, two perspectives here (added a 3rd)

We relented and bought my early teen daughter a cell phone maybe at 13-14. It was pretty limited at the time functionality wise, but then the middle school 13-14 year old peer pressure sunk in. Only a matter of time before she got her first iPhone with the bells and whistles and social media. It was a terrible mistake in hindsight, but one I am not sure how we in our personal situation (shared parenting, 2 homes, very busy schedule for kid and parents) could have avoided. They aren't as interested in the social platforms we use, but this snapchat nonsense was insane and she was on it a lot. But her job, her school - all put requirements on this device. She is on it a lot (slightly less now at 18 in college with a boyfriend and all that), but the real grind my f**king gears aspect was that she would never reply to texts and often screen calls.

We nipped the screening calls part quickly - but I saw her phone one day and she had like 179 unread text messages. From grandparents, friends, parents, it was wild. I guess that is not their primary MO at this age, at least here. Other friends of similar aged parents have confirmed.

Thankfully she was never subject to, or partook in bullying aspects. That is a massive issue with all this connectivity - even with adults.


Second perspective
3 Nephews back home in Ireland. Great lads, and I say that both with and without bias. Always on the move, there are no prohibitions on screens but its both organically and structurally limited by the mum and dad.
Organically in that these lads are never done with a combination of school, athletics, GAA, Fiddle, Swimming, and general family outdoor activities on the weekend.

That being said, it is their top activity at certain times of the day and embedded in their lives that evening or a wet day and not something they want to go without.


Third perspective - I am sure I am addicted to my phone. I hate that, and I hate it.

A very good post and I can relate to a lot of it.

Our own kids wreck our heads at times regarding heads stuck in the phone that being said, while things are a bit quiet now, they were out most nights of the week during Spring Summer between football and camogie.  A plus fact is that we live in the countryside so plenty of room outside the house for them to kick a ball against a wall, cycle etc.  It must be difficult to manage the screentime for those with kids who live in an urban area and don't have much else going on outside school.

[gallsman]

I've noticed the 11 month old crying looking your phone, crying when she can't get it etc.
Not even one yet!! Will also make scrolling motions with her hands on it. Scary stuff.

Did you give her the phone previously?!

Aye got her a iPhone 21 pro for Christmas 

My question is have you ever stuck a phone in front of her. An 11 month old looking to play with a phone, making the scrolling motions as you describe is learned behaviour.

[Ethan Tremblay]

Had nieces and nephews prior to my own kids being born, and could see first hand the negative effect a phone could have.  No social skills, poor at talking and no interest in anything physical.  One of them had a meltdown when it was taken when we called.  That was enough for me to say not a chance am I going down that road. 

My own kids are 7 and 3 and still plays with toys, use their imagination etc.  School have an app they use for reading and maths, which means we have a tablet in the house for them, but it never gets used other than that.  The tv is the height of it. 

Me and the wife had discussions on what age it is appropriate for a kid to have a phone, we concluded high school is time enough. 

[gallsman]

we concluded high school is time enough. 

That's our thinking as well, but getting a phone is only the beginning. Use of it is a far, far bigger topic.

[brokencrossbar1]

Had nieces and nephews prior to my own kids being born, and could see first hand the negative effect a phone could have.  No social skills, poor at talking and no interest in anything physical.  One of them had a meltdown when it was taken when we called.  That was enough for me to say not a chance am I going down that road. 

My own kids are 7 and 3 and still plays with toys, use their imagination etc.  School have an app they use for reading and maths, which means we have a tablet in the house for them, but it never gets used other than that.  The tv is the height of it. 

Me and the wife had discussions on what age it is appropriate for a kid to have a phone, we concluded high school is time enough. 

Youngest one is coming 7. We have a few games on the iPad but she rarely if ever uses it. The main thing she wants is Spotify as she loves music and puts it on the telly herself. Regularly land in and she's listening to anything from
kasey Musgraves to Annie Lennox or her current favourite is Kim Carnie.

The good thing about the way she is taught in school is that it is the 'traditional' way....books home to read, maths and comprehension work books but some stuff online. Hopefully it will stay that way for as long as possible as she'll use technology for long enough