Total Tool Journalists

[ONeill]

Might do it in verse.

When Geezer left the apples behind
He thought he'd try the horse.
But when he saw their Rainbow trout
He fished amongst Maynooth gorse.

[Puckoon]

What are the chances of another extension? The dog ate my work.

I for one am against, Ive been waiting with bated breath. Is it really not happening?

[ONeill]

I'd do it OK for the craic but sure what's the point if no-one will go toe-to-toe. I know SS2 would bate me but he couldn't be bothered. It's like turning up to a fight and seeing Ray Close taking on the unknown. 

[ONeill]

Here's an idea.
Someone post SS2's article on Tommy Freeman. We all slag the shite out of it and he'll bother his lazy big arse to do the challenge.

How would you rate this? From an unknown contributor.

January, a time of the year for resting, for promising to work off the excesses of the previous month or for watching videos of 91, 93, 94, 02, 03 or 05. But, not for competitive sport. And certainly not for making it a simple task to pick a man of the month.

Mickey Harte made the early running, by realising that winning the McKenna Cup is not the be all and end all of the competition. His (well probably his) decision to allow his panellists to play for their colleges also allowed more players to have a chance in the white and red. Whether it was productive or not remains to be seen, but at least Harte is in a better position to know the true worth of many of his options.

His protégé, Stephen O'Neill is also worth a mention as he exits the inter-county with everyone's best wishes and his dignity intact. The door to a possible return has been left open and there is any number of Gaels throughout the country ready to batter it down.

But the winner has to come from the field of play. The two competitions of note will provide the winner. Antrim's shock win against Kilkenny in the Walsh Cup has raised confidence within the squad and a few eyebrows country-wide. Again, the true worth is not immediately obvious. Only when the evenings are long, the smell of cut grass in the air and the pitches have dried out will we really know if Sambo and Woody are on the right track.

All of which just leaves the McKenna Cup and a topsy-turvy competition it was. At various stages I thought I might be writing about a UUJ player, a Donegal man, a Derry man or even a Cavan man. In the end, it all comes down to the final. Referee Michael Hughes, in his out-sized shorts seemed determined to bring himself to our attention. And he wasn't putting all his eggs in one basket. Whether through his early entry into the most ridiculous decision of the year when he booked Eoin Bradley or his attempts to bring the debate about the mark back into focus through his treatment of Dan Gordon, Hughes was never out of the equation.

Still, it would be extremely immature and petty not to recognise a player's contribution and that player has to be a Down man. That Down man has to be Danny Hughes. As he has shown in the past, the talent is without question. Maybe he has suffered from being in Benny Coulter's shadow, maybe he has suffered from 'corner-forward' syndrome, and maybe injuries have halted his progress.  Yet on Saturday evening, his performance at half-forward was one that the best of them, Dooher et al, would have been proud of. A Down team playing football in the image of their predecessors, unfettered by the blanket defence mentality is something that the championship is crying out for. Let's hope 2008 is the year the Mourne men re-awaken from their slumber and that Danny Hughes' form continues long into the summer.

[ONeill]

A Down team playing football in the image of their predecessors, unfettered by the blanket defence mentality is something that the championship is crying out for.

Is that actually a proper sentence?

[Puckoon]

Is there a coma missing there? mentality, is

[feetofflames]

Only subm,itted on the basis that the first man in always gets paid, and to start the fcukin ball rollin' 
"Mc Geeney provides the X Factor on Saturday nights in Kildare"
On a snowy Saturday afternoon in early February a lily white team coach with Mc Geeney standing defiantly at the front will cross the border into Newry and South Armagh and make its way up to the Armagh City hotel for a light lunch.  The lads are playing cards in the back, but he cant hear their chat.  His minds in a different place, he can see the orange flags flanking the road, supporters straining their necks to see Armaghs newest and flashiest resident... so fcukin long ago yet so vivid a memory.  Dermot Early pipes up, "can we stop at the Carrickdale for a piss."  Mc Geeney tells him to step back and hold it, theres no way hes pulling in here, some things are better left as they are.  Probably half full of Armagh men at this time, talking about Cavan and division 2 football. 
Earley curses the new man but trudges back to his seat and lifts his cards again.  Mc Geeney stands firm and surveys the scene as they pass the familiar landmark hotel, he recognises a few faces, some who stop and stare before they realise, and turn away before they offend.  His jaw tightens defiantly as he recalls the Armagh men running inside the dressing room in 2003 as he studies Canavan, fuelling the passion for another couple of years.
The coach continues onto The Armagh city hotel and again Mc Geeney feels a stranger.  He gave this hotel its biggest crowd but now he feels like hes the only Armagh man here.  You'd have to be beside him to see that iced tear in his eye and for a moment he feels helpless as he recalls Canavan putting that last free over in 2005. 
A tap on the back from Grimley takes him back to his senses as Earley jumps off the still moving bus desperate for some light relief....
Later that evening...
.....So why did he take the job.  He stands in front of the camera and talks clichés about a new era for Kildare football.  Deep down he knows that if there's an opening in the market for a new superpower in the GAA, its probably in Leinster where an unloved and impotent Dubs set up has achieved all they can, and a next best Meath are final fodder at best.  "Collecting the point was important but the performance pleased me the most" Bullshit – Mc Geeney needs crowds and big wins, it drives him on, it makes him great.
It's a long way back to Newbridge, McGeeney tells the bus driver to head South, he only knows the direct route.  There's loads of potential shortcuts through Armagh but Mc Geeney never took shortcuts.  Theres potential for a Leinster title in Kildare in 2008 and Mc Geeney will deliver it but its going to be a long hard road to success.  Mc Geeney knows little else.

[Billys Boots]

Is there a coma missing there? mentality, is

That's a first for these parts, someone concerned about commas. 

[muppet]

O'Neill interesting piece from an 'unknown contributor'. The topic was supposed to be McGeeney and the only possible reference I can see is the 02 in "91, 93, 94, 02, 03 or 05." So I'm afraid there will be no marks for subject matter.

A quick Google suggests it might not even be plagiarised so points are due for at least accepting the challenge.

It takes a long time though to tell us who wins 'man of the month' and it is a bit too like those awful talent show climaxs. "And the winner is......we'll find out after six paragraphs".

Very Late Entrant feetofflames actually manages to stay bang on topic. Quite an interesting piece if a little on the sentimental side. Thinking of McGeeney and 'see that iced tear in his eye' is probably making him a bit too human for this poster.

It reads more like the start of a Vincent Hogan biography, but one that I might like to read the rest of. I enjoyed it thanks.

So would the real O'Neill please stand up and where are the other competitors. Max? 

[Puckoon]

Is there a coma missing there? mentality, is

That's a first for these parts, someone concerned about commas. 

T'was the wayne typed that one.

[red hander]

Not a sports journalist but interesting still the same ... www.belfastflyer.blogspot.com

[bloody mary]

this isn't entirely relevant either, but I liked it. Ok, warped humour but still..

the Examiner had a report last week about a black panther apparently seen in the Waterford hills over New Year before it moved to warmer climes (honestly) in North Cork. They quote the guards advising people not to approach it (really) and that although they aren't going out looking for it (really) they will set a trap for it if they come across it. The best line of all is 'if the panther is spotted'. Sure how can a panther be spotted? just shows that writing isn't as easy as you lot think..

[irunthev]

I only write periodically now so I'm going to submit this one.


In years to come, some highly-qualified, well-paid academic will be commissioned by the Irish government to make a study into the cultural changes that occurred in Ireland as a direct result of the phenomenon known as the Celtic Tiger.
This report will be lengthy, expensive, over-due and eventually lauded as a living history of the Irish nation in the late 20th and early 21st century, and a plethora of politicians will gather in some very plush setting to enjoy a four day junket in order to mark the launch of this long-anticipated and essential document.
The whole thing will cost a fortune and it will tell you exactly what I am going to explain in the following snapshot.
Let's start making comparisons by looking at the way things used to be, and while I am certainly not going to go down some tear-stained journey of reminiscence, let's just say that years ago people were more innocent, more humble, less well-educated, far poorer and more God-fearing, and behind it all, they were resigned to the fact that their time on earth was going to be not much more than a succession of hardships and losses, interspersed here and there with the occasional moment of happiness and joy. They called it life.
Step forward then to 21st century Ireland, a country with massive inward immigration, huge houses, record levels of personal debt, an unrecognisable blurring of cultural boundaries, high academic achievement, enormous confidence and an incredible feeling of self-worth, while scepticism about religion prevails and the drug and drink culture is causing concern, violence and death in equal and growing proportions.
Against that back-drop of economic and cultural change in Ireland, let's use the GAA as the canvass for comparison and consider the life of an inter-county footballer.
To start with, let's consider a man called Mick O'Connell. O'Connell won four All Ireland senior medals with Kerry in a career that spanned from 1956 to 1973. He is probably the greatest player of all time.
Throughout his career, O'Connell lived on Valentia Island and often rowed a boat from the island to the mainland in order to get to games and training. Much of the time though he trained and practiced by himself, honed his own skills and fitness, driven only by his total obsession with the game and his pursuit of excellence.
For O'Connell, and thousands more like him down through the years, he did it out of pride and honour.
Nowadays however, footballers work to agendas and want for nothing: they get mileage allowance, luxury coaches, top class hotels, a team of professionals to cater and pander to their every need, free boots, free gloves, free training gear, meals before matches, meals after matches, payment to play and team holidays.
Add to that the fact that some players are starting to talk up the fact that they should be receiving payment for their image rights and top it all off by adding the threat of a strike every time they don't get exactly what they want. That's modern Ireland.
Proof of this is of course presently being played out in Cork, where the footballers and hurler have both withdrawn their services because they don't like the system that the county board and the delegates have voted for, with regard to the appointment of team selectors. Images of toys, dummies and prams come to mind.
Militancy and revolt within the GAA are both growing at an alarming rate, something that was fuelled by the way the GAA and government colluded to give-in to the GPA over the grants issue. They empowered the masses, always a dangerous thing to do.
So how does all this provide a succinct analysis of the changes in Irish society over the past 20 or 30 years?
Well, when Ireland was poorer - which let's face it wasn't exactly a good thing - the people accepted the way things were because their own struggles of trying to keep body and soul together were sufficient to keep them fully occupied. Things like the GAA were seen as an outlet from their misery and they were glad of it.
However, now that Ireland is a prosperous nation, people are ambitious, greedy, power hungry and in general, only really motivated by the euro.
The GAA, which for so long has been the focal part of the community, has now become a massive business, with the effect that rather than being a social and cultural outlet, it has now become a pretty substantial industry, in which many individuals are only involved because they are making a very nice penny out of it.
Whether you think this is a good thing or not will very much depend on whether you are one of those making the money from it or not, and will also be influenced by which generation you belong to.
Either way, the changes within the GAA are merely a mirror image of the changes within Ireland as a nation.
On an episode of Channel 4's Grand Designs filmed in Mayo a couple of years ago, presenter Kevin McCloud asked the foreman on a site why there was such a shortage of traditional craftsmen in the area, to which the foreman replied that men were now more interested in the euro than the craftsmanship, and craftsmanship didn't pay that well.
The epilogue to all of this though has yet to be written. The Celtic Tiger has a tail and as the Tiger begins to struggle, the tail will start to swish violently.
We don't know what impact it will have, but there is a risk that the tail might brush Ireland into a sort of no-man's-land of high academic achievement with no related economic prosperity.
I'm not saying it will happen, but greater minds that mine feel it could, and then where will that leave the increasingly money-driven Irish nation and the GAA?