the imaginary adventures of a gaaboard stripagram/male escort

[lawnseed]

just for the craic..  while trawling various job websites I came across ads for male escort/stripagram/kissagrams. just wondering what it would be like to do this for the first time? what emotions would you experience.. (trauma for me anyway) what would be your approach? what would you say? would you copy a routine from some movie? what music would you choose? how much money would you charge? would you do gay gigs if you had to. (i.e assuming your straight). I saw a bit about some lad who does naked hoovering he just wears a pinny ladies just sit and watch him cleaning up their house maybe have a wee glass of wine while relaxing..

anyhow as with all good lawnseed threads there is a huge prize for the best story.
It should be fun and it should draw attention to the fact that these are desperate times. you could briefly outline a circumstance that has you in this predicament. I'm presuming that you wouldn't dream of this line of business unless you had to.. or maybe you'd actually like it.
we cant have smut/porn so lines like "I just said to her ride or what?" wont do.
there should be wooing and delicacy after all you want customer satisfaction (pretend your alan shatter) juicy bits should fade into a bedside light or bird singing..  I heard of a fella who scattered a trail of red rose petals from the door of his house right up the stairs to a candle light bath for his girlfriend.. emmm!! so the standard is very high.

remember its a craic your telling.. so no boring lists. pretend your in the company of a few friends so embellishment is what they want to hear..

[AZOffaly]

You are a strange man.

[mayogodhelpus@gmail.com]

Facepalm time.

[EC Unique]

This thread should be moved to the WTF thread.

[Tony Baloney]

This thread should be moved to the WTF thread.

There should just be a "Lawnseed...WTF!" thread to contain these nuggets.

[lawnseed]

This thread should be moved to the WTF thread.

There should just be a "Lawnseed...WTF!" thread to contain these nuggets.

Tony you wrote some good short stories before. Imagine your regailing your experience as a male escort. What do you think it'd be like? Its no different than doing muppets craptions just think how you'd feel..

[OakleafCounty]

I can't make head nor tail of that OP.

[Moortown Spuds]

I'm embarassed for you.

[ziggysego]

I applied to be a male escort a couple of the years ago. I was turned away as I was too old.

For the Tyrone Rose of Tralee, nothing seedy like lawnseed is suggesting.

[The Gs Man]

Imaginary adventures?

[lawnseed]

Tony has given me permission to ghostwrite his adventure cause hes busy..
Tony used to work at the ducks, union been on strike hes down on his luck.. Its tough so tough.. Gina works in a diner all day working for her man she brings home her pay but its not enough..
Little tony needs new shoes says gina have you any money tony? Ffs where would I get money ive been out of work for two months! You need to do something tone we need more money. Ive been on the net all day gina theres no work. Honey all you do is chat to your mates on gaaboard and watch porn we are broke.
Tony starts to panic.. And rings an escort agency in desparation. The woman tells him to call down so tone tidies up abit posing infront of the mirror and pulln his belly in. "i still got it" he assures himself.
The agency woman looks him up and down.. Not great she reckons.. Im going to send you to one of our regulars i'll tell her your new.. Normally she pays 200 but your new so 100.
Tony is in the pub..
Jayzus lads I was shiten myself. There I was outside the hotel when this big car pulled in down went the window and your woman was in the back. are you tony she says. thats me. She was about 60 grey blonde hair and you could tell she was loaded. Drive on she told the driver. So we ended up at aclass restuarant and we had a feed and wine.. I must have had a bottle. take it easy says she I dont want you to fall asleep jaysus I nearly forgot what I was there for. She told me her husband was dead and she sometimes got lonely but didnt want a partner because of her grownup children. I told her she looked abit like honour blackman. Ahhh we were getting on great I was thinking £100 for this? Fuk the ducks.. Tony baloney.. Male escort!!  from now on. Its getting late she says l'd love to show you some of the artwork I do.. Ahh sure what harm says I and we hopped into the jag. You talk about a house fuksake it wwas massive jeez she WAS loaded! Mind yourself tony I was thinkin you could be onto a good thing here.. We went into to house she even had servants lets go through to my studio she says.. Would you like to pose for me sometime? Thinking i'd get a few bucks i'd love to says i. Can I see your body? So the throat started to get a bit dry.. This is getting abit funny I was thinking. I'll pay you extra.. So money talks and off comes the shirt.. God she says your just what i'm after. So here was me thinking yeeha.. chi ching! when the next thing she pulls out a pair of handcuffs and puts them on me. Sit down she says so I did and she puts a blindfold on me.. Now she says i'm gonna slip into something more comfy. Ahh hold on now mrs.. Its ok she says i'll just be a minute. So there I was blindfolded and handcuffed sitting like a bolix when the next thing I got this almighty whack across the back sweet jeez I nearly passed out! whack!! Whack!! I managed to pull the blindfold up and there she was standing in this leather catsuit with a riding crop in her hand. You filthy irish b**tard!! she was screaming and her flaking the skin off me!! Jayzus she meant business I had to run round the room and her flat out whacking away like fuk. Didnt I fall and the cuffs broke so I grabs the shirt and out through the door and down the road naked and I never got a penny off the hoower. I cant let the woman see me cause i'm covered in big red marks..
Tony

[illdecide]

lawnseed, you seriously need to take your face for a shite saan...thats brutal stuff.

[illdecide]

Ohh and another thing...see whenever you have to keep replying in your own thread because no one else will then its time to delete it and think...knowbody cares

[PAULD123]

Lawnseed, I like reading your threads. It is fascinating to see what lunatic stuff you will come out with next, also entertaining. But at the same time, seriously, have you ever sought therapy? You are a pure nutter!!

[Farrandeelin]

Don't spend too long thinking hardstation. You'll overtake ziggysego in the amount of posts if you stay posting!