'Twas the night before Christmas… in Kerry

[Kerry Mike]

'Twas the night before Christmas... in Kerry

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even the Gooch;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Sam Maguire would soon return there;

The Animals were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of 3-in-a-row danced in their heads;
Pat O'Shea in his nightgown, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Was it Morgan or Kernan that caused all the matter.
So away to the window I flew like a flash,
Yerra t'was only the GPA looking for cash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Or was it the cocaine caused the whiteness below,
Upon closer inspection what appeared to be Piller,
Was but a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,

With a little old driver, via Laois and Wicklow,
I thought for a moment it must be Micko
As fast as a blink his charges they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now Darragh! now Tomas! now Marc and Aidan!
On Cooper! on Galvin! Young and Declan!
To the top of the Hogan! To the top of the hill!
Now dash away! dash away! Thy Kingdom shall thrill"

The Tyrone and Armagh boys had ran out of luck
Not for the first time they weren't worth a f**k
The Monaghan boys were Ulster's last chance
But O'Sullivan's goal put them in a trance.

The Jackeens and Whelo thought it was their year,
And their hordes on the Hill went out without fear.
The Blues had a swagger and got in your face
Their manager Caffery was lasting the pace.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know we had nothing to dread;

The boys from the hill had yet to be bet.
But Declan turned sharply and rattled their net
Roared on by the Piller they were a sight to behold
But when Clucko went awol, their story was told.

The Piller was crying, the country did cheer
There'd be no Sam in Dublin for at least one more year.
So up next the Rebels to try take our crown
Would they be the team to knock Kerry down

But The Langers were striking, no one was to play,
And Donal Óg Cusask just wanted some pay.
So up from the Pairc the Langers they flew,
With the bould Nicky Murphy and Graham Canty too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
Was it reindeers above who wandered around
Hark no, down the chimney Frank Murphy did bound.

He was dressed all in red, from his head to his foot,
But his wig was all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of cheques he flung on the table,
But Sam still eludes them, will they ever be able.

With Donaghy scoring the easiest of goals.
Poor auld Frank and Billy gave up their lost souls,
Their eyes filled with tears! Frank's nose like a cherry
Says he, "Ah boy but I f**king hate Kerry"

But the Kerry boys too had their big day plan
It was winning the 2-in-a-row and taking home Sam
The last team to do it were the crowd from the Lee
But again led by Declan the Kingdom did glee.

There is talk of a treble, but that's for next year
Pat O'Shea and his animals dream on without fear
Then laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

Pat sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard them exclaim, ere they drove out the ball,
Yerra Ho Ho Ho boy, a Kerry Christmas to all...

[gerry]

Good man Mike, took a while to do that

[thebandit]

'When Darragh with elbows all over the place,
caught poor wee Paul Meegan in the face'

[Maguire01]

'When Darragh with elbows all over the place,
caught poor wee Paul Meegan in the face'

[red hander]

Any balls on thon Kerry tree, KM?  Cos I've never seen any on your team when they play the men from the bushes...

[heineken_on_tap]

Sorry but such self indulgent crap - don't give up the day job Mike

[magpie seanie]

Jaysus but there have been a few humour bypass operations about here recently by the look of things. Tis usually meself who is a grumpy ould hoor.

Merry Christmas KM and keep her lit.

[5 Sams]

Fair play and f**k the begrudgers Mike....they have nothing to write poems about...(bit like ourselves )

[Guillem2]

Good stuff!

[GalwayBayBoy]

Reminds me when auld ones went on the Late Late to read out their poem to uncle Gaybo.

[Billys Boots]

Good man Mike, a yerra Happy Christmas.   

[GrandMasterFlash]

Sorry KM, had to edit and add a verse..

The Tyrone and Armagh boys had ran out of luck
cause without there style of play Kerry wouldn't be worth a f00k
The Monaghan boys were Ulster's last chance
But O'Shea's flying elbows put Meegan in a trance.

How the Kingdom lament about the North's style of game
But now they have copied it, they've no-one to blame
Nobody's doubting, they stats they don't lie
Kerry my ar*e, Monaghan till I die...


And I know you're better half is a Farney lass so my edit is facetious..
Good to see something original for change. Buala Bus!

[Square Ball]

Have you boys nothing better to do at this time of year?

very good by the way

[Turlough O Carolan]

'Twas the night before Christmas... in Kerry


Yerra Ho Ho Ho boy, a Kerry Christmas to all...

Maith an fear. Good stuff.

[ONeill]

Suckin Diesel KM. Great stuff.