Depression

[GraceO’Malley]

Eamonn and Vertical - life is too short to be walking on egg shells, asking your equal if you're in trouble or dreading hard earned time off work . I hope that doesn't sound trite and I know it is easy for someone else to say. My husband is my equal, it would never occur to me to message him on a night out reminding him not to drink too much or not get home late and he wouldn't do it to me - that's controlling. Re intimacy issues, (I know there can be people happily married who for medical reasons don't) but it's part of a happy, healthy marriage. Everyone deserves to be with someone who loves them and makes them happy, our time on this earth is too precious not to be.

[Milltown Row2]

Spot on

[Tony Baloney]

Eamonn and Vertical - life is too short to be walking on egg shells, asking your equal if you're in trouble or dreading hard earned time off work . I hope that doesn't sound trite and I know it is easy for someone else to say. My husband is my equal, it would never occur to me to message him on a night out reminding him not to drink too much or not get home late and he wouldn't do it to me - that's controlling. Re intimacy issues, (I know there can be people happily married who for medical reasons don't) but it's part of a happy, healthy marriage. Everyone deserves to be with someone who loves them and makes them happy, our time on this earth is too precious not to be.

Good post. Do call back, we need a woman's touch round here.

[paddyjohn]

Hope everybody got over the festive period ok. The wheels came off my wagon a few times but we got it back on .

Keep talking folks

[Eamonnca1]

Yes, I meant to bump this thread at the start of the holiday season. It's a tough time for many.

Christmas is great if you're in a happy family situation, but very hard if you're not. I remember falling out with Christmas when I was a teenager, I was disillusioned with it when the childhood magic wore off, and it took me a while to get back onto good terms with it.

I think it's great that we have this mid-winter festival where we come together with family and friends to cheer each other up in the darkest days around the solstice, but it can create a sense of missing out for those who can't quite get in on it.

[From the Bunker]

You have to remember what ever we do, there will be some one left out. You sometimes have to be strong and get on with it. Put on the blinkers and get past it.

[AustinPowers]

I watched a great  wee film recently 'that they may face the rising sun',  about a rural community and  its characters. Old fellas, some  unmarried,  regularly calling in  to a   house for the craic, news  and a cup of tea.  Hosts never seemed  annoyed by the visitors and  openly welcome them

Reminded me of our own house , as it would have been a  house where the  visitors called. Neighbours, aunts, uncles , friends etc , house full , Tea on the go,  laughing and stories told.

Can't help thinking  we've really lost  this.  People rarely call  unannounced on anyone.  A pot of tea on the go and  the news, gossip, stories swapped really is becoming  a thing of the past.  I think people sense  this, like they're intruding  on people's busy  lives.  Instead, people  are probably connected to a lot of  friends, relations, locals, neighbours etc on  their mobiles , yet  rarely  darken each other's doors.

The greatest thing we can give to anyone is  time,  and I think sometimes  we underestimate  (or are unaware of) how much a little time given  or spent with someone can mean  to them.  Even just to let someone know you are  there  should they   need anything or feel  unwell.

Anyway, look out for  each other.

[JoG2]

I watched a great  wee film recently 'that they may face the rising sun',  about a rural community and  its characters. Old fellas, some  unmarried,  regularly calling in  to a   house for the craic, news  and a cup of tea.  Hosts never seemed  annoyed by the visitors and  openly welcome them

Reminded me of our own house , as it would have been a  house where the  visitors called. Neighbours, aunts, uncles , friends etc , house full , Tea on the go,  laughing and stories told.

Can't help thinking  we've really lost  this.  People rarely call  unannounced on anyone.  A pot of tea on the go and  the news, gossip, stories swapped really is becoming  a thing of the past.  I think people sense  this, like they're intruding  on people's busy  lives.  Instead, people  are probably connected to a lot of  friends, relations, locals, neighbours etc on  their mobiles , yet  rarely  darken each other's doors.

The greatest thing we can give to anyone is  time,  and I think sometimes  we underestimate  (or are unaware of) how much a little time given  or spent with someone can mean  to them.  Even just to let someone know you are  there  should they   need anything or feel  unwell.

Anyway, look out for  each other.

That's a great post and so very true. Never turn down the offer of a cup of tea / coffee

[Tony Baloney]

I got a message out of the blue via Facebook Messenger! from a chap who was in my class in university. Haven't seen him in >25 yrs years but he messaged over Christmas and said he wanted to talk. I really couldn't be arsed with any drama but told him to send me his number and I called him later that day. I'm glad I did as he's not in great shape mentally but I hope the call helped. I'm glad I didn't ignore it.

[Eamonnca1]

I watched a great  wee film recently 'that they may face the rising sun',  about a rural community and  its characters. Old fellas, some  unmarried,  regularly calling in  to a   house for the craic, news  and a cup of tea.  Hosts never seemed  annoyed by the visitors and  openly welcome them

Reminded me of our own house , as it would have been a  house where the  visitors called. Neighbours, aunts, uncles , friends etc , house full , Tea on the go,  laughing and stories told.

Can't help thinking  we've really lost  this.  People rarely call  unannounced on anyone.  A pot of tea on the go and  the news, gossip, stories swapped really is becoming  a thing of the past.  I think people sense  this, like they're intruding  on people's busy  lives.  Instead, people  are probably connected to a lot of  friends, relations, locals, neighbours etc on  their mobiles , yet  rarely  darken each other's doors.

The greatest thing we can give to anyone is  time,  and I think sometimes  we underestimate  (or are unaware of) how much a little time given  or spent with someone can mean  to them.  Even just to let someone know you are  there  should they   need anything or feel  unwell.

Anyway, look out for  each other.

Living abroad has helped me to appreciate this Irish custom of showing up unannounced, and the person being happy to see you. I never really noticed it as a thing until I moved away. You wouldn't do it stateside, unless it's a close neighbour on the same street or in the same apartment complex (and even then it wouldn't be for a protracted visit). For anyone beyond your street, showing up without calling ahead would be considered rude and nobody would really consider doing it; everything has to be arranged, planned, and scheduled.

I once went to see an old friend who I hadn't seen in a few years on a visit home to Lurgan. His face lit up when he saw it was me. He said you could go for weeks without anyone knocking the door, and he didn't mean that as a good thing.

[marty34]

I watched a great  wee film recently 'that they may face the rising sun',  about a rural community and  its characters. Old fellas, some  unmarried,  regularly calling in  to a   house for the craic, news  and a cup of tea.  Hosts never seemed  annoyed by the visitors and  openly welcome them

Reminded me of our own house , as it would have been a  house where the  visitors called. Neighbours, aunts, uncles , friends etc , house full , Tea on the go,  laughing and stories told.

Can't help thinking  we've really lost  this.  People rarely call  unannounced on anyone.  A pot of tea on the go and  the news, gossip, stories swapped really is becoming  a thing of the past.  I think people sense  this, like they're intruding  on people's busy  lives.  Instead, people  are probably connected to a lot of  friends, relations, locals, neighbours etc on  their mobiles , yet  rarely  darken each other's doors.

The greatest thing we can give to anyone is  time,  and I think sometimes  we underestimate  (or are unaware of) how much a little time given  or spent with someone can mean  to them.  Even just to let someone know you are  there  should they   need anything or feel  unwell.

Anyway, look out for  each other.

100%. Great post.

Our house was like that. I was too young to appreciate it. Annoyed me that I couldn't watch tv etc.

People make 'appointments' nowadays to call in. I suppose that's today's society. It's all about time. Everybody rushing about...and doing nothing at the same time.

Technology has changed things a lot.

[Tubberman]

I watched a great  wee film recently 'that they may face the rising sun',  about a rural community and  its characters. Old fellas, some  unmarried,  regularly calling in  to a   house for the craic, news  and a cup of tea.  Hosts never seemed  annoyed by the visitors and  openly welcome them

Reminded me of our own house , as it would have been a  house where the  visitors called. Neighbours, aunts, uncles , friends etc , house full , Tea on the go,  laughing and stories told.

Can't help thinking  we've really lost  this.  People rarely call  unannounced on anyone.  A pot of tea on the go and  the news, gossip, stories swapped really is becoming  a thing of the past.  I think people sense  this, like they're intruding  on people's busy  lives.  Instead, people  are probably connected to a lot of  friends, relations, locals, neighbours etc on  their mobiles , yet  rarely  darken each other's doors.

The greatest thing we can give to anyone is  time,  and I think sometimes  we underestimate  (or are unaware of) how much a little time given  or spent with someone can mean  to them.  Even just to let someone know you are  there  should they   need anything or feel  unwell.

Anyway, look out for  each other.

Yeah, enjoyed that film too. it's based on the John McGahern novel, so would have been set around Leitrim, but I'm sure would be familiar to much of rural Ireland.

I remember people calling to our house like that, particularly when my Granny was alive.
Calling unannounced for no particular reason, just the chat, a cup of tea and a biscuit.
I suppose you had to meet people in person to get news back then whereas now it's mostly all broadcast online on social media.

Standing around after mass on a Sunday morning was the other big time for getting the news!

[paddyjohn]

Bump

[Substandard]

10 years ago, I had the finer details of my suicide more or less arranged.  I had it all set up to look like a fishing accident- in my little head, it would make things easier for my parents and siblings.
I can't pinpoint any one reason why I didn't follow through,  nor can I pick something significant that changed things, which is a balls because it could be a very useful help for anyone else in a similar position.
I had gone to one doctor and described some of the things that were happening physically (seizing up in anxiety or panic attacks), behaviour-wise (I was finding it utterly exhausting trying to project a normal disposition at home and in work), and socially (I could handle football training sessions and matches, I actually enjoyed that, but after used every excuse under the sun to avoid having to socialise.  Doubtless some thought I was getting into dairying, there was so many 'cows calving').
The doctor was old school, near retirement.  He more or less dismissed it, telling me not to think so much.  Oh f**ing grand, it that all it was? 
The next lad was far more helpful, couple of good chats, referrals if I wanted, and good practices within a schedule,  and after if there was no change, he'd prescribe medication.  That probably turned the wheel enough.  I still had a fair bit of heavy lifting to do myself, and through reading and drawing my own conclusions, things changed, bit by bit.
I'm so thankful that never in the last 10 years have I ever been as low, and for whatever reasoning,  I don't envisage getting to that stage again.  I still have those days, and wobbles now and then, but unlike back then, now I can react and steady the ship- I can deal with them fully or piecemeal,  but I don't let them accumulate or take me over.
I suppose my point is that the light at the end of the tunnel isn't just a cliche.  It will come, eventually,  no matter what.  You just have to give yourself the chance. There are always means for getting back control,  for getting yourself into the driver's seat in your mind, and not just being an unwilling and frightened passenger in your own mind.
If you happen to be in that spiral,  or going through a tough phase where you don't even feel like yourself,  keep going.  There are ways for everyone,  and you'll find yours. 
If you ever want to hear a bit more or have any questions you want to ask, let us know.  I'm no guru, I'm no professional,  I mightn't have many answers, but I'll try my best.  All I know is I'm here, and life is good.  It's not perfect,  but it's better than being a 10 year old statistic and a headstone.

[theskull1]

Super post there Substandard.