Corny One for Friday

[Orior]

My pet mouse Elvis died today.

He was caught in a trap.

And Debbie Harry passed away too. She was found hanging on the telephone.

And footballer Zinedine Zidane has been arrested after Sophie Ellis Baxter was dead on the floor of his apartment. It was murder on Zindane's floor.

[armaghniac]

I had a rough day, and then somebody went and ripped the front and back pages out of my dictionary. It just goes from bad to worse.

[armaghniac]

A woman, upset that her husband came home late from golf again, decided to teach him a lesson.
She left a note on the dresser that read:

"I've had enough. I'm leaving you. Don't try to find me."

Then she hid under the bed to watch his reaction.

Soon, her husband came home. She heard him moving around, then he entered the bedroom, picked up the note, and read it.
After a moment, he scribbled something on the paper and made a phone call.

"She's finally gone. Yep, it's about time. I'm on my way now," he said happily.

He grabbed his keys and left.

Furious, the woman crawled out from under the bed, grabbed the note, and read what he had written:

"I can see your feet. We're out of bread. Be back in five minutes."

[Orior]

This is hilarious
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCCVt8IhJkA&t=15s

[armaghniac]

An elderly man was driving his Lamborghini at 100 km per hour when suddenly he saw the police chasing him.

Then, he starts speeding up, 140, then 150, then 180. 
Suddenly, he slows down and thinks: 
"I'm too old for this."

He stops and waits for the police to catch up. 
The officer gets out of the car and as he approaches the elderly man: 
-"Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. 
It's Friday today and I'm going on vacation this weekend with my family.

If you give me a really good reason, but seriously very good, something I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The elderly man looks at him, thinks hard, and says: 
-"Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman and when I saw you chasing me I thought you were going to bring her back" 
"Have a good day, sir" - said the policeman