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Dinny Breen · July 21, 2009, 04:47:32 PM

Scientists say increasing lighting in Coppers by 10% will reduce Irish STI rates by 4,000%

Researchers from the Royal College of Surgeons this morning announced that Ireland could curb a recent increase in sexually transmitted infections by increasing visibility in a prominent Dublin nightspot.

The research team ran a host of rigorously controlled experiments, where the lighting levels in Copper Face Jack's nightclub were increased by increments of 10%. The results were measured in terms of the resulting behavioural change in people both in the preliminary stages (i.e. kissing on the dancefloor) or final stages (stumbling towards the exit with a secured mate) of STI contraction.

The results showed that a lighting increase of even 10% caused individuals to immediately take a step back, revaluate the aesthetic integrity of the person they were until that point willing to have sex with, and in many cases excuse themselves from the situation.

Men were more likely to use excuses pertaining to "looking for the lads", whereas women were more likely to excuse themselves on the grounds of needing to use the restroom.

However the scientists were certain that beneath the veneer of these excuses was the realisation for the individuals in question that they were about to get down and literally dirty.

Surprisingly, repeated experiments around different nightspots in Dublin did not yield similar results. The research team trialled their methods in 14 other nightclubs around the capital's city centre and recorded negligible resultant behaviour changes from increasing lighting levels even as much as 60 or 70%.

When quizzed as to possible causes for the phenomenon only occurring in Coppers, the research team neglected to comment for legal reasons.

boojangles · July 21, 2009, 05:13:20 PM

Too late!!! Fuckin hate that Kip anyway. Avoid it like the Plague these days.

muppet · July 21, 2009, 05:20:09 PM

Quote from: boojangles on July 21, 2009, 05:13:20 PM
Too late!!! Fuckin hate that Kip anyway. Avoid it like the Plague these days.

No prizes for guessing where you go.

BallyhaiseMan · July 21, 2009, 05:23:46 PM

If you cant pull at Coppers, You should just turn gay.
Of Course you usually regret the munter that you end up with who looks like Megan Fox after 10 pints.

orangeman · July 21, 2009, 05:29:20 PM

There must be some real targes in that joint !

BallyhaiseMan · July 21, 2009, 05:53:16 PM

Quote from: orangeman on July 21, 2009, 05:29:20 PM
There must be some real targes in that joint !

you dont the half of it OM,
There should be a health warning on the wall
"Consumption of anymore than 8 pints can lead to you becoming a man toy for a muck savage"

Or maybe im the only one to have that bad experience

Gabriel_Hurl · July 21, 2009, 05:54:04 PM

Quote from: orangeman on July 21, 2009, 05:29:20 PM
There must be some real targes in that joint !

Worse than the Greenvale on a bad night

boojangles · July 21, 2009, 05:55:31 PM

Quote from: muppet on July 21, 2009, 05:20:09 PM
Quote from: boojangles on July 21, 2009, 05:13:20 PM
Too late!!! Fuckin hate that Kip anyway. Avoid it like the Plague these days.

No prizes for guessing where you go.

Whelans

BallyhaiseMan · July 21, 2009, 05:58:02 PM

Flannerys is my favourite joint in the capital.
Club 21 is not bad either.

muppet · July 21, 2009, 05:59:52 PM

Quote from: boojangles on July 21, 2009, 05:55:31 PM
Quote from: muppet on July 21, 2009, 05:20:09 PM
Quote from: boojangles on July 21, 2009, 05:13:20 PM
Too late!!! Fuckin hate that Kip anyway. Avoid it like the Plague these days.

No prizes for guessing where you go.

Whelans

Eh, not Bojangles?

Donnellys Hollow · July 21, 2009, 06:07:04 PM

Coppers is grand if you're suitably fcuked.

Flannerys is a fine spot. Hard to beat Messrs Maguires for the €4 pints of the homebrews though.