There's no crack here anymore

[ziggysego]

You've changed Jim

[Kerry Mike]

Puke posters the fecking lot of ye...

[illdecide]

The board is crap these days right enough. Dont get me wrong I still like going on the board and catching up on the local gaa news or just the local scandal in general but its just got boring now. The Iris Robinson thread has been the only thing that has been interesting on the board in ages. If i want to have a laugh at some funny things on the net i go on the football 365 forum, has to be one of the funniest websites about.

Just felt i needed to get that off my chest

Aye Jimbo i said the same and then when i tried to get some craic going i was accused of being childish and immature by the PC brigade who couldn't brake a smile or they're faces would crack

[T Fearon]

Jim, did your Uncle Johnny tell you about me and my versatility as an outstanding stopper when deployed in central defence (and having to cover for a dodgy full back ), yet still with a penchant for goalscoring when used as an emergency striker?

[Hedley Lamarr]

Tony, you sniffing the UHU again?

[JimStynes]

You've changed Jim

I cant help the way i feel Ziggy, Australia has changed me.

Jim, did your Uncle Johnny tell you about me and my versatility as an outstanding stopper when deployed in central defence (and having to cover for a dodgy full back ), yet still with a penchant for goalscoring when used as an emergency striker?

Havnt seen him yet Tony, dont worry i will tell him all about you being infamous in the internet world.

The board is crap these days right enough. Dont get me wrong I still like going on the board and catching up on the local gaa news or just the local scandal in general but its just got boring now. The Iris Robinson thread has been the only thing that has been interesting on the board in ages. If i want to have a laugh at some funny things on the net i go on the football 365 forum, has to be one of the funniest websites about.

Just felt i needed to get that off my chest

Aye Jimbo i said the same and then when i tried to get some craic going i was accused of being childish and immature by the PC brigade who couldn't brake a smile or they're faces would crack

illdecide get yourself over to the football365 forum, its some craic. You are allowed to have have a laugh there without getting banned, you are even allowed to say bad words on it!!

[Kerry Mike]

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Unless you're sure you want to reply, please consider starting a new topic.

Feck off

Bring back the Craic !! Jaysus there was some great craic on here in the good old days, tis all shite nowadays

[Tony Baloney]

Warning: this topic has not been posted in for at least 120 days.
Unless you're sure you want to reply, please consider starting a new topic.

Feck off

Bring back the Craic !! Jaysus there was some great craic on here in the good old days, tis all shite nowadays

Has it really been a year?!

[Orior]

Warning: this topic has not been posted in for at least 120 days.
Unless you're sure you want to reply, please consider starting a new topic.

Feck off

Bring back the Craic !! Jaysus there was some great craic on here in the good old days, tis all shite nowadays

Yes, lets get some fresh shite.

[orangeman]

A Cork strike usually starts a bit of crack. No chance of that now.

Maybe Fermanagh will start one ?

[Tony Baloney]

A Cork strike usually starts a bit of crack. No chance of that now.

Maybe Fermanagh will start one ?

Who'll notice? Maybe we need to send out a Save Our Shite to Our Nail Loney and Armagh4SamAgain.

[orangeman]

A Cork strike usually starts a bit of crack. No chance of that now.

Maybe Fermanagh will start one ?

Who'll notice? Maybe we need to send out a Save Our Shite to Our Nail Loney and Armagh4SamAgain.

[Niall Quinn]

Rumours are Jamie Clarke has loaded up with this pan-Atlantic beauty for AIJT 2017:

"I often confuse Americans and Canadians. By using long words."

The tone of the board seems to reflect the mood of the times. We used to have good humour here in the good times.

ONeill
Registered User
Posts: 978
(5/4/06 22:38)

Reply   Re: All-Ireland short-joke telling competition

Geezer a beazer.

Kildare Times
4-4-06

Naas provided a fascinating backdrop to the All-Ireland Celebrity Joke Telling Gala last weekend in the heartland of the Lily-White folk. A plethora of horses sped past the arena that morning, resembling days of yore or something from For a Few Dollars More or the like. As with the Eurovision, the traditional standard has not been of a high quality at the joke-telling weekend in recent years though some may say therein lays the beauty of the contest. A look through the archives on the way down showed previous winners such as Willie Joe Padden, Mick O'Connell, Ray Silke, Peter Quinn, Barney Rock, Brian McEniff and Brian Stafford. This year's entrants meant that the unique standard would be maintained into 2006 – the 30th year of the competition. The trophy is named after that first winner, Pat Spillane who told the joke about the circus. Before the start it was revealed Pillar Caffrey had been replaced by Dessie Farrell and Ger Loughnane by Billy Morgan

39'003 crammed into the community arena despite safety fears emanating from the Leinster Board. However, as it was a field of 40 acres, their fears were unfounded. To a raucous chorus of boos, Dessie Farrell entered the arena drinking Lucozade Sport and bearing the legend GAP on his back, but everyone knew what he meant. Referee Geroid O'Cinneabhe sounded the commencement trumpet as the Dubliner cleared his throat for what he hoped would be a telling contribution that night. As the last boo was quelled, in a thick Jackeen brogue, looking downwards, he uttered:

"She says, 'To think I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.' He says 'You should've realised that when I asked you to marry me!' "

Unfortunately, Farrell made the mistake of laughing at his own joke before any reaction from the crowd. As with a red rag to the bull, the crowd began baying for the blood of the Dubliner. One section of the crowd, wearing Kilmacud jerseys, were actually in hysterics because of the joke and this was not lost on the rather embarrassed adjudicators. One on-looker managed to run past the stewards, sprinted up behind Farrell, and kicked him mightily up the arse, much to the mirth of the now confused crowd. A mixture of hatred, hilarity and fear gripped the auditorium as the fan was escorted out of the county in a Nissan Sunny Automatic. Farrell was awarded 6.

Next up was Mickey Moran, an Ulster man representing the western province. Refusing to acknowledge the mildly-clapping spectators, the tall beanpole marched towards the microphone and bellowed:

"The diner says, 'This meat has gone off – fetch me the head waiter'. The waiter replied 'He's gone off too sir. It's his half-day.' "

Astonishment reverberated around the field. Never had such a consistently inept standard graced the All-Ireland final. Moran knew it. He dropped his shoulders, apologised with a meek "sorry" and trudged off the arena in deathly silence. He hit a man on the way. He was awarded 3.

Bursting with confidence was Billy Morgan. He had witnessed two of his closest rivals completely bomb in front of a demanding audience. He new he had a clinker up his sleeve. He had tried out his joke on three family members the previous week. Two had to be admitted to Cork County Hospital with rib injuries due to laughing violently. The third died happily. Billy knew he had the title in the bag and had waged upwards of E200'000 on himself in Cashman's the previous day. Many of the crowd were onto the tip and his rapturous welcome reflected their confidence in the Cork great. Lifting a title with Spillane's name on it would be a wee bit of a bane, but he was willing to grin and bear it for a cool E1.5m in his pocket. However, disaster struck as the great Rebel cockily approached the stand. Just as he was about to take the mic, O'Cinneabhe, inexplicably at first, showed Morgan the red card. Bedlam ensued. Billy remonstrated vehemently with the Roscommon/Galway official as thousands of punters clung despairingly to their dockets. Geroid approached the mic and uttered "Under rule 7.342 of the All-Ireland Joke and/or Story Telling Association, Billy has committed a cardinal error, for it states; 'On commencing the joke/story one must not look directly at the crowd for fear of endearing oneself to the affections of the aforementioned congregation, be it a cheeky smile or/and a delectable wink forthwith'. I have no choice but to disallow Morgan's attempt."

Mayhem broke out. Thousands of fathers had waged their weekly allowance on Morgan's side-splitting joke. Chairs were sailing through the cold Naas air as Morgan's followers fisticuffed their way onto the podium. An all-out brawl between stewards and audience was still on-going when the final contestant, Kieran McGeeney strode his way into the field of play. He grabbed the mic, looking at his feet for fear of a similar disqualification and roared "Get back. Get back." The forcefulness of the Armagh man's convictions halted violent proceedings as the crowd waited for the next instructions from Geezer. Undaunted, the Mullaghbawn man said

"How do you kill a circus?"

As one the crowd retorted "dunno."

McGeeney, with a hint of a smirk replied,

"Go for the juggler"

Well, they say the 60s were the decade of mass love. If you'd been in Naas at 4.45pm last Saturday, you'd have though you went back in time 40 years. Laughs, hugs and a wee bit of riding ensued. Geezer was automatically handed the Spillane Cup. He not only saved the day. He reaffirmed our belief in the AIJT series.