Dublin manager Gavin willing to give up 'major advantage'

[Banter Panther]

Amid much speculation and debate within G.A.A circles, Dublin manager Jim Gavin has admitted Dublin are in receipt of a massive advantage over opposition teams, an advantage he is sensationally willing to hand over to prove his team's true worth, once and for all.

Over the past three years, Dublin's persistent access to well known Zimbabwean witch doctor Binterre Mbede has come under severe scrutiny. Mbede, 68, who has been living in Clondalkin intermittently since May of 2011, is seen by many as the sole reason for Dublin's incredible success over the past three years.

'She got us out of jail big time in 2011', admitted Gavin. 'There was no way we were going to win that final. I was looking on, and noticed that Pat Gilroy turned to a rather eccentric looking lady sitting up with the players. That woman was Binno, and it turns out that she was a key element to Dublin's success. She still is, if I'm being honest. I'm told she lit a match to a crude doll, vaguely resembling Killian Young, and this saw the mistake that led to Kevin's goal.'

'Before Clucko's last minute free, she reportedly got the subs together to hold hands and recite a prayer. The ball flew right between the sticks.'

Mdebe returned home to Zimbabwe to visit her family in August of 2012, and as a result was unavailable to Dublin as they bowed out to Mayo in the All-Ireland semi-finals. However, she was back for the Metropolitans last year as they claimed success in the League, Leinster and All-Ireland championships.

'I didn't want to use her, but things weren't looking good in the final. I gave in to temptation. Binno beheaded a chicken in the dressing room. It survived for about an hour afterwards, while Aidan O'Shea proceeded to mimic the chicken's every move for the rest of the game. It happened in the league semi-final again this year, she kicked down a Jenga tower and Cork collapsed. It's nice to win, but I don't feel right about it, truth be told'.

The GAA have continuously overlooked Dublin's use of voodoo, but have put a stop to Kerry's use of a druid from Castleisland. Tyrone were given short thrift when applying to have well known witch doctor Murty McGilligooly as part of their panel, enforcing a previously unknown rule prohibiting over-60's from lining out for county teams. McGilligooly was banned for life after urinating in a designated smoking area at Croke Park, an incident that McGilligooly strongly denies ever took place.

'It's time we give up this obvious advantage. I want Dublin to prove themselves. I know our lads can do it without the aid of black magic. What we've done is wrong.', Gavin concluded.

No representatives from the GAA were available for comment. It is not thought that Kerry will be awarded the 2011 Championship, because nobody likes them, nor will Mayo be awarded the 2013 edition, because they are still under the strict conditions of a curse dating back to 1951.

[Thisonegoesto11]

read that in the Daily Sport too..

Glad he didn't let it out about poaching young players from other counties. Discarded Brown envelopes found in many rural Gaa grounds apparently.

[Johnnybegood]

read that in the Daily Sport too..

Glad he didn't let it out about poaching young players from other counties. Discarded Brown envelopes found in many rural Gaa grounds apparently.

is your post in any way slanderous?

[Banter Panther]

Lads, lads, stay focused on Gavin's comments. A lot of allegations being fired around there Thisonegoesto11, disgraceful allegations. There is no way I got this is from the Daily Sport!

[Thisonegoesto11]

read that in the Daily Sport too..

Glad he didn't let it out about poaching young players from other counties. Discarded Brown envelopes found in many rural Gaa grounds apparently.

is your post in any way slanderous?

Quoting the daily sport is probably safe enough..

[Syferus]

You need to pace yourself better, Black Panter.

[Banter Panther]

You need to pace yourself better, Black Panter.

Thanks for the advice. I have decided to ignore it. I wish you the best regardless.

[BennyCake]

It's gone all Eileen Drewery...

[Banter Panther]

It's gone all Eileen Drewery...

Drewery is a poor man's Mdebe. Mdebe is the witch doctor's witch doctor. She is the sole reason for Dublin's success. Watch as they fall asunder against Laois or Wicklow in Leinster. Dublin are toast now.