Fears

[Olly]

Does anyone have any fears that cripple their lives to the extent that they just live in their own beds surrounded by crisp packets, cups of tea and defecation?

Recently I developed a horrendous fear of the unknown. It just happened to be when I was driving the bus down to Carrickmacross and it suddenly hit me that anything could happen right now - i.e a burst tyre that would send me and my fellow inmates spiralling in a towering inferno 100 feet into the air and into the bushes. Or a rabbit or bear could jump from the roadside and I'd swerve and kill some old lady who was going to the toilet on the side of the road. Since then I've not been able to function in trepidation that I'd not do what I need to do.

Does anyone fear anything else?

[johnneycool]

A fella in work has a fear of getting caught short for a piss. He will not go anywhere (even to the shop across the street) without going for a piss first, even if he doesn't need one.

His mother must have really ingrained that into him as a child.

I know a lad who religiously took a dump before a game, even a home game (a fear of sorts), always had a bog roll in the kitbag and hates playing in Corrigan park, the bog meadow and up until recent years in Dunloy before they done the place up.

[AQMP]

Does anyone have any fears that cripple their lives to the extent that they just live in their own beds surrounded by crisp packets, cups of tea and defecation?

Otherwise known as any Saturday and Sunday morning for me in the 1980s.

[Hashtag]

A fella I know has a dear of spaghetti 

Can't even look at the stuff. There was a near death episode as a child. Spaghetti 1 Chrissy 0

[Hardy]

Does anyone have any fears that cripple their lives to the extent that they just live in their own beds surrounded by crisp packets, cups of tea and defecation?

Fear ón Srath Bán.

[Fear ón Srath Bán]

  Mead fecker! 

(though that was the meaning that hit me first when I saw the thread title)

[Onion Bag]

I have a fear of Mucksavages, 

[Lar Naparka]

Does anyone have any fears that cripple their lives to the extent that they just live in their own beds surrounded by crisp packets, cups of tea and defecation?

Recently I developed a horrendous fear of the unknown. It just happened to be when I was driving the bus down to Carrickmacross and it suddenly hit me that anything could happen right now - i.e a burst tyre that would send me and my fellow inmates spiralling in a towering inferno 100 feet into the air and into the bushes. Or a rabbit or bear could jump from the roadside and I'd swerve and kill some old lady who was going to the toilet on the side of the road. Since then I've not been able to function in trepidation that I'd not do what I need to do.

Does anyone fear anything else?

Ah Jaysus, Olly, you just resurrected an old childhood fear that I thought had long been exorcised from my mind.
Now I know I will never be able to freewheel down Campbell's hilleen again without a care in the world unless I'm wearing kneepads, a helmet and a pair of brown jocks.

One hot summer evening long ago in a more innocent time when the world hadn't yet heard of the Sunday Game, Bertie Ahern or Jedward, my mother sent me off to a relative to help with the haymaking.

Late in the evening I was returning home with a ten bob note in one pocket and a couple of Cadbury's Milk Chocolate bars in another. I pedalled along without a care in the world. As bad luck would have it, I was also given a bag of crisps, which were luxuries at the time.
I decided to cut a few miles off my journey by taking an old lane or boreen that wasn't much used by anyone any more. I had no way of knowing that another person had decided to travel this way also but her reason for doing so was rather different to mine.
Mind you, it turned out that I was to wind up doing the same thing as the old lady I literally came across.  But I wasn't to know this as I started to freewheel down a steep incline that finished off with a sharp right hand bend.
As I swung around the corner I saw a bike lying on the ground blocking the roadway. I had only one hand on the handlebars and I was pinning the crisp bag to the handle grip with my thumb and using the other hand to shovel the crisps into me gob. You could say that my control over the bike left a lot to be desired.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the owner of the abandoned bike, hunkered down at the side of the road. It was obvious that she was doing what a lady got to do but I couldn't help wishing that she had found another spot to do it.
I dropped the crisps and slammed on the brakes so the bike went into a skid and headed straight for the defecator as if it had a mind of its own.
The back brake pads had long since passed their best before date so I went flying over the handlebars and wound up lying halfway across her lap.
(She was fully seated on the ground at this stage!)
Both of us were too stunned to speak. I got up, picked up my bike and resumed my journey without a single glance at the old woman that I had, in a very real sense, landed in the shit.
I knew there would be hell to pay when my mother saw the dented mudguard and my scratched knees. I realised that I had responded to a call of nature while lying across the old dear's lap and that would take some explaining too!

I was more upset by the loss of my crisps than anything else that had happened.
I come from the wild west of east Mayo, where crisps at that time were hard to come by.
I met the original defecator from time to time after and she appeared to have wiped the incident from her mind. If she hadn't, she certainly made a good job of pretending that she had.
As for me, I graduated in time to a more roadworthy bike, learned to poop with more circumspection, most of the time anyway, but I became very territorial when anybody approached me when eating a bag of crisps.
I still am.

[quit yo jibbajabba]

QYJJ 'likes' the above post 

minds me of time myself and a minibus load of soccer players were goin oer the back road between omagh and draperstown, sped over a wee hill to see not far in the distance a young lady knelt oer doin her business. Of course we were sympathetic to her embarassment 

[Cold tea]

Lar Naparka one of the funniest stories I have heard. 

[Fear ón Srath Bán]

Good man Lar, punishing poor fairer sex parking, even at that young age! 

[orangeman]

This lad has no fear of flying anyway.


http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-oxfordshire-18160632

[5 Sams]

Good man Larnaparka. Another one for the GAABOARD annals/archives..

[AZOffaly]

Good man Larnaparka. Another one for the GAABOARD annals/archives..

Almost

[Billys Boots]

Magic story Lar, maith thú!