Wedding presents

[SidelineKick]

RM, whats this obsession with "covering the costs"? Its not the guests fault they were invited.  It shouldnt be up to them to make it cheaper for the bride and groom!

[pintsofguinness]

RM

But would a wedding with few people not put more pressure on people to cover the costs? There are certain fixed costs (band, DJ etc) and certain variable ones (meal). If follow my theory that people cover their costs then it would cost more per person as the fixed costs would not be as diluted? What would you call a reasonable wedding? £40 a head?

The wedding I was talking about, I think it only cost a couple of grand (and they wouldnt be short of a few pound either!)  they hadn't a band of DJ though, we'd a meal and a piss up. We were told, on several occasions, there was to be no presents though everyone did get them little keep sakes and stuff like that. 

To me a reasonable wedding is what you can afford and spare, cash wise. It's just beyond me why anyone would have a big wedding, when they dont want half the people there when the money could go in to a good holiday for themselves or in to the house or something. 

 

[DennistheMenace]

The more people that go to your wedding = potential money to cover the cost, no ?

[maggie]

RM Drive, didnt mean to judge or offend, probably didnt ask those questions in the best possible way.  I just dont see the need for such large amoutns of money. THEY are inviting you to THEIR day. You in no way should feel obliged to pay your way. Sure chances are your day will come (has came) round and it evens things out more or less.

I'm with Pints on this one, I'd hate to think any of my guests would feel like they have to pay their way.

As for the English woman giving £20, so what?  I think its more for the fact that everyone else would be thinking "f**k sake I gace £50 or £100".  As Pints said maybe its all she could afford. Or maybe she doesnt know them all that well. People should be less concerned with whats in the envelope and more concerned about who is there.

Its alright saying it, but I would love to be able to say "no gifts at all" on my invitations.  Wedding lists are ok when theres a wide variety of things and alot of things at the smaller end of the price range.

People are too materialistic these days, greedy and concerned with what the rest of the world thinks of them.  If someone wants to give a card with £20 so be it. If someone wants to give a card with nothing in it then so be it. I genuinely think many invites are simply to "bump up" the number of cards received.  Sad but (IMO) true.

No it wasn't all she could afford.
Its all very well being on your high horse saying it doesnt matter what you give/ its about the people you want being there etc etc
But at the end of the day I would want my meal/wine/evening buffet well covered for by giving enough of a present, but maybe thats just my materialistic view of the world.....

[The Real Laoislad]

Was at a wedding last year with 250+ guests,they had a ice sculpture at the head table of a swan or some shite like that,they released doves as they walked out from the church and had a lottery scratch card at everyones seat 
A few months later I was drinking with the guy who got married,he told me or rather started boasting to me that they had spent €45k on the wedding!
He wasn't best pleased when I told him he was a f**king eegit....
Well fair enough it was their day and they can spend their own money as they see wish,but I think it was ridiculous waste of money.

[pintsofguinness]

The more people that go to your wedding = potential money to cover the cost, no ?

Maybe so but it shouldnt be about that, if you're inviting people to help cover the costs you should take a look in the mirror.

Actually, I think I'm going to suggest to the woman to get married, we'll invite about 500 and have the reception in McDonalds.  
Yous can all come.  

A few months later I was drinking with the guy who got married,he told me or rather started boasting to me that they had spent €45k on the wedding!
He wasn't best pleased when I told him he was a f**king eegit....

Ha 

[SidelineKick]

RM Drive, didnt mean to judge or offend, probably didnt ask those questions in the best possible way.  I just dont see the need for such large amoutns of money. THEY are inviting you to THEIR day. You in no way should feel obliged to pay your way. Sure chances are your day will come (has came) round and it evens things out more or less.

I'm with Pints on this one, I'd hate to think any of my guests would feel like they have to pay their way.

As for the English woman giving £20, so what?  I think its more for the fact that everyone else would be thinking "f**k sake I gace £50 or £100".  As Pints said maybe its all she could afford. Or maybe she doesnt know them all that well. People should be less concerned with whats in the envelope and more concerned about who is there.

Its alright saying it, but I would love to be able to say "no gifts at all" on my invitations.  Wedding lists are ok when theres a wide variety of things and alot of things at the smaller end of the price range.

People are too materialistic these days, greedy and concerned with what the rest of the world thinks of them.  If someone wants to give a card with £20 so be it. If someone wants to give a card with nothing in it then so be it. I genuinely think many invites are simply to "bump up" the number of cards received.  Sad but (IMO) true.

No it wasn't all she could afford.
Its all very well being on your high horse saying it doesnt matter what you give/ its about the people you want being there etc etc
But at the end of the day I would want my meal/wine/evening buffet well covered for by giving enough of a present, but maybe thats just my materialistic view of the world.....

That wasnt a dig at you Maggie, just using that woman as an example. But she could have a number of reasons for not giving any more. Perhaps she feels any more is simply too much. Thats her choice. I  must say it does look bad in comparison to what the rest of the envelopes would hold but that so happens to be the world we live in, unfortunately.

[RMDrive]

RM Drive, didnt mean to judge or offend, probably didnt ask those questions in the best possible way.  I just dont see the need for such large amoutns of money. THEY are inviting you to THEIR day. You in no way should feel obliged to pay your way. Sure chances are your day will come (has came) round and it evens things out more or less.

I'm with Pints on this one, I'd hate to think any of my guests would feel like they have to pay their way.

As for the English woman giving £20, so what?  I think its more for the fact that everyone else would be thinking "f**k sake I gace £50 or £100".  As Pints said maybe its all she could afford. Or maybe she doesnt know them all that well. People should be less concerned with whats in the envelope and more concerned about who is there.

Its alright saying it, but I would love to be able to say "no gifts at all" on my invitations.  Wedding lists are ok when theres a wide variety of things and alot of things at the smaller end of the price range.

People are too materialistic these days, greedy and concerned with what the rest of the world thinks of them.  If someone wants to give a card with £20 so be it. If someone wants to give a card with nothing in it then so be it. I genuinely think many invites are simply to "bump up" the number of cards received.  Sad but (IMO) true.

Ah no worries SLK, I just didn't want to appear as if I throw money at weddings with not a care in the word. I'm a miserable fecker and it breaks my heart to have to spend all that money on a wedding. 4 years ago we went to 8 weddings in one year - if we had saved the money it would have been a dream holiday for us. But it was the year after we got married ourselves and I suppose we felt oblidged to people who came to ours.

Our wedding day wasn't about the money though and I'd guess it's the same for most people. We took out a loan to cover the costs of our wedding and I honestly wouldn't have minded if we got no cash at all. But people are very generous and we were lucky enough that the presents we received went a long way to covering the cost of the hotel. I suppose that has probably influenced my approach in that I feel obliged to reciprocate that generousity.

Maybe it would be better if it was clear that all/most of the cost was to be taken by the couple themselves (Maybe a bit like the hobbits where the person celebrating their birthday has to buy all his/her guests a present!). I suppose it used to be that the brides father covered the cost. AFAIK these days that has mostly dissappeared.

[DennistheMenace]

I would also say the English mentality is a bit different than the Irish but that might be me being a bit presumptious.

[RMDrive]

RM, whats this obsession with "covering the costs"? Its not the guests fault they were invited.  It shouldnt be up to them to make it cheaper for the bride and groom!

Ok I take your point and maybe I'm out on my own with this one. Put it like this ... I was delighted with every single person who attended our wedding irrespective of whether they gave a gift or not. How good your wedding day will be is a function of the people there, not of the money you spend.
But even if you have a sensible wedding (sans ice sculptures etc) it will still cost a fare few pound and I'm happy to cover my costs (there I go using it again!) towards that.

[pintsofguinness]

I suppose it used to be that the brides father covered the cost. AFAIK these days that has mostly dissappeared.

Thank God, horrible tradition imo.

[SidelineKick]

RM, whats this obsession with "covering the costs"? Its not the guests fault they were invited.  It shouldnt be up to them to make it cheaper for the bride and groom!

Ok I take your point and maybe I'm out on my own with this one. Put it like this ... I was delighted with every single person who attended our wedding irrespective of whether they gave a gift or not. How good your wedding day will be is a function of the people there, not of the money you spend.
But even if you have a sensible wedding (sans ice sculptures etc) it will still cost a fare few pound and I'm happy to cover my costs (there I go using it again!) towards that.

Earlier I said the more fool you! But it seems like a selfless act and you genuinely want to contribute towards their expenses. Pehaps I might not have such an opinion until I have a wedding of my own 

[The Real Laoislad]

I suppose it used to be that the brides father covered the cost. AFAIK these days that has mostly dissappeared.

Thank God, horrible tradition imo.

Agreed..
Wouldn't have anyone pay for my wedding only myself

[pintsofguinness]

I suppose it used to be that the brides father covered the cost. AFAIK these days that has mostly dissappeared.

Thank God, horrible tradition imo.

Agreed..
Wouldn't have anyone pay for my wedding only myself

I was at a cousins wedding a few years ago where the bride's parents paid for it.
Now, it was quite clear they were also in charge of the invitations and the band! there was only about 5 of us under 50! (bride and groom in their 20s).  The best man was only on about his third pint when he was sent out to the car to sleep it off!!!!!!!

I just cannot express or begin to explain how boring it was, most boring day of my life by a long way!!!  though I've a friend who had to go to an family wedding a few years before that and there was no drink allowed!!!!!!!!  I'm not on who thinks you need drink to enjoy yourself but f**king hell....

[SidelineKick]

I suppose it used to be that the brides father covered the cost. AFAIK these days that has mostly dissappeared.

Thank God, horrible tradition imo.

Agreed..
Wouldn't have anyone pay for my wedding only myself

I was at a cousins wedding a few years ago where the bride's parents paid for it.
Now, it was quite clear they were also in charge of the invitations and the band! there was only about 5 of us under 50! (bride and groom in their 20s).  The best man was only on about his third pint when he was sent out to the car to sleep it off!!!!!!!

I just cannot express or begin to explain how boring it was, most boring day of my life by a long way!!!  though I've a friend who had to go to an family wedding a few years before that and there was no drink allowed!!!!!!!!  I'm not on who thinks you need drink to enjoy yourself but f**king hell....

To me thats a very selfish thing to do. If some people want to take a drink they should be allowed.