Wedding presents

[tyrone girl]

Would actually love to go to this one on my own, might have a bit of peace. But if have him there its only chance i have of not getting too drunk and making a show of myself 

[maggie]

Had one of my best friends wedding in July- gave her £80 as i went on my tod (weddings are the best place to pull and i have a pretty good track record!!)
Also helped her with the cost and making of the invitations so i feel i did my bit.
She was telling rme though, an English woman gave them tweny quid as a present. 

Ok since nobody else is going to mention this! So, Maggie you just go to weddings on your 'tod' and pick up random men?
Whens your next wedding??!!

girls can be wedding crashers too!!

[DennistheMenace]

Always give £150 as couple and I think that is pretty generous to be honest.

I've got 6/7 weddings in the next few years and countless stags but if I didn't want to go but it is a massive day that I want to spend with my close friends.

Always bring a carryout myself to limit the cost as most hotels cost a fortune just booked a double room for 260 euro a night and thats wedding rate. Madness really.

[supersarsfields]

RM

IMO it's your choice not theirs. If you don't want to pay the prices (and it can sometimes be crazy) then don't go. I agree completely that some couples have lost the run of themselves and their wedding is more like a day long parade of their "taste" or "wealth". But for every wedding like that, there are 10 where the couple are simple good natured folks who are just trying to celebrate their big day with family and friends and are not trying to put on a show. To have a traditional Irish wedding these days is not cheap, no matter how straightforward you try to make it.

It's all very well saying if you dont want to pay it dont go and a lot of weddings people are invited to they've no option but to go, unless they want to offend the couple.

If a good friend or family member is getting married you cant not go to their wedding so you're expected to pay your way when they've chosen the hotel, the food, the location (if you've to pay for a night in a hotel/B&B) then you may also have had to pay to go on the stag/hen weekend, the women will spend a fortune on the stuff they spend money on also.  
It's their choices, not yours.  Maybe amongst their guests they've students, unemployed friends, elderly couples with nothing only their pensions or people who just simply cannot afford their choice of hotel.  How is it even remotely reasonable they expect these people to pay their way? and do you think they shouldnt go if they can't?

If it was me getting married I'd invite the people I wanted to share the day with and would be horrified if they felt they had to pay their way, particularly if I knew they couldnt.  


Btw RM, what exactly is a "traditional Irish wedding"?
and are you one of these people who think that if people don't go to a wedding they should send a present anyway?

It's a fair enough point I suppose. However I've been through it all and I always have a bit of sympathy with the couple getting married. On one hand you want to have a great day and to make it something that you will remember fondly for the rest of your lilfe (or until the next one), and on the other hand you don't want to force people to have to splash a whole load of cash.

I agree that there are some wedding that you just have to go to but I'd suggest that those are the very ones that you wouldn't mind splashing a bit of cash on. Would a couple be offended if someone (not close family or friends) didn't go to their wedding? I doubt it.

By traditional Irish wedding I meant the whole church, flowers, photos, hotel, band, sausages and sandwichs, DJ thing. Maybe it's not an accurate description of mst Irish weddings but it reflects the ones I have experienced at home and here in Mayo. It's traditional in that sense.

And no, I'm not someone who believes that you should send a present even if you don't go. That's called being daft.

Why's that?

[Doogie Browser]

Always give £150 as couple and I think that is pretty generous to be honest.

I've got 6/7 weddings in the next few years and countless stags but if I didn't want to go but it is a massive day that I want to spend with my close friends.

Always bring a carryout myself to limit the cost as most hotels cost a fortune just booked a double room for 260 euro a night and thats wedding rate. Madness really.

You can't beat the old Car-Bar

[pintsofguinness]

It's a fair enough point I suppose. However I've been through it all and I always have a bit of sympathy with the couple getting married. On one hand you want to have a great day and to make it something that you will remember fondly for the rest of your lilfe (or until the next one), and on the other hand you don't want to force people to have to splash a whole load of cash.

But you can do that without it costing a bomb.
The thing that drives the prices of weddings up the most is the hotel and the meal X however many guests you want. That can all be managed, imo no one needs over 100 at their wedding (if they even need 100).  No one has that many family members they talk to or like or friends!
I'd a family member married last year, it was only immediate family and a couple of their close friends invited, it had everything a traditional wedding would have and was a great day, cost them f**k all.  So it's not that people can't have reasonable weddings, it's that they won't or don't want to and that's fine if that's waht the want (madness if you ask me) but don't expect others to pay for it.

[RMDrive]

RM

IMO it's your choice not theirs. If you don't want to pay the prices (and it can sometimes be crazy) then don't go. I agree completely that some couples have lost the run of themselves and their wedding is more like a day long parade of their "taste" or "wealth". But for every wedding like that, there are 10 where the couple are simple good natured folks who are just trying to celebrate their big day with family and friends and are not trying to put on a show. To have a traditional Irish wedding these days is not cheap, no matter how straightforward you try to make it.

It's all very well saying if you dont want to pay it dont go and a lot of weddings people are invited to they've no option but to go, unless they want to offend the couple.

If a good friend or family member is getting married you cant not go to their wedding so you're expected to pay your way when they've chosen the hotel, the food, the location (if you've to pay for a night in a hotel/B&B) then you may also have had to pay to go on the stag/hen weekend, the women will spend a fortune on the stuff they spend money on also.  
It's their choices, not yours.  Maybe amongst their guests they've students, unemployed friends, elderly couples with nothing only their pensions or people who just simply cannot afford their choice of hotel.  How is it even remotely reasonable they expect these people to pay their way? and do you think they shouldnt go if they can't?

If it was me getting married I'd invite the people I wanted to share the day with and would be horrified if they felt they had to pay their way, particularly if I knew they couldnt.  


Btw RM, what exactly is a "traditional Irish wedding"?
and are you one of these people who think that if people don't go to a wedding they should send a present anyway?

It's a fair enough point I suppose. However I've been through it all and I always have a bit of sympathy with the couple getting married. On one hand you want to have a great day and to make it something that you will remember fondly for the rest of your lilfe (or until the next one), and on the other hand you don't want to force people to have to splash a whole load of cash.

I agree that there are some wedding that you just have to go to but I'd suggest that those are the very ones that you wouldn't mind splashing a bit of cash on. Would a couple be offended if someone (not close family or friends) didn't go to their wedding? I doubt it.

By traditional Irish wedding I meant the whole church, flowers, photos, hotel, band, sausages and sandwichs, DJ thing. Maybe it's not an accurate description of mst Irish weddings but it reflects the ones I have experienced at home and here in Mayo. It's traditional in that sense.

And no, I'm not someone who believes that you should send a present even if you don't go. That's called being daft.

Why's that?

Ah I just think that it's kind of a deal isn't it. They organise the day and you throw them a few bob? All I can say is that we've never sent a present if we didn't go to the wedding. Maybe it's the done thing and I just don't know it.

[DennistheMenace]

I'll have 150 family and friends (including her side)  I 'have to invite''would be expecting an invitation and I would want there.

[The Real Laoislad]

It's a fair enough point I suppose. However I've been through it all and I always have a bit of sympathy with the couple getting married. On one hand you want to have a great day and to make it something that you will remember fondly for the rest of your lilfe (or until the next one), and on the other hand you don't want to force people to have to splash a whole load of cash.

But you can do that without it costing a bomb.
The thing that drives the prices of weddings up the most is the hotel and the meal X however many guests you want. That can all be managed, imo no one needs over 100 at their wedding (if they even need 100).  No one has that many family members they talk to or like or friends!
I'd a family member married last year, it was only immediate family and a couple of their close friends invited, it had everything a traditional wedding would have and was a great day, cost them f**k all.  So it's not that people can't have reasonable weddings, it's that they won't or don't want to and that's fine if that's waht the want (madness if you ask me) but don't expect others to pay for it.

Couldn't agree more,any more than 100-120 is ridiculous and usually only to showoff IMHO..

[pintsofguinness]

I'll have 150 family and friends (including her side)  I 'have to invite''would be expecting an invitation and I would want there.

SO how many would you actually want there?

Why do people invite people to their weddings they dont actually want to be there?

[supersarsfields]

RM

IMO it's your choice not theirs. If you don't want to pay the prices (and it can sometimes be crazy) then don't go. I agree completely that some couples have lost the run of themselves and their wedding is more like a day long parade of their "taste" or "wealth". But for every wedding like that, there are 10 where the couple are simple good natured folks who are just trying to celebrate their big day with family and friends and are not trying to put on a show. To have a traditional Irish wedding these days is not cheap, no matter how straightforward you try to make it.

It's all very well saying if you dont want to pay it dont go and a lot of weddings people are invited to they've no option but to go, unless they want to offend the couple.

If a good friend or family member is getting married you cant not go to their wedding so you're expected to pay your way when they've chosen the hotel, the food, the location (if you've to pay for a night in a hotel/B&B) then you may also have had to pay to go on the stag/hen weekend, the women will spend a fortune on the stuff they spend money on also.  
It's their choices, not yours.  Maybe amongst their guests they've students, unemployed friends, elderly couples with nothing only their pensions or people who just simply cannot afford their choice of hotel.  How is it even remotely reasonable they expect these people to pay their way? and do you think they shouldnt go if they can't?

If it was me getting married I'd invite the people I wanted to share the day with and would be horrified if they felt they had to pay their way, particularly if I knew they couldnt.  


Btw RM, what exactly is a "traditional Irish wedding"?
and are you one of these people who think that if people don't go to a wedding they should send a present anyway?

It's a fair enough point I suppose. However I've been through it all and I always have a bit of sympathy with the couple getting married. On one hand you want to have a great day and to make it something that you will remember fondly for the rest of your lilfe (or until the next one), and on the other hand you don't want to force people to have to splash a whole load of cash.

I agree that there are some wedding that you just have to go to but I'd suggest that those are the very ones that you wouldn't mind splashing a bit of cash on. Would a couple be offended if someone (not close family or friends) didn't go to their wedding? I doubt it.

By traditional Irish wedding I meant the whole church, flowers, photos, hotel, band, sausages and sandwichs, DJ thing. Maybe it's not an accurate description of mst Irish weddings but it reflects the ones I have experienced at home and here in Mayo. It's traditional in that sense.

And no, I'm not someone who believes that you should send a present even if you don't go. That's called being daft.

Why's that?

Ah I just think that it's kind of a deal isn't it. They organise the day and you throw them a few bob? All I can say is that we've never sent a present if we didn't go to the wedding. Maybe it's the done thing and I just don't know it.

Naw maybe it's me that's wrong. I'd generally give something small even if I wasn't going. Usually under £50.

[RMDrive]

It's a fair enough point I suppose. However I've been through it all and I always have a bit of sympathy with the couple getting married. On one hand you want to have a great day and to make it something that you will remember fondly for the rest of your lilfe (or until the next one), and on the other hand you don't want to force people to have to splash a whole load of cash.

But you can do that without it costing a bomb.
The thing that drives the prices of weddings up the most is the hotel and the meal X however many guests you want. That can all be managed, imo no one needs over 100 at their wedding (if they even need 100).  No one has that many family members they talk to or like or friends!
I'd a family member married last year, it was only immediate family and a couple of their close friends invited, it had everything a traditional wedding would have and was a great day, cost them f**k all.  So it's not that people can't have reasonable weddings, it's that they won't or don't want to and that's fine if that's waht the want (madness if you ask me) but don't expect others to pay for it.

But would a wedding with few people not put more pressure on people to cover the costs? There are certain fixed costs (band, DJ etc) and certain variable ones (meal). If follow my theory that people cover their costs then it would cost more per person as the fixed costs would not be as diluted? What would you call a reasonable wedding? £40 a head?

I agree 100% about the number of people that you should have at your wedding. There were only about 50 people at our that we really really wanted there. The rest were there because of tradition - we were at theirs, relations you never see, neighbours that your mother would kill you if you didn't ask etc. But it's hard not to invite those. Tradition is a awkward thing to deal with at times and while it might be the right thing to do, it's hard to be the one to dispense with it.

[SidelineKick]

RM Drive, didnt mean to judge or offend, probably didnt ask those questions in the best possible way.  I just dont see the need for such large amoutns of money. THEY are inviting you to THEIR day. You in no way should feel obliged to pay your way. Sure chances are your day will come (has came) round and it evens things out more or less.

I'm with Pints on this one, I'd hate to think any of my guests would feel like they have to pay their way.

As for the English woman giving £20, so what?  I think its more for the fact that everyone else would be thinking "f**k sake I gace £50 or £100".  As Pints said maybe its all she could afford. Or maybe she doesnt know them all that well. People should be less concerned with whats in the envelope and more concerned about who is there.

Its alright saying it, but I would love to be able to say "no gifts at all" on my invitations.  Wedding lists are ok when theres a wide variety of things and alot of things at the smaller end of the price range.

People are too materialistic these days, greedy and concerned with what the rest of the world thinks of them.  If someone wants to give a card with £20 so be it. If someone wants to give a card with nothing in it then so be it. I genuinely think many invites are simply to "bump up" the number of cards received.  Sad but (IMO) true.

[DennistheMenace]

I'll have 150 family and friends (including her side)  I 'have to invite''would be expecting an invitation and I would want there.

SO how many would you actually want there?

Why do people invite people to their weddings they dont actually want to be there?

Everyone going I want there bar maybe the drunken uncle who I was forced into inviting, family pressure etc..

I have a large family and different circles of friends and I wouldn't invite anyone I didn't want there bar the above exception.

[RMDrive]

RM

IMO it's your choice not theirs. If you don't want to pay the prices (and it can sometimes be crazy) then don't go. I agree completely that some couples have lost the run of themselves and their wedding is more like a day long parade of their "taste" or "wealth". But for every wedding like that, there are 10 where the couple are simple good natured folks who are just trying to celebrate their big day with family and friends and are not trying to put on a show. To have a traditional Irish wedding these days is not cheap, no matter how straightforward you try to make it.

It's all very well saying if you dont want to pay it dont go and a lot of weddings people are invited to they've no option but to go, unless they want to offend the couple.

If a good friend or family member is getting married you cant not go to their wedding so you're expected to pay your way when they've chosen the hotel, the food, the location (if you've to pay for a night in a hotel/B&B) then you may also have had to pay to go on the stag/hen weekend, the women will spend a fortune on the stuff they spend money on also.  
It's their choices, not yours.  Maybe amongst their guests they've students, unemployed friends, elderly couples with nothing only their pensions or people who just simply cannot afford their choice of hotel.  How is it even remotely reasonable they expect these people to pay their way? and do you think they shouldnt go if they can't?

If it was me getting married I'd invite the people I wanted to share the day with and would be horrified if they felt they had to pay their way, particularly if I knew they couldnt.  


Btw RM, what exactly is a "traditional Irish wedding"?
and are you one of these people who think that if people don't go to a wedding they should send a present anyway?

It's a fair enough point I suppose. However I've been through it all and I always have a bit of sympathy with the couple getting married. On one hand you want to have a great day and to make it something that you will remember fondly for the rest of your lilfe (or until the next one), and on the other hand you don't want to force people to have to splash a whole load of cash.

I agree that there are some wedding that you just have to go to but I'd suggest that those are the very ones that you wouldn't mind splashing a bit of cash on. Would a couple be offended if someone (not close family or friends) didn't go to their wedding? I doubt it.

By traditional Irish wedding I meant the whole church, flowers, photos, hotel, band, sausages and sandwichs, DJ thing. Maybe it's not an accurate description of mst Irish weddings but it reflects the ones I have experienced at home and here in Mayo. It's traditional in that sense.

And no, I'm not someone who believes that you should send a present even if you don't go. That's called being daft.

Why's that?

Ah I just think that it's kind of a deal isn't it. They organise the day and you throw them a few bob? All I can say is that we've never sent a present if we didn't go to the wedding. Maybe it's the done thing and I just don't know it.

Naw maybe it's me that's wrong. I'd generally give something small even if I wasn't going. Usually under £50.

Fair play to you. You are officially invited to an imaginary wedding I'm having next week. I'll PM you my address for the £50