The Liverpool Joke thread.... let them commence!

[Guillem2]

What has happened to the famous Scouse sense of humour? Keep her lit Slim!!

[SuperSub]

What has happened to the famous Scouse sense of humour? Keep her lit Slim!!

Scouse sense of humour? Ah i think you have to be from Liverpool for that to apply

[bingobus]

What has happened to the famous Scouse sense of humour? Keep her lit Slim!!

When you mix it with the legendary Irish sense of humour the two positives repel each other an make us into bitter old lemons. The jokes are fine and actually humorous but its shits like Eminem's ballsack with his "tramps" "bin dippers" "scumbags" comments that piss me off. Perhaps on one of his trips to anfield he got some unapprecaited male-to-male attention from a scouser that has rattled his bones.

[J70]

A joke's a joke, and I can completely appreciate the spirit of a thread like this and take it on the chin (I would be highly amused if United, for example, had been hammered at home), but some of you are showing yourselves up to be complete muppets with your comments.

[Gabriel_Hurl]

I'm all for a laugh - but someone is gonna have to explain this one to me

Back to the Jokes.

In an desperate attempt to salvage something this season,  Rick Parry Liverpool's Chief Executive has contacted the Coronation Street scriptwriters asking if it's possible for Ken & Deirdre to get married again this year. 

[Over the Bar]

I'm all for a laugh - but someone is gonna have to explain this one to me

OK I thought all Liverpool fans would get this one.   In 2005 when Liverpool were in the CL final, there was a ditty going about that whenthey won the Euro Cup in 1978 the Pope died, Wales won the Triple Crown & Ken & Deirdre got married.  In 2005 these events all happened again and the writing was therfore on the wall.........

[An Fear Rua]

whos gonna shoot the pope....?

[Gabriel_Hurl]

OK I thought all Liverpool fans would get this one.   In 2005 when Liverpool were in the CL final, there was a ditty going about that whenthey won the Euro Cup in 1978 the Pope died, Wales won the Triple Crown & Ken & Deirdre got married.  In 2005 these events all happened again and the writing was therfore on the wall.........

Oh ...........

[An Fear Rua]

See honourable mention for toon platoon and liars as well:

Here's the unpalatable truth for anyone who admires what Liverpool Football Club once was: the club's fans deserve to dine on the steaming dung they were served up last night. Because as a crowd (not as individuals), they're dumb. Maybe lovably simple like Jason McAteer. Possibly so ostentatiously, in-your-face stupid that they inspire not laughter, not solidarity, not even sympathy, but a desire to avoid them at all costs ... or exploit them for all their worth. Here's why:

Midway through the second half of last night's shambles, Liverpool fans began booming out 'You'll Never Walk Alone' with such gusto that anyone tuning in at that precise moment would have assumed the home side were comfortably ahead. But, of course, they weren't. They were being rogered 5-1. Once again, then, the Liverpool faithful, like the loyal sheep of certain other clubs, were wallowing in failure. And this morning many of them smugly expect everyone to congratulate them for that by agreeing that they're "the greatest fans in the world", or some such swill.

Belting out your devotion to a club when it is, yet again, blatantly underachieving is not being a "true fan" any more than cheering on an alcoholic every time he downs a jug of vodka is being a true friend. Like a man suffering from an addiction, a once-great club hooked on mediocrity and half-success needs a mighty metaphorical boot in the hole. It needs to be shaken out of its self-defeating stupor. Sure, when you see signs of a willingness to get better, then rousing outpourings of affection may be appropriate, but until that point is reached, you've got to be cruel to be kind (like I'm being here, see). Gérard Houllier inched towards recovery and was embraced. Then he lost the plot and was indulged. Fan desertion should have: a) forced him to change his ways; or b) forced the directors to bin him sooner than 18 months after he'd passed his expiry date.

Similarly, Rafael Benítez initially suggested he was the man to restore Liverpool to greatness, most obviously when he somehow led them to Champions League triumph in 2005 despite initiallly botching his selection and tactics in the final. Greatness doesn't mean sporadic success in cups, it means sustained domination of leagues. And in that sense, Benítez has been going backwards since his inspired half-time changes in Istanbul.

So let's be clear: rather than pledge their allegiance to the unacceptable, Liverpool fans should have walked out en masse shortly after half-time in yesterday's debacle. And made it plain that until they're convinced that Liverpool could win the Premiership (nothing less should do) they will not be paying into Anfield, nor buying replica jerseys, official merchandise or Benítez's guff about not having enough money to rival the big three (when you've spunked £6.7m on Arsenal reject Jermaine Pennant, £7m on one season wonder(ish) Peter Crouch and oh-my-god-how-bloody-much?! on busy-but-aimless strikers such as Craig Bellamy and Dirk Kuyt, do you really deserve to be entrusted with even more funds, even if they were available? Certain Dubai fat cats may well be asking themselves that questions right now).

If there is anybody other than away fans at Anfield's next game, then Liverpool deserve another tonking.

All of the above is, of course, equally applicable to many fans of Newcastle, Manchester City and every other band of fools who regularly boast about filling their ground to watch overpaid underperformers. At best, you're the drunk following the blind. At worst, you're fodder for the likes of Freddy Shepherd.

[SlimShady]

here here!!!

[AZOffaly]

Or the thousands who attended Hole Trafford from the late 60's to 1992 or so?

You're being very harsh AFR, as I suspect you know. LFC fans support the club. Maybe the fans hoped it would trigger a fightback a la Istanbul, you know when they were 3 down to Milan, and getting a worse tonking. Or should they all have left then as well?

Anyway, I hope you walked out of Old Trafford last season and the season before as Ferguson lost the plot and United meandered along.

Do you still go to Old Trafford to be milked for all you are worth by the Glazers?

Either way, this money from Dubai had better come along quickly. Sooner we're back dishing the slagging the better. This receiving lark is over-rated

[Orior]

This joke thread has a serious lack of jokes, especially if you exclude Slim, arf arf!

[An Fear Rua]

I didnt write it, as I titled the thread, taken from elsewhere.

I know you had a bad night and all that....

[An Fear Rua]

and on the subject of being miked, of the 15 lads I went to football with regularly 4 have kept their books, and not one has spent a single penny on anything but a ticket since the day and hour they took the words football club off the badge, an individual protest started against the merchandising nature of the game long before horse jizz ever "came" on the horizon.

Ive never walked out of a game , be it Tyrone or Utd, Im long enough in the tooth to know that you take the rough with the smooth

[bingobus]

Thats the greatest load of pants I've read in a long time.

If that was the reasoning taken by every "true" fan then Newcastle wouldn't have sold a ticket in 40 odd years. Three quarters of all stadium would be continuously empty.

Support for a team is unconditional. Thats my view. You put up with the bad and the good. The bad is taken in the belief that the good will return. Last nights singing when beating wasn't a pat on the back for the supporters who can go home happy that if they aren't the best team on the field, at least it we are off it. The singing was their way of booing and showing the team that that it wasn't good enough. It was a reminder the powers that are that the team is their to serve the supporters and that was lacking last night.

Anyone who walked out, should stay out and get on Eminems ballbag high chair, where they wallow in their own self importance.