Clarkson does it again

[Eamonnca1]

I think the point is about how celebrity status in the UK can become so powerful that it can elevate people above the law. I know that (allegedly) punching your producer in the face so hard that he needs stitches might not be up there with Saville's crimes, but it's still against the law and at least a sackable offense. If I punched my boss in the face I'd expect to get the road.

[deiseach]

History is replete with examples of people leaving the Beeb thinking their audience would follow them. They soon find out how set in their ways people are when it comes to what button they press on their remote. 

[Sidney]

Jeremy Clarkson has three daughters, and I hope they all go blind.

Not one of them in one eye, all of them in all their eyes.

[Nigel White]

Kinda sounds like you're taking the comparison way to far, in true Clarkson style. Well done.

If anyone doesn't think the three of them won't be handed a pile of money by ITV or Channel 4 if Clarkson is fired (their contracts are all up at the end of the year anyways and were in negotiations for a new three year contract) and make a wildly successful car show they're insane.

Sorry, I'm not the one making the comparison, it's some of the popular press

[Nigel White]

Jeremy Clarkson has three daughters, and I hope they all go blind.

Not one of them in one eye, all of them in all their eyes.

I think poor old Oisin, who is the victim in this, is getting abuse of similar nature from Internet trolls

[deiseach]

Stewart Lee just called. He wants his joke back.

[Sidney]

Stewart Lee just called. He wants his joke back.

Who said it was a joke?

[gallsman]

Stewart Lee just called. He wants his joke back.

Going to see him in Belfast in May. Given his immense dislike of Clarkson, I hope he works all this new stuff into the routine.

[Sidney]

Davy Fitzgerald and Jeremy Clarkson to "trade places" for new TV3 documentary

Niamh Horan, Sunday Independent
March 15th, 2015

Clare hurling manager Davy Fitzgerald and controversial "Top Gear" presenter Jeremy Clarkson are to swap places for a new episode of the TV3 documentary series, "The Toughest Trade".

Fitzgerald will slot into Clarkson's role as co-presenter of the BBC motoring series alongside Richard Hammond and James May and also write self-styled, gratuitously offensive, non-PC columns for the Sunday Times, while Clarkson will manage Clare for the rest of the National Hurling League and this year's championship.

The TV3 show has received positive reviews so far - the first episode, which aired on Thursday night, featured former Tottenham and England soccer star David Bentley playing with the Crossmaglen Rangers Gaelic football team, while Crossmaglen's Aaron Kernan went to train with Sunderland FC and Kilkenny hurler Jackie Tyrrell tried his hand at baseball.

The "swap" deal has been described as "beneficial to both parties", given their respective current difficulties. Fitzgerald is having a tough time with Clare amid allegations from angry former panel members that he is a bully, while Clarkson is currently suspended by the BBC after punching a producer.

"Yeah, I'm really looking to working with Richard (Hammond) and James (May)", said Fitzgerald. "I'm already well used to working as part of a group of three with Seoirse (Bulfin) and Paul (Kinnerk), so I'd see myself slotting in perfectly.

"I'm looking forward to shouting "drive it" for a change, given that I'm always shouting at the Clare lads to go for a short pass."

"I suppose the gratuitous casual racism, xenophobic rhetoric and misogynism is something I'll have to learn on the job but I'm always eager to learn, and I'm sure it'll come quickly working in that environment."

"Davy was the perfect choice, really, given that Jeremy won't be available to us for the foreseeable future", said Top Gear executive producer Andy Wilman. "We needed an arrogant bully who buys into his own hype and portrays himself as an outsider, and he certainly fits that bill. Richard Hammond is also very happy that he'll no longer be seen as the midget in the studio. We are a bit concerned however that Davy won't be tall enough to see through the windscreen of some of the larger cars we feature on the show, so that's something we'll have to work around. We'll probably use him to condescendingly review some small cars like the new Fiat Cinquecento or some Korean or Malaysian piece of shit."

Assistant producer Oisin Tymon, the victim of Clarkson's alleged assault, is also said to be happy that he'll be working with a presenter who won't make fun of his Irishness.

Managing Clare will certainly be a new experience for Clarkson. "I haven't a f**king clue what hurling is, I always thought it was when you got sick in the toilet after a completely mad night out with the lads, but I'm told it's actually some stupid Irish sport", said the suspended Top Gear presenter.

"Davy has told me that the players are lazy and there's a serious drink and drug problem in the team, although I could have guessed that already with them being Irish. It's lucky I've already earned so much money at the BBC given that I'm not going to be getting paid to manage the team."

"I'll be putting the players on a strict diet of potatoes, because as far as I know that's all they eat in Ireland. Are they still bombing the shit out of each other there?"

Clarkson has already had a crash course in Clare hurling history.

"I'm told when they won some tournament years ago, the captain shouted "the famine is over", but I never knew the famine in Ireland had ended, although apparently it has. How many people died in it, again?"

Despite yesterday's win over Dublin, Clarkson still faces a tough battle to keep Clare in Division 1 of the National Hurling League and there's also a Munster Championship showdown against Limerick on the horizon.

"Limerick? Isn't that a type of poem? What's with the names of these teams, anyway? Cork? That's something you pop out of a bottle of wine. Tipp? That's something you get for the bookies. Wexford? Are they named after Inspector Wexford or something? Anyway, isn't Clare a girl's name? What the hell's going on there? I hope it's not a team of girls I'm going to be managing, although, come to think of it, maybe I do..(guffaws). Can you get "The Sun" in Clare, by the way?"

Asked what he knew about the Clare team, Clarkson responded: "Nothing, but I hear Paddy and Mick are good players so they'll be the first name on the team sheet. When they asked me to train the team my first reaction was "Fine, fine, but I'm going to manage them, not train them, I don't want my name being associated with anything even vaguely related with public transport. I was delighted to hear they have a motorway there. I didn't even know they had roads, so it came as a big relief. Anyway, I'm sure before long I'll have them in Top Gear (guffaws again)."

[ziggysego]

According to The Telegraph, the BBC are to announce Clarkson has been sacked in the morning.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/celebritynews/11493270/Jeremy-Clarkson-to-be-sacked-by-the-BBC.html

[gallsman]

According to The Telegraph, the BBC are to announce Clarkson has been sacked in the morning.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/celebritynews/11493270/Jeremy-Clarkson-to-be-sacked-by-the-BBC.html

Just right too. Regardless of all the sycophantic man love pouring in for Clarkson over the last few weeks or the fact he should have been dumped several times before, anyone who physically assaults a colleague in the workplace should expect to be dismissed. This case is no different.

[Eamonnca1]

You know you're having a mid-life crisis when you ring Piers Morgan up to bury the hatchet:

Here's how 'Top Gear' host Jeremy Clarkson and Piers Morgan ended their decade-long feud

For more than a decade, "Top Gear's" bombastic host Jeremy Clarkson and controversial TV personality Piers Morgan have been engaged in a brutal and entertaining feud.

Clarkson is currently awaiting a judgment about his future – he got into a "fracas" with a "Top Gear" producer, which the BBC is investigating. A decision over whether he will stay or go as a host is expected this week.

But this past Saturday, an unexpected voice of support surfaced.

In his Daily Mail column, Morgan himself revealed that the combative duo had declared a truce after a "five-hour long drinking session at a pub" last summer.

According to Morgan, Clarkson initiated the the peacemaking process by sending the fired-CNN host an early morning text message requesting that they "end it."

At the pub, the "Top Gear" host told Morgan:

I'm going through a difficult divorce, my first ex-wife has also came out of the woodwork to give me hell, I'm smoking too much, drinking too much, my back hurts, I'm all over the papers with this N-word scandal, I'm at war with my BBC bosses, and my mother has just died. I simply don't have the energy for you any more.

Graciously, Morgan replied by telling Clarkson that he was glad the feud was coming to an end because he had run out of "vile epithets" to direct at arch-nemesis, as well as ways to call Clarkson "fat and useless."

Piers Morgan phoneJeff Schear/Getty

The feud began more than a decade ago when Morgan — then the editor of the Daily Mirror — published compromising photos of Clarkson with a female BBC executive who was not his wife.

In 2003, the feud reached a boiling point after Clarkson threatened Morgan with physical violence and threw a glass of water on him onboard the last flight of the Concorde.

A year later, Clarkson carried out his threat and punched Morgan three times in the head at the National Press Awards, causing him to bleed profusely. Morgan still carries a scar on his temple from the incident, while Clarkson suffered a broken finger.

At the end of the their extended drinking session, Morgan revealed that Clarkson's daughter Emily showed up in time to find the besotted pair and take a photo. Morgan then got his son, a "Top Gear" fanatic, on the phone and introduced Clarkson as his "new best friend."

Jeremy Clarkson Top GearHannah Peters/ Getty Images

In his column, Morgan wrote in support of his former sworn enemy, now friend, Clarkson,

I sensed that Jeremy's just like pretty much every other 50-something in life; angst-ridden from damaged relationships, grieving loved ones, irritated by work-related issues, and battling inner demons.

While the much-maligned Morgan asked his readers to avoid pitying the "Top Gear" star, he did ask then to empathize with Clarkson, with the hope that Jeremy can sort out his life.

Read more:

[Sandino]

Well Clarkson is gone!

[AZOffaly]

Clarkson and Shefflin in the one day.

[muppet]

Clarkson and Shefflin in the one day.

Top Gear and Top Cat.