Very good sid. Keep em coming. :)
Roberto Duran would be proud of that trash talk. Very good.
Class. Great piece. 😂😂
Maith thú Sid, have you a corresponding piece put together for when the whole shebang comes crashing down? ;)
We're the only royalty in Gaelic football, says the Notorious Jimmy GBy Sean Borin', irishtimes.ie, June 21st, 2019, 11:23pm
Jim Gavin walks into the Croke Park media centre to the sound of Motorhead's "King of Kings", wearing a mock crown on his head.
It's a surreal scene. A few journalists applaud – one from the Evening Herald claps wildly as he stands to his feet, while a couple of others applaud more mildly, in apparent bewilderment.
It's the latest instalment of Gavin's astonishing heel turn as he tries to psyche out Dublin's latest opponents in their ongoing bid for five in a row.
As is customary, Brian Carthy has the first question.
"A first Leinster final clash between the men of Dublin and the men of Meath in five years, Jim, a rivalry that has such a wonderful history, always great respect there between the teams, and no doubt you'll have a lot of respect for Meath going into Sunday."
As Carthy talks, Gavin smirks and strokes his chin.
"Just a little bit, Brian. R.E.S.P.E.C.T., find out what it means to me...I'll tell you what it means – NOTHING! We have ZERO respect for Meath. They're a joke. A fraud. A sham.
"They call themselves Royals. On Sunday you're going to see the biggest massacre of Royals in Ireland since Mountbatten was blown to pieces. Eee-i-eee-i-oh!"
"Believe me when I tell you this – WE are the only royalty in Gaelic football. See this crown on my head? We are the kings of Gaelic football. Croke Park is our palace. The steps of the Hogan Stand are our throne. When you come here, you better bow down to the kings."
Martin Breheny then asks Gavin for his opinion of his opposite number Andy McEntee.
"Andy McEntee? They'd be better off with Helen McEntee! She has as much football knowledge as he does and she's a
lot prettier.
The only time Andy McEntee ever won anything was with a Dublin team. And Ballyboden said he was shit. That's why they ran him out of the place."
Malachy Clerkin is next in.
"You must have some great memories of Dublin and Meath clashes from your own playing days, Jim?""Yeah, every time I put the bins out on a Tuesday morning, it reminds me of Meath. Do you know why? Because I'm taking out the trash!
"Colm O'Rourke and his little shifty, beady eyes. Tommy Dowd, the big square head on him, Martin O'Connell, the big farmer head on him, Brendan Reilly and his stinky fake tan, Kevin Foley and his little pubey head, Brian Stafford and his even pubier head, Ollie Murphy and his ginger pubey head.
Graham Geraghty? if you can't beat the Dubs beat...some eggs. Ah, had yis goin't there, didn't I? Whites only in his case! Only havin' the buzz HAAAAAAAAA!!!
"Meath are thugs, they always were. But they're bringing a slingshot to a gunfight. They can't bring no proper weapons onto the field on Sunday - because Colm Coyle retired over 20 years ago."
"They ain't got James Bond to help them. Pierce Brosnan was a shite James Bond anyway. Meath won't even get 0-07 on Sunday. We're gonna beat the living daylights out of them."
Meath is only good for two things - one is holding concerts. The other is making carpets – and we're going to fuckin' walk all over them."
"They're so envious of us they copy our players names – who does this Bryan Menton fella think he is ? Brian Fenton? His real name is Jimmy O'Whackdeball."
"They say Meath have a mountain to climb – well these guys aren't fit to climb the Hill of Tara.
"Big fat heads on them like John Bruton, young fellas of ranchers fed on fat angel dust cows and driven everywhere by their mammies in poxy SUVs.
They've let themselves go like Hector O'Whatshisname? Gimme Hector Grey anyday. Rahoo Rahoo Rahoo!"
"Meath are living in the past – their glory days might as well be in the Book of Kells it's that long ago.
"Look at them now. Their spirit is totally broken. Their towns are full of Dubs who laugh at them. Their GAA clubs are filled with young fellas in Dublin jerseys. We have broken them as a people.
The only time they have any chance of a ray of sunlight in their lives is on the 21st of December at Newgrange. And this, my friends, is the 21st of June, the furthest day away from then. Say. No. More."
Gavin then stormed out of the room before signing some autographs for a few young Dublin supporters waiting in the lobby, and driving away in his AIG-sponsored Ferrari.
Tickets are still available for Sunday's Leinster final at Croke Park, priced at €35 for the stand (€40 on the day), and €25 for the terrace (€30 on the day), available from gaa.ie, Super Valu and Centra outlets and from the GAA ticket office in Dorset St.