All Ireland Final - The Comedy Corner - Post your Funnies !!

filthylittlebeast · September 08, 2008, 04:14:10 PM

Right folks, a little bit of lighthearted humor !!

Anyone who has any good verses or poems etc in relation to Kerry and Tyrone, please post !! Give us all a laugh !!

ziggysego · September 08, 2008, 04:15:28 PM

You're on the board more than me and that's saying something!

illdecide · September 08, 2008, 04:54:55 PM

Quote from: filthylittlebeast on September 08, 2008, 04:18:37 PM
This Is The Football Season

This is the football Season it is that time of year
When men in the pub talk football as they enjoy their beer
And look forward to September when one club will fly the winner's flag
The team that wins the Final gives their fans the right to brag.

Their wives nicknamed the footy widows their husbands at the football club
Or after work talking football with their mates down at the local pub
They take football so seriously 'tis their passion in life
The footy fan loves his football club as much as his children or his wife.

And if their team lose at the weekend they feel and look so sad
What's known as football addiction they seem to have it bad
They feel sad for their football team and the chance of winning Sam gone
But they cheer up and look forward to next years game as the working week wears on.

This is the football Season football has gone to their head
And their football scarves and beanies they even wear to bed
About their team they feel so passionate as if to them it did belong
And 'tis with delight and pride in victory that they sing the club song.

Stick to being a filthy beast

because you're not a poet...

filthylittlebeast · September 08, 2008, 06:29:43 PM

Not Comedy but in Memory of the great Cormac

The Brantry Boy
By Mickey Coleman

Morning has broken and I hear the news
Phones they are ringing there's people confused
There's news that in Eglish near the village of Moy
That the angels have taken the Brantry Boy

My heart it is breaking as I stand on the shore
For a friend and a leader we'll see you no more
Close to your home where the trout feed on fly
On this dull March morning I ask myself WHY?

Chorus:
The lake it is silent the water is calm
There's no fishing boats and there's no fisherman
The Brantry is quiet in the heart of Tyrone
For a captain, a hero, a legend has gone
A Gael in his short life he gave so much joy
Now I bid farewell to the Brantry Boy

Goodbye God bless as we carry you high
Shoulder to shoulder as the school children cry
The club's guard of honour stand proud and erect
As your teammates mourn their gallant full back

Through the green fields of Ireland you will no longer run
Where you wore the red hand for your county Tyrone
All over Ireland they speak of your name
And the way that you played the beautiful game

Chorus

Time has moved onwards to you now I pray
As I pass by your grave on this autumn day
I turn to a friend with tears in his eyes
Like me he still misses the Brantry Boy

Now around Tullygiven where the Oona runs free
I wander alone but there's someone with me
A swift-footed spirit moves on in my mind
To be part of the beauty that he left behind

Chorus

The lake it is silent the water is calm
There's no fishing boats and there's no fisherman
The Brantry is quiet in the heart of Tyrone
For a captain, a hero, a legend has gone
If I could see him today there's one thing I'd tell him
I miss you dear friend Cormac Mc Anallen

filthylittlebeast · September 08, 2008, 06:36:27 PM

Q. Did you hear the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
A. They had pictures of ARMAGH players on them and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Q. What do you have when 100 ARMAGH fans are buried up to their neck in sand?
A. Not enough sand.

Q. You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake, and a ARMAGH fan.
You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A. Shoot the ARMAGH fan - twice.

Frank Casey · September 08, 2008, 08:33:19 PM

Seems the Cork County Board have turned down Richard Branson's offer to sponsor their inter county teams next year. Apparantly Frank Murphy taught it too ironic to have "Virgin" on the jersey of a team getting f**ked by Kerry in Croke Park every year.

maddog · September 09, 2008, 08:21:19 AM

Quote from: filthylittlebeast on September 08, 2008, 06:36:27 PM
Q. Did you hear the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
A. They had pictures of ARMAGH players on them and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Q. What do you have when 100 ARMAGH fans are buried up to their neck in sand?
A. Not enough sand.

Q. You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake, and a ARMAGH fan.
You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A. Shoot the ARMAGH fan - twice.

Have you any more of them, absolute genius.........

feetofflames · September 09, 2008, 09:30:17 AM

Whats a Kerry man and a goat got in common?
Their kids are little animals.

filthylittlebeast · September 09, 2008, 09:45:36 AM

15 reasons why the gaelic is better than soccer

1- GAA nicknames mean something, soccer players just add a y to their surnames

2- Dublin vs Meath is a real derby. What does utd vs city derby mean to ronaldo or sibierski

3- The GAA player who played n front of 80,000 at the weekend will be taeching your children, selling ur meat or fixing your drains on a monday morning..The soccer player who plays in front of 80,000 will be moaning about playing too many games and will be trying to sell you his personalised brand of leisure wear.

4- How many soccer players does it take to screw i a light bulb?..11-one to put it in an the oller 10 to surround and kiss him after he does it.

5- John Terry would run a mile if he came up against Francie Bellew

6- Soccer players go to the papers after a game, gaelic players go to there local pub.

7- Gaa teams are numbered from 1-15, A soccer team reads like the lottery results!

8- All soccer players wear shinpads, some hurlers were helmets

9- Television runs soccer. Schoolteachers run the GAA.

10- The Gaelic is about were ur from, soccer is about who u like.

11- No segregation at GAA games!!!

12- No soccer team has a nickname quite as lovely as the fighting Cocks of Carlow.

13- Bubble perms never made it to croke park.

14- A scoreless draw in the GAA would be quite a novelty

15- Roman Abramovich can buy the league. You cant buy Sam!!!!!

filthylittlebeast · September 09, 2008, 09:46:50 AM

TYRONE JERSEY £25.00

TYRONE SHORTS £10.00

TYRONE JACKET £30.00

TYRONE BEATIN ARMAGH IN AN ALL IRELAND MATCH.......PRICELESS

FOR SELLIN APPLES THERES ARMAGH

FOR EVERYTHING ELSE LIKE WINNING ALL IRELAND CHAMPIONSHIPS IN GAELIC FOOTIE THERES THE TYRONE TEAM

filthylittlebeast · September 09, 2008, 09:47:36 AM

A primary teacher starts a new job at a school in South TYRONE trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her class that she is a TYRONE fan too.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are TYRONE Fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: "Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?" "Because I'm not an TYRONE fan," she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked: "Well, if you're not an TYRONE fan then who are you a fan of?"
"I'm a DOWN fan, and proud of it," Mary replied. The teacher could not believe her ears. "Mary, why, pray tell, are you a DOWN fan?" "Because my Mum and Dad are from DOWN, and my mum is a DOWN fan and my dad is a DOWN fan, so I'm a DOWN fan too!" "Well," said the teacher, in a obviously annoyed tone, "that's no reason for you to be a DOWN fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict and car thief, what would you be then?" "Then," Mary smiled,
"I'd be an ARMAGH fan."

filthylittlebeast · September 09, 2008, 09:50:19 AM

The Beautiful Game

Less than a minute remains on the clock,
As I tighten my lace and turn down my sock,
One last chance, and it's all down to me,
It must be a goal, for we need all three.
I step up to the ball and look towards the posts,
Is that the crowd I hear, or is it the ghosts
Of men who before me have faced the same test,
And never once failed to give of their best

My father he gave me the love of it all,
When he guided my feet to strike that first ball,
A hurley or football it's the same thing to me,
It's playing the game that matters you see.

From boys in a field to the crowd's great roar,
There's never been anything to excite more,
From the day I could run till the day I can't walk,
And even then, about the game I'll still talk.

The few steps to the ball now seem like a mile,
But a well placed shot and I'll be carried in style,
On the shoulders of team mates expressing their joy,
It's a dream that's consumed me since I was a boy.

My feet pound the ground, my foot sends the ball,
It sails through the air over men who are tall,
Then dipping and curling it finds the goal,
And just for a moment I'm in touch with my soul.

A whistle blows hard and I awake from the dream,
I'm watching my own son play for the team,
And maybe one day they'll announce HIS name,
As he steps out to play.....The Beautiful Game.

Jinxy · September 09, 2008, 09:59:44 AM

Quote from: maddog on September 09, 2008, 08:21:19 AM
Quote from: filthylittlebeast on September 08, 2008, 06:36:27 PM
Q. Did you hear the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
A. They had pictures of ARMAGH players on them and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Q. What do you have when 100 ARMAGH fans are buried up to their neck in sand?
A. Not enough sand.

Q. You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake, and a ARMAGH fan.
You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A. Shoot the ARMAGH fan - twice.

Have you any more of them, absolute genius.........

There's loads more of them. And they are all equally original as these......

maddog · September 09, 2008, 10:04:06 AM

Quote from: Jinxy on September 09, 2008, 09:59:44 AM
Quote from: maddog on September 09, 2008, 08:21:19 AM
Quote from: filthylittlebeast on September 08, 2008, 06:36:27 PM
Q. Did you hear the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
A. They had pictures of ARMAGH players on them and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Q. What do you have when 100 ARMAGH fans are buried up to their neck in sand?
A. Not enough sand.

Q. You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake, and a ARMAGH fan.
You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A. Shoot the ARMAGH fan - twice.

Have you any more of them, absolute genius.........

There's loads more of them. And they are all equally original as these......

Jaysus i'd never heard them before, mighty craic, keep them coming, lord knows on a wet morning like this we need a laugh, and like a breath of fresh air the filthybeast has illuminated the board.

filthylittlebeast · September 09, 2008, 10:09:31 AM

Pat Spillane, Colm O'Rourke, and Jarlath Burns are standing before
God at the throne of Heaven.
God looks at them and says; "Before granting you a place at my side, I
must first ask you what you believe in."
Addressing Colm O'Rourke first, he asks "What do you believe?"
O'Rourke looks God in the eye,and states passionately,"I believe
Gaelic football to be the food of life. Nothing else brings such
unbridled joy to so many people, from the slums of East Tyrone, to the
kingdom of Kerry. I have devoted my life to bring such joy to those
people who stood on the terraces supporting their club and county"
God looks up and offers Colm the seat to his left.
He then turns to Jarlath Burns. "And you, Mr Burns. What do you
believe?"
Jarlath stands tall and proud, "I believe courage, honour and passion
are the fundamentals to life, and I've spent my whole playing career
providing a living embodiment of these traits".
God, moved by the passion of the speech offers Jarlath the seat to his
right.
Finally, he turns to Pat Spillane. "And you, Mr Spillane. What do you
believe"
"I believe", says Pat, "that you're in my seat".