Scripture, why are some people so selective about it?

[Eamonnca1]

On another thread (which I'm reluctant to divert into this topic) I've just been informed that homosexuality is wrong because there's a Bible passage that says so.  Well there's plenty of other stuff that's banned by Bible verses, but I don't see such strict adherence to them.  Ever notice that? 

We all know that "the devil can quote scripture", there's something in there for everyone. No matter what you want to ban I'm sure there's a Bible quote somewhere that can state it outright or at least be twisted to suit your needs.  But I just find it interesting how selective some people are in which passages of scripture are to be taken literally and which are no longer valid.  They seem able to jump through hoops and twist and contort their minds like Houdini so that they can get the Bible to say exactly what they want it to say.

I mean look at the list below.  Is our friend Mr Fearon going to insist that these rules be taught in school as a moral code?  If he wants us to take him just as seriously on his anti-gay stance then we have to take him seriously on this other stuff.

Let's start with Leviticus 19:27 which has some great hair-styling advice: "You shall not round off the side-growth of your heads nor harm the edges of your beard."  So there you have it. Keep it scraggy, boys!

Leviticus 11:8, which is discussing pigs, reads "You shall not eat of their flesh nor touch their carcasses; they are unclean to you."  There goes your bacon for breakfast.

You'd better not read your horoscopes because here comes Leviticus 19:31 reads "Do not turn to mediums or spiritists; do not seek them out to be defiled by them. I am the Lord your God." The penalty for that? Check Leviticus 20:6: "As for the person who turns to mediums and to spiritists, to play the harlot after them, I will also set My face against that person and will cut him off from among his people."

Pulling out or whacking off seems to be forbidden too according to Genesis 38:9-10: "Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so when he went in to his brother's wife, he wasted his seed on the ground in order not to give offspring to his brother. But what he did was displeasing in the sight of the Lord; so He took his life also."

Yep -- pull out and get smote. That's harsh.

Tattoos. No tattoos. Leviticus 19:28 reads, "You shall not make any cuts in your body for the dead nor make any tattoo marks on yourselves: I am the Lord."

Not even a butterfly?  I wonder what the man above makes of a tattoo in the shape of a cross, hmm?

Leviticus 19:19 reads, "You are to keep My statutes. You shall not breed together two kinds of your cattle; you shall not sow your field with two kinds of seed, nor wear a garment upon you of two kinds of material mixed together." 

Translation: "Anyone sporting the polyester look is going underground!"  Better check the tag on your shirt now, matey.

I hope you never plan to divorce, even if you're a woman being beaten up. The Bible's fairly clear on this one: No divorcing. Because when you marry someone, according to Mark 10:8, you "are no longer two, but one flesh." And, Mark 10:9 reads, "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate."

Mark gets even more hardcore about it a few verses later, in Mark 10:11-12, "And He said to them, 'Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.'"

If you're doing a Lance and recovering from chemo and had to lose your balls, then you're in a spot of bother. According to Deuteronomy 23:1  "A man whose testicles are crushed or whose penis is cut off may never join the assembly of the Lord."  So there you have it.  Frankly I think Lance should go to hell anyway, but that's just me.

Better make sure the previous three generations were married before the next generation appeared, because Deuteronomy 23:2 reads, "No one of illegitimate birth shall enter the assembly of the Lord; none of his descendants, even to the tenth generation, shall enter the assembly of the Lord."

Better stop buying jewelry or nice clothes for the missus too, Timothy 2:9 has a big problem with that: "Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments."

Lobster, shrimp and clam chowder: All banned.
Leviticus 11:10 reads, "But whatever is in the seas and in the rivers that does not have fins and scales among all the teeming life of the water, and among all the living creatures that are in the water, they are detestable things to you."  They're full of cholesterol anyway, so maybe they were onto something there.

Leviticus 11 bans a TON of animals from being eaten (it's THE basis for Kosher law); beyond shellfish and pig, it also says you can't eat camel, rock badger, rabbit, eagle, vulture, buzzard, falcon, raven, crow, ostrich, owl, seagull, hawk, pelican, stork, heron, bat, winged insects that walk on four legs unless they have joints to jump with like grasshoppers (?), bear, mole, mouse, lizard, gecko, crocodile, chameleon and snail.

Sorry if that totally ruins your plans to go to a rock badger eat-off this weekend.

God forbid if your wife defends your life in a fight by grabbing your attacker's genitals. No joke. Deuteronomy actually devotes two verses to this exact scenario: Deuteronomy 25:11-12.

"If two men, a man and his countryman, are struggling together, and the wife of one comes near to deliver her husband from the hand of the one who is striking him, and puts out her hand and seizes his genitals, then you shall cut off her hand; you shall not show pity."

That's impossible to misinterpret. Ladies, if your husband is getting mugged, make sure to kick the mugger in the taws. Do not do the grip and squeeze. Or your hand needs to be cut off.

[theticklemister]

On another thread (which I'm reluctant to divert into this topic) I've just been informed that homosexuality is wrong because there's a Bible passage that says so.  Well there's plenty of other stuff that's banned by Bible verses, but I don't see such strict adherence to them.  Ever notice that? 

We all know that "the devil can quote scripture", there's something in there for everyone. No matter what you want to ban I'm sure there's a Bible quote somewhere that can state it outright or at least be twisted to suit your needs.  But I just find it interesting how selective some people are in which passages of scripture are to be taken literally and which are no longer valid.  They seem able to jump through hoops and twist and contort their minds like Houdini so that they can get the Bible to say exactly what they want it to say.

I mean look at the list below.  Is our friend Mr Fearon going to insist that these rules be taught in school as a moral code?  If he wants us to take him just as seriously on his anti-gay stance then we have to take him seriously on this other stuff.

Let's start with Leviticus 19:27 which has some great hair-styling advice: "You shall not round off the side-growth of your heads nor harm the edges of your beard."  So there you have it. Keep it scraggy, boys!

Leviticus 11:8, which is discussing pigs, reads "You shall not eat of their flesh nor touch their carcasses; they are unclean to you."  There goes your bacon for breakfast.

You'd better not read your horoscopes because here comes Leviticus 19:31 reads "Do not turn to mediums or spiritists; do not seek them out to be defiled by them. I am the Lord your God." The penalty for that? Check Leviticus 20:6: "As for the person who turns to mediums and to spiritists, to play the harlot after them, I will also set My face against that person and will cut him off from among his people."

Pulling out or whacking off seems to be forbidden too according to Genesis 38:9-10: "Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so when he went in to his brother's wife, he wasted his seed on the ground in order not to give offspring to his brother. But what he did was displeasing in the sight of the Lord; so He took his life also."

Yep -- pull out and get smote. That's harsh.

Tattoos. No tattoos. Leviticus 19:28 reads, "You shall not make any cuts in your body for the dead nor make any tattoo marks on yourselves: I am the Lord."

Not even a butterfly?  I wonder what the man above makes of a tattoo in the shape of a cross, hmm?

Leviticus 19:19 reads, "You are to keep My statutes. You shall not breed together two kinds of your cattle; you shall not sow your field with two kinds of seed, nor wear a garment upon you of two kinds of material mixed together." 

Translation: "Anyone sporting the polyester look is going underground!"  Better check the tag on your shirt now, matey.

I hope you never plan to divorce, even if you're a woman being beaten up. The Bible's fairly clear on this one: No divorcing. Because when you marry someone, according to Mark 10:8, you "are no longer two, but one flesh." And, Mark 10:9 reads, "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate."

Mark gets even more hardcore about it a few verses later, in Mark 10:11-12, "And He said to them, 'Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.'"

If you're doing a Lance and recovering from chemo and had to lose your balls, then you're in a spot of bother. According to Deuteronomy 23:1  "A man whose testicles are crushed or whose penis is cut off may never join the assembly of the Lord."  So there you have it.  Frankly I think Lance should go to hell anyway, but that's just me.

Better make sure the previous three generations were married before the next generation appeared, because Deuteronomy 23:2 reads, "No one of illegitimate birth shall enter the assembly of the Lord; none of his descendants, even to the tenth generation, shall enter the assembly of the Lord."

Better stop buying jewelry or nice clothes for the missus too, Timothy 2:9 has a big problem with that: "Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments."

Lobster, shrimp and clam chowder: All banned.
Leviticus 11:10 reads, "But whatever is in the seas and in the rivers that does not have fins and scales among all the teeming life of the water, and among all the living creatures that are in the water, they are detestable things to you."  They're full of cholesterol anyway, so maybe they were onto something there.

Leviticus 11 bans a TON of animals from being eaten (it's THE basis for Kosher law); beyond shellfish and pig, it also says you can't eat camel, rock badger, rabbit, eagle, vulture, buzzard, falcon, raven, crow, ostrich, owl, seagull, hawk, pelican, stork, heron, bat, winged insects that walk on four legs unless they have joints to jump with like grasshoppers (?), bear, mole, mouse, lizard, gecko, crocodile, chameleon and snail.

Sorry if that totally ruins your plans to go to a rock badger eat-off this weekend.

God forbid if your wife defends your life in a fight by grabbing your attacker's genitals. No joke. Deuteronomy actually devotes two verses to this exact scenario: Deuteronomy 25:11-12.

"If two men, a man and his countryman, are struggling together, and the wife of one comes near to deliver her husband from the hand of the one who is striking him, and puts out her hand and seizes his genitals, then you shall cut off her hand; you shall not show pity."

That's impossible to misinterpret. Ladies, if your husband is getting mugged, make sure to kick the mugger in the taws. Do not do the grip and squeeze. Or your hand needs to be cut off.

Too late at night mucker for this!



Live a good life and be good to other people; that's what ye need to know. God can help ye in doing this too.

[Puckoon]

Fair play to you Eamonn - I knew you'd get there one day.

Funny funny stuff. Cheers. 

[Hardy]

Tattoos. No tattoos. Leviticus 19:28 reads, "You shall not make any cuts in your body for the dead nor make any tattoo marks on yourselves: I am the Lord."

See that, Puckoon. I knew it!

Also, I'd probably qualify to be Jewish, because I've never eaten any of those animals. Though I'm not certain about the rock badger.

[cadence]

i feel oppressed at the thought of wanting to have a w**k and eating buzzard at the same time and not being allowed to. oh, christianity! where has your radicalism gone? and where you ever really there for us buzzard eating wankers in the first place? 

[Maguire01]

[muppet]

i feel oppressed at the thought of wanting to have a w**k and eating buzzard at the same time and not being allowed to. oh, christianity! where has your radicalism gone? and where you ever really there for us buzzard eating w**kers in the first place?

This is particularly harsh on our Donegal brethren.

Though Dubs might also fell aggrieved if they knew what the phrase 'deadly Buzz' was short for.

[cadence]

i feel oppressed at the thought of wanting to have a w**k and eating buzzard at the same time and not being allowed to. oh, christianity! where has your radicalism gone? and where you ever really there for us buzzard eating w**kers in the first place?

This is particularly harsh on our Donegal brethren.

Though Dubs might also fell aggrieved if they knew what the phrase 'deadly Buzz' was short for.

dubs have penetrative sex with dead buzzards?

[J70]

On another thread (which I'm reluctant to divert into this topic) I've just been informed that homosexuality is wrong because there's a Bible passage that says so.  Well there's plenty of other stuff that's banned by Bible verses, but I don't see such strict adherence to them.  Ever notice that? 

We all know that "the devil can quote scripture", there's something in there for everyone. No matter what you want to ban I'm sure there's a Bible quote somewhere that can state it outright or at least be twisted to suit your needs.  But I just find it interesting how selective some people are in which passages of scripture are to be taken literally and which are no longer valid.  They seem able to jump through hoops and twist and contort their minds like Houdini so that they can get the Bible to say exactly what they want it to say.

I mean look at the list below.  Is our friend Mr Fearon going to insist that these rules be taught in school as a moral code?  If he wants us to take him just as seriously on his anti-gay stance then we have to take him seriously on this other stuff.

Let's start with Leviticus 19:27 which has some great hair-styling advice: "You shall not round off the side-growth of your heads nor harm the edges of your beard."  So there you have it. Keep it scraggy, boys!

Leviticus 11:8, which is discussing pigs, reads "You shall not eat of their flesh nor touch their carcasses; they are unclean to you."  There goes your bacon for breakfast.

You'd better not read your horoscopes because here comes Leviticus 19:31 reads "Do not turn to mediums or spiritists; do not seek them out to be defiled by them. I am the Lord your God." The penalty for that? Check Leviticus 20:6: "As for the person who turns to mediums and to spiritists, to play the harlot after them, I will also set My face against that person and will cut him off from among his people."

Pulling out or whacking off seems to be forbidden too according to Genesis 38:9-10: "Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so when he went in to his brother's wife, he wasted his seed on the ground in order not to give offspring to his brother. But what he did was displeasing in the sight of the Lord; so He took his life also."

Yep -- pull out and get smote. That's harsh.

Tattoos. No tattoos. Leviticus 19:28 reads, "You shall not make any cuts in your body for the dead nor make any tattoo marks on yourselves: I am the Lord."

Not even a butterfly?  I wonder what the man above makes of a tattoo in the shape of a cross, hmm?

Leviticus 19:19 reads, "You are to keep My statutes. You shall not breed together two kinds of your cattle; you shall not sow your field with two kinds of seed, nor wear a garment upon you of two kinds of material mixed together." 

Translation: "Anyone sporting the polyester look is going underground!"  Better check the tag on your shirt now, matey.

I hope you never plan to divorce, even if you're a woman being beaten up. The Bible's fairly clear on this one: No divorcing. Because when you marry someone, according to Mark 10:8, you "are no longer two, but one flesh." And, Mark 10:9 reads, "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate."

Mark gets even more hardcore about it a few verses later, in Mark 10:11-12, "And He said to them, 'Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.'"

If you're doing a Lance and recovering from chemo and had to lose your balls, then you're in a spot of bother. According to Deuteronomy 23:1  "A man whose testicles are crushed or whose penis is cut off may never join the assembly of the Lord."  So there you have it.  Frankly I think Lance should go to hell anyway, but that's just me.

Better make sure the previous three generations were married before the next generation appeared, because Deuteronomy 23:2 reads, "No one of illegitimate birth shall enter the assembly of the Lord; none of his descendants, even to the tenth generation, shall enter the assembly of the Lord."

Better stop buying jewelry or nice clothes for the missus too, Timothy 2:9 has a big problem with that: "Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments."

Lobster, shrimp and clam chowder: All banned.
Leviticus 11:10 reads, "But whatever is in the seas and in the rivers that does not have fins and scales among all the teeming life of the water, and among all the living creatures that are in the water, they are detestable things to you."  They're full of cholesterol anyway, so maybe they were onto something there.

Leviticus 11 bans a TON of animals from being eaten (it's THE basis for Kosher law); beyond shellfish and pig, it also says you can't eat camel, rock badger, rabbit, eagle, vulture, buzzard, falcon, raven, crow, ostrich, owl, seagull, hawk, pelican, stork, heron, bat, winged insects that walk on four legs unless they have joints to jump with like grasshoppers (?), bear, mole, mouse, lizard, gecko, crocodile, chameleon and snail.

Sorry if that totally ruins your plans to go to a rock badger eat-off this weekend.

God forbid if your wife defends your life in a fight by grabbing your attacker's genitals. No joke. Deuteronomy actually devotes two verses to this exact scenario: Deuteronomy 25:11-12.

"If two men, a man and his countryman, are struggling together, and the wife of one comes near to deliver her husband from the hand of the one who is striking him, and puts out her hand and seizes his genitals, then you shall cut off her hand; you shall not show pity."

That's impossible to misinterpret. Ladies, if your husband is getting mugged, make sure to kick the mugger in the taws. Do not do the grip and squeeze. Or your hand needs to be cut off.

Logic and consistency ain't their strong point!

[armaghniac]

This is an especially useless thread. The real question is why some people are not selective in how they quote scripture.

[Eamonnca1]

This is an especially useless thread. The real question is why some people are not selective in how they quote scripture.

Standby by for the "b..b..b..but if you read the whole book in a certain way then you'll find that all of the things that are banned in the Bible just happen to coincide with things that I think ought to be banned" defense...

[muppet]

i feel oppressed at the thought of wanting to have a w**k and eating buzzard at the same time and not being allowed to. oh, christianity! where has your radicalism gone? and where you ever really there for us buzzard eating w**kers in the first place?

This is particularly harsh on our Donegal brethren.

Though Dubs might also fell aggrieved if they knew what the phrase 'deadly Buzz' was short for.

dubs have penetrative sex with dead buzzards?

Yes jim.

All the time.

Don't even ask about Roscommon.

[tyssam5]

"Yep -- pull out and get smote. That's harsh."

Only if it's yourbrother's wife though, might start watching a few more Man U games, they could get interesting.

[Olly]

Their children also shall be dashed to pieces before their eyes; their houses shall be spoiled, and their wives raped. (Isaiah 13:16)

WTF?

[magpie seanie]

Eamonn - it's easy for us Catholics really. We have a guy called the Pope who God tells what is right and wrong and he just passes on the message to us. We are too thick and uneducated to read things properly and, heaven forbid, make up our own mind on them. Some reprobates think this is just a ruse to control people but good, holy, religious men would never do something like that would they? It's fierce handy that God tells the Pope all we need to know. Fair play.