relationship advice

tonto1888 · July 05, 2022, 01:47:07 PM

Or rather end of relationship advice.
Mine ended a month ago. It was a short enough relationship but we spent a lot of time together in the 3 months. I was ok until the last few days when it all seems to have hit me and I just feel absolute crap now. Time of year isnt fantastic either to be honest; it was my dad's anniversary yesterday. I dont know how to get over this guys and it's eating me up inside, and I feel in a fairly dark place right now. I feel like I need to message her but I done that a couple of week ago and got nothing in return and all that waits for me if I do that is more hurt. I cant drown my sorrows as I have been sober 7 years and I know that isnt the answer. Any advice would be much appreciated

Armagh18 · July 05, 2022, 01:53:50 PM

Everyones been there and it's shite but you really do just have to get on with it. Was going to suggest ring a few friends and go on the rip until I read on. My advice would be not to message her any more if you got nothing back the last time, try and head out and meet someone new, have a few flings and enjoy yourself! Everyone one is different though and what works for one won't work for the other. Anyway all the very best and keep the head up!

Jeepers Creepers · July 05, 2022, 02:42:13 PM

Cross it off and get back in the ring by moving on.

Last Man · July 05, 2022, 02:49:43 PM

This is a perfect time to throw yourself into a new activity. How's your health and fitness? Are there any new goals you could set on that front? Dig the garden, make things, physical hardship is great for the head. Are you involved with any coaching? Juvenile teams are always looking extra help. You might bring a completely new perspective and sharing that can be hugely rewarding. Your self esteem has taken a hammering but you are your own man and the power is within you to push over this hump on to new horizons. I'd stop going to to your regular haunts to save tripping over each other and raking up the past. The future is where it's at!

Rudi · July 05, 2022, 02:50:15 PM

PM sent Tonto, don't mind them 2 lads. No romance in them at all.

Olly · July 05, 2022, 02:53:55 PM

Listen to this flat out. Underrated and puts me in great form. Fantastic key change.

https://youtu.be/m8FCZ5x8Gpg

tonto1888 · July 05, 2022, 03:02:19 PM

Cheers for the responses guys, and the DMs Rudi, they are much appreciated.

tonto1888 · July 05, 2022, 03:03:41 PM

Quote from: Last Man on July 05, 2022, 02:49:43 PM
This is a perfect time to throw yourself into a new activity. How's your health and fitness? Are there any new goals you could set on that front? Dig the garden, make things, physical hardship is great for the head. Are you involved with any coaching? Juvenile teams are always looking extra help. You might bring a completely new perspective and sharing that can be hugely rewarding. Your self esteem has taken a hammering but you are your own man and the power is within you to push over this hump on to new horizons. I'd stop going to to your regular haunts to save tripping over each other and raking up the past. The future is where it's at!

Health and fitness is grand. I go to crossfit maybe 5 times a week. Ive a garden that needs work but that has never interested me other than cutting the grass

I will be 42 next month. I just feel like Im on the scrap heap already

rosnarun · July 05, 2022, 03:27:13 PM

Quote from: tonto1888 on July 05, 2022, 03:03:41 PM
Quote from: Last Man on July 05, 2022, 02:49:43 PM
This is a perfect time to throw yourself into a new activity. How's your health and fitness? Are there any new goals you could set on that front? Dig the garden, make things, physical hardship is great for the head. Are you involved with any coaching? Juvenile teams are always looking extra help. You might bring a completely new perspective and sharing that can be hugely rewarding. Your self esteem has taken a hammering but you are your own man and the power is within you to push over this hump on to new horizons. I'd stop going to to your regular haunts to save tripping over each other and raking up the past. The future is where it's at!
t

Health and fitness is grand. I go to crossfit maybe 5 times a week. Ive a garden that needs work but that has never interested me other than cutting the grass

I will be 42 next month. I just feel like Im on the scrap heap already

the age i met my now wife, I think people as people mature a lot of the 'dating' bull goes away and notions are fewer and people make an effort to see each other for what they are .
They no longer are as inclined to let one imperfection close the door on a relationship.
there's always online . one of its best feature is everyone is in a similar boat and all the crap of is a a relationship on the cards or not is gone. people talk straighter to each other.

Hereiam · July 05, 2022, 04:12:33 PM

I have a few hours of turf here to get home if you want something to take your mind of things....

Turf · July 05, 2022, 04:19:23 PM

Quote from: Hereiam on July 05, 2022, 04:12:33 PM
I have a few hours of turf here to get home if you want something to take your mind of things....

Keep yer hands off me sicko.

Aristo 60 · July 05, 2022, 04:33:00 PM

I've never done relationship advice but I need a 5 min break from report writing...so without wanting to pry

can you tell us much else about the relationship that would help us figure out your next steps?

For instance was there much of an age difference, was she fond of the finer things in life? Did you share common interests? Had she any old flames that might have only sparked up again once you were seen out and about together? Was travel an issue? Where are you both on the scale of attractiveness out of ten etc?

For a 3 month old relationship my guess is you might want to reflect on your interactions 3 weeks before the split as it probably took her a fortnight to decide to make the break.

Anything at all to put flesh on the bones of this and then we all might have a clear opinion. Working out in your head why it happened will be your first step on the road to recovery imo.

screenexile · July 05, 2022, 05:19:12 PM

In my own experience I'd say not to dwell on the reasons why she broke it off as you'll tie yourself up in knots. You weren't the right person for her (which in turn means she wasn't the one for you either) and sometimes it's as simple as that and it helps if you view it that way.

Easier said than done I know but the sooner you realise that these things can end for a multitude of reasons and there's nothing wrong with you, the easier it should be to get over it.

Had a similar situation myself years back and went into a bad place for a good period of months wondering what the hell was wrong with me, but I look back on it now and wish I'd known the above. I met my future wife a while after and wouldn't change it for the world.

Get back on the horse and hopefully the right one will be around the corner!!

tonto1888 · July 05, 2022, 05:23:53 PM

Quote from: screenexile on July 05, 2022, 05:19:12 PM
In my own experience I'd say not to dwell on the reasons why she broke it off as you'll tie yourself up in knots. You weren't the right person for her (which in turn means she wasn't the one for you either) and sometimes it's as simple as that and it helps if you view it that way.

Easier said than done I know but the sooner you realise that these things can end for a multitude of reasons and there's nothing wrong with you, the easier it should be to get over it.

Had a similar situation myself years back and went into a bad place for a good period of months wondering what the hell was wrong with me, but I look back on it now and wish I'd known the above. I met my future wife a while after and wouldn't change it for the world.

Get back on the horse and hopefully the right one will be around the corner!!

Thats where I am at at the moment, feeling like there is something wrong with me, like I am just not meant to be loved. Deep down I now itll pass with time it is just hurting a lot now. And I miss her

tonto1888 · July 05, 2022, 05:26:27 PM

Quote from: Aristo 60 on July 05, 2022, 04:33:00 PM
I've never done relationship advice but I need a 5 min break from report writing...so without wanting to pry can you tell us much else about the relationship that would help us figure out your next steps?

For instance was there much of an age difference, was she fond of the finer things in life? Did you share common interests? Had she any old flames that might have only sparked up again once you were seen out and about together? Was travel an issue? Where are you both on the scale of attractiveness out of ten etc?

For a 3 month old relationship my guess is you might want to reflect on your interactions 3 weeks before the split as it probably took her a fortnight to decide to make the break.

Anything at all to put flesh on the bones of this and then we all might have a clear opinion. Working out in your head why it happened will be your first step on the road to recovery imo.

Ao, she said there was nobody else so I dont think that was a thing. She said she fancied me a lot and I fancied ehr. She thought I was a great person, easy to get on with and funny and I thought the same of her. She said we fell into comfort far too quick and dint do much other than sit in and watch tele. She is right on that one. She lives in the same town as me but is from the other side. Religion didnt matter though. Her ex was catholic and so are her 3 kids. That was another thing, she said she was selfosh, with ehr kids and job she just wanted time to her