Famous GAA and Sporting Quotes?

[Hardy]

Similar one about a goalkeeper that was nicknamed "The Cat".

Because he was quick and agile? No. Because he peed in the corner of the net one day.

[deiseach]

"Bring on the Kilkenny bastards!" - overheard outside Croke Park after beating Galway in the All-Ireland quarter-final in 1998.

[thewingedlady]

Overheard this one in the social club. The storyteller says he was playing corner forward against another fella (who is now a top referee in the county!) The corner back, getting a pit pissed off at his performance, lashed out and said - "When I get ye, I'll drive ye that hard into the post they won't know whether to scrape ye off or paint over ye!"

Thought it was hillarious!

[rolloutking]

"Cones are for Guards and ladders are for firemen"

Val Andrews in response to modern training methods

[laceer]

portly keeper drops one into the net..keeper's uncle in the crowd roars "if it was a burger you wouldn't have dropped it" 

[Carmen Stateside]

Our midfielder gets bottled up and loses possesion only for the opposition to rattle the onionbag!
(Loud voice in crowd)......... if you had it now you would kick er!!!!

[Armagh Cúchulainns]

Non GAA but funny imo

Ian Wrights quote in tv interview

"It took a lot bottle to do what Tony did"

this was when discussing Tony Adams admittance to Alcoloholism

[stephenite]

Overheard on the Hill (not by me)

"If it was a fiver you'd have caught it" Dub fan shouting at Dessie Farrell

"Go on Jayo {pause} ..... hit him with your wok"

[criostlinn]

Another from the hill,

Jason Sherlock receiving attention after taling a knock a guy roars., leave him there, shite is good for the grass.

[Fíor Gael]

Not a GAA one but funny nonetheless:

Gordon Strachan leaving the pitch after just getting beat is stopped by a reporter'
Reporter; Gordon can we have a quick word?
Strachan; Velocity.
End of interview.

[sunny]

Sorry folks, a bit long

Roscommon fan after the controversial 1980 All-Ireland final: [/b]
Hi ref, how's your dog?
Ref: What do you mean? I don't have a dog.
Fan: That's strange. You're the first blind man I've ever met that doesn't have a guide dog!

How would you know a Cork footballer? He's the one who thinks that oral s*x is just talking about it.
John B.Keane.

I used to think it was great being a wee nippy corner forward, but its better now being a big, fat one.
Ollie Murphy.

They shot the wrong Micheal Collins.
Ollie Murphy to referee Michael Collins after Donegal beat Meath in 2002.

He'll regret this to his dying day, if he lives that long.
Dublin fan after Charlie Redmond missed a penalty in the 1994 All-Ireland final.

Hurry up and make a decision, ref. I have to go home to bale the hay!
The late Michael Young during a club game in Derry as the ref dithered about whether to award a penalty.

Now listen lads, I'm not happy with our tackling. We're hurting them but they keep getting up.
John B.Keane ventures into coaching.

Paddy McCormack (digging a hole along the ground with his boot):
You're young Kearins, from Sligo. I presume you expect to go back to Sligo this evening.
Mickey Kearins: Hopefully.
McCormack: Well, if you don't pass the mark, you have a fair chance of getting back.

Eugene McGee: Well, what happened? (Offaly player late for training.)
Offaly Player: Oh, the wheel fell off my mobile home.

Mick Holden (seriously late for training on a Saturday morning):
I was coming across town and I was stopped by the guards. They said I was a match for one of the guys that pulled the big bank robbery yesterday.
Kevin Heffernan: Really?
Holden: No, but it sounds so much better than saying I slept it out.

Meath are like Dracula. They're never dead till there's a stake through their heart.
Martin Carney.

Behind every Galway player there is another Galway player.
Meath fan at the 2001 All-Ireland final.

When Joe Brolly is winning, he's objectionable. When he's blowing kisses, he's highly objectionable.
Cavan fan.

He wouldn't see a foul in a henhouse.
Frustrated Sligo fan's judgement of the ref after the 2002 Connacht final.

There are two things in Ireland that would drive you to drink. GAA referees would drive you to drink and the price of drink would drive you to drink.
Another Sligo fan at the same match.

You get more contact in an old-time waltz at the old-folks' home than in a National League final.
Pat Spillane.

The first half was even, the second half was even worse.
Pat Spillane reflects on an Ulster Championship clash.

Meath players like to get their retaliation in first.
Cork fan in 1988.

Meath make football a colourful game - you get all black and blue.
Another Cork fan.

Ah yes, the career of the Gaelic footballer can end in a flash. Just ask any Roscommon player.
Keith Duggan on Roscommon's nude pool playing.

We're taking you off but we're not bothering to put on a sub. Just having you off will improve our situation.
Manager to a club player in Derry.

I'm going to tape the Angelus over this.
Meath fan after recording the 2001 All-Ireland final.

My Dad told me you were the man that lost the All-Ireland for Tyrone!
Young fan to Iggy Jones.

Reporter interviews Kevin Moran on TV after the 1978 All- Ireland final.
Reporter: How's the leg Kevin?
Kevin Moran: It's fuc..... it's very sore.

He's as useless as a back pocket in a vest.
Kerry fan on Colin Corkery.

I think Mickey Whelan believes tactics are a new kind of piles ony our arse.
Disgruntled Dublin fan.

Q: What's the difference between Paddy Cullen and a turnstile?
A: A turnstile only lets in one at a time.
Kerry fan after Cullen conceded five goals in the 1978 All-Ireland final.

Fermanagh has such a small playing base. Half the county is made up of water and half of the remaining half are Protestants.
Fermanagh fan bemoans the paucity of talent.

The rules of Meath football are basically simple: if it moves, kick it; if it doesn't move, kick it until it does.
Tyrone fan after a controversial All-Ireland semi-final.

A Kerry footballer with an inferiority complex is one who thinks he's just as good as everybody else.
John B. Keane.

"I love Cork so much that if I caught one of their hurlers in bed with my missus, I'd tiptoe downstairs and make him a cup of tea."
Joe Lynch, actor.

"We've won one All-Ireland in a row!"
Wexford fan in 1996.

"The toughest match that I ever heard of was the 1935 All-Ireland semi final - after 6 minutes the ball richocheted off a goalpost and went into the stand. The pulling continued relentlessly and it was 22 minutes before any of the players noticed the ball was missing."
Michael Smith.

"Sorry about the showers lads, a water problem, but I'll hose down those of you who want it."
The consoling words of a Croke Park steward, hose in hand, to Dublin players returning to the dressing rooms following their defeat in the 1975 All-Ireland final to find the showers broken.

"There's a lot of mystery about the way Waterford will actually line out and surely the GAA will have to do something about that. I mean, how is a pundit to make a prediction if teams are changed at the last minute? It's terrible carry on."
Tony Considine, former Clare selector and current analyst for The Examiner.

"A real hateful, sticky hoor. A lad that would just be up your hole the whole time."
Ollie Murphy (Meath) waxes lyrical on the type of corner back he dreads.

"The main thing is, they'd eat grass to win. That's what I want. I'm not interested in lads ringing me up saying that they can't train because they need a babysitter, or their mother is not well, or there's someone after passing away."
Larry Tompkins reveals the calibre of player best suited to his laid back style or management.

"Is this in recognition of all the one-parent families on the present panel?"
Joe Brolly's question to a Derry county board official when the team received only one complimentary ticket prior to their 1998 Ulster semi-final.

"No comment, and by the way, you can't quote me saying that."
Dublin's Brian Mullins butters his bread on both sides in response to a journalists question about his fitness prior to a key game.

"At this stage, Eamonn, you'd nearly have to fancy the Dubs."
The all-too honest reply of a Kildare player as they trailed heavily at half-time in the 1978 Leinster final. In an attempt to rally his forlorn troops, Kildare manager, Eamonn O'Donoghue had delivered a tub-thumping speech which ended with the rherotical question: "Who's gonna win this match?"

"I never retired. They just stopped picking me."
Derry full-back Tony Scullion explains the manner of his departure from the intercounty game.

"This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."
Ted Walsh, horse racing trainer and commentator.

I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.
Michael Jordan.

"T'would be nice, Paidi, t'would be nice."
John Egan's serene response to a query from Paidi O'Se before a big game: 'I suppose you'll be sticking in a few today?'

"He stood there in the middle of the room, one hand in his pocket, just like F Scott Fitzgerald and said 'Is that it?'"
Tony Hanahoe descirbes Dublin team-mate David Hickey's less than shocked reaction when players were summoned to a team meeting shortly after winning the 1976 All-Ireland and informed that Kevin Heffernan was to step down as manager.

"We're taking this match awful seriously. We're training three times a week now, and some of the boys are off the beer since Tuesday."
Offaly hurler quoted in the week before an All-Ireland final.

"Ger Loughnane was fair, he treated us all the same during training-like dogs."
Anonymous Clare hurler.

"Any chance of an autograph? Its for the wife...she really hates you."
Tipp fan to Ger Loughnane.

"I'm not giving away any secrets like that to Tipp. If I had my way, I wouldn't even tell them the time of the throw-in."
Ger Loughnane on his controversial selection policy.

"You can't win derbies with donkeys."
Babs Keating before Tipp played and lost to Cork in 1990.

"Sheep in a heap."
Babs Keating description of Offaly in 1998 after the Leinster final, they proceeded to win the All-Ireland.

"Babs keating 'resigned' as coach because of illness and fatigue. The players were sick and tired of him."
Offaly fan (1998).

Irish Indo after the Gardai raided a massage parlor (knocking shop) in Rathmines. This is the arresting Garda's testimony:
"When we entered the premises the defendant was naked and in an aroused state. When asked the reason for his presence at the establishment, he said he was being treated for a GAA injury."

"And as for you. You're not even good enough to play for this shower of useless no-hopers."
Former Clare mentor to one of his subs after a heavy defeat.

"Babs keating was arrested in Nenagh for shaking a cigarette machine, but the gardai let him off when he said he only wanted to borrow twenty players."
Waterford fan after 2002 Munster final.

"They have a forward line that couldn't punch holes in a paper bag."
Pat Spillane on the Cavan football team (1997).

"Hurlers are no different from human beings."
Anonymous.

"Meath players like to get their retaliation in first."
Cork fan (1988).

"Meath make football a colourful game -- you get all black and blue."
Another Cork fan (1988).

"Crossmaglen have some wonderful footballers but more importantly they have no bad ones."
Tom Humphries Irish Times 18 March 97.

"They were playing automatic football. When one Cross player won the ball another half dozen began to set themselves up for participation in any one of several possible scenarios."
Eugene Mc Gee Irish Independent 18 March 2000.

"Lads if we dont win, were going to loose."
Anonymous – every club dressing room around the country.

"We're going to do it."
Ger Loughnane – during a half time interview with RTE during the 1995 All-Ireland final against Offaly.

"Colin Corkery is deceptive. He is slower than he looks."
Kerry fan.

"Life isn't all beer and football...some of us haven't touched a football in months."
Kerry player during league campaign (1980s).

"I swear to God, my mother would be faster than most of those three fellas and she has a bit of arthristis in the knee."
Pat Spillane, describing the Armagh full back line at half time during the All-Ireland 2003. Armagh went on win.

"I'm always suspicious of games where you're the only ones that play it."
Jack Charlton on hurling.

[Heshs Umpire]

Not a GAA one but funny nonetheless:

Gordon Strachan leaving the pitch after just getting beat is stopped by a reporter'
Reporter; Gordon can we have a quick word?
Strachan; Velocity.
End of interview.

Hmm, I think Wee Gordon stole that line from the great Martin Buchan, Man Utd centreback in the 70's who originally came up with it.

[neutral]

hes behind you
Kerry fan roars at Sean Walsh as 5 in a row goes up  in smoke.

[Tubberman]

Another classic involves the Ballygar-St. Brendan's
hurling club in Galway where a major dispute reared it's head at
the AGM.
The chairman is reportedly a straight-talking bachelor of
questionalbe diplomacy. Amidst the row, a newly appointed priest
took the floor commenting on how the GAA should be a focal point
for the 2 parishes, not a source of argument. He continued on about
how everyone should pull together for the good of the club and see the
club as a unifying force. The chairman stood up and said: "Thanks
a lot for that now Father, but that's the kind of sh*te that
sickens my hole."

[prewtna]

at the mayo vs roscommon connaught final in hyde park in the late 90s cant remember what year.

roscommon get their first score. place goes mad.

mayo fan: 'christ will ye put away them flags, the dust is killing me'