Pope resigns

[EC Unique]

Don't panic!  Rafa is filling in until a decent replacement can be found!!

[supersarsfields]

‏@paddypower
Bizarre developing news that Benedict has resigned because preliminary DNA tests have found high levels of Horse DNA in the Holy Communion.

‏@paddypower
**BREAKING** An unusual twist in the Papal saga, as a potential successor has just arrived at the Vatican. pic.twitter.com/gvknINDr


https://twitter.com/paddypower/status/300942797500989440/photo/1

Paddy I'm assuming my cheque is in the post!

[mayogodhelpus@gmail.com]

Don't panic!  Rafa is filling in until a decent replacement can be found!!

You just proved me wrong that the Catholic Church couldn't be in an ever worse mess.

What next? The Papal State signs Torres for Grand Inquisitioner!

[haveaharp]

If anyone wants to contribute to the popes leaving present you can donate via Papal.

[mayogodhelpus@gmail.com]

If anyone wants to contribute to the popes leaving present you can donate via Papal.

[Ball DeBeaver]

Bye Bye Benny.

[johnneycool]

Bye Bye Benny.

You'll only be happy if Mel Gibson gets the pope gig!

[give her dixie]

http://newsthump.com/2013/02/11/pope-placed-on-gardening-leave-after-accepting-lucrative-offer-to-join-islam/

Pope placed on gardening leave after accepting lucrative offer to join Islam

Pope Benedict XVI has been placed on gardening leave after accepting an 'unbelievably generous' offer to join Islam on a free transfer during the religious transfer window.

In what is believed to be a historic move between the two great traditional rivals, the Pope will take a leading role in his new side as they seek to become the dominant force in world religion.

In a brief statement the Pontiff revealed his thoughts had been turning increasingly towards Mecca and that Islam represented his 'greatest professional challenge'.

The former Cardinal Ratzinger confirmed he would work his four-week notice period minus any holidays he carried forward from last year, but was immediately escorted from his gold throne.

"Once he told us he had signed a pre-contract agreement, we had no choice to send him home," explained one Vatican source.

"He was free to talk to other religions, obviously, but we were confident he'd sign on for another few years."

Pope transfer

Though his conversion is the most high-profile since Cat Stevens began trading under the name of Yusuf Islam and stopped signing autographs, the Pope spoke of both his sadness and excitement at the move, and his hope that the 'fans will understand'.

He told reporters gathered outside St Peters, "The Catholic fans have been great to me ever since I came here, and I can't thank them enough for all their support over the last five years."

"I just hope they can see this from my point of view and realise there is no greater challenge to a religious professional than crossing this great divide."

"It's a massive opportunity for me, and one I'm looking forward to."

"I'm going to have a few weeks off to recharge the batteries, and then I can't wait to pull on the famous Shalwar Kameez and show the Muslim fans what I can do."

[Denn Forever]

 

[give her dixie]

http://donegaldollop.wordpress.com/2013/02/11/popewatch-papal-policy-found-to-contain-95-horseshit/

POPEWATCH: Papal Policy Found to Contain 95% Horseshit?

The Dollop has learned from sources close to the Vatican that the reason behind Pope Benedict XVI's resignation is due to the finding of 95% horseshit in his various theological ramblings down through the years.

"We suspected a Romanian source to all the horseshit going around about contraception in Africa, hatred towards gays and what a woman should be allowed to do with her body" a spokesperson told us earlier, before adding that "all along, the horseshit was emanating from within the walls of that dress-wearing state within Rome, traceable to the former cardinal of German extract."

Benedict XVI was about to be sent for DNA testing to see if his horseshit utterance levels were dangerously high, something that would have immediately given him away as the reason for so many sick stomachs across the globe. It is understood he stood down from the papacy so as not to have this invasive and probing procedure (an area that only his closest aides are allowed near).

According to one news agency, is it now up to some other cardinal to take up the challenge of "oral defecation of the new vision for the world's 1.2 billion Catholics." As one holy pilgrim to St. Peter's Basilica told us "I'm like, totally heartbroken that I don't have this obscure elderly gentleman to tell me I can't have sex"

[Hardy]

[Syferus]

How will God know which one to talk to? Will he need to use one of those line splitters?

[T Fearon]

Sad news! As many of you are aware I'm a frequent visitor to Rome, and you are guaranteed to see the Pope on a Sunday (if he's not away gallivanting across the world) as he appears from the library window in St Peter's Square to recite the Angelus (you must remember it surely?)

Buzz around the City centre from about 10.30am onwards, as copious amounts of nuns and pilgrims of every nationality, pile on to vatican bound buses, and no better feeling at about 12.20pm, after being addressed by the Pope, walking away from St Peter's down the via Conciliatore, spiritually refreshed, and bolting in to one of the many cafes on that route for a capuccino!

[johnneycool]

Sad news! As many of you are aware I'm a frequent visitor to Rome, and you are guaranteed to see the Pope on a Sunday (if he's not away gallivanting across the world) as he appears from the library window in St Peter's Square to recite the Angelus (you must remember it surely?)

Buzz around the City centre from about 10.30am onwards, as copious amounts of nuns and pilgrims of every nationality, pile on to vatican bound buses, and no better feeling at about 12.20pm, after being addressed by the Pope, walking away from St Peter's down the via Conciliatore, spiritually refreshed, and bolting in to one of the many cafes on that route for a capuccino!

Don't worry Tone, I'm sure there'll be another one along soon enough, a young spritely 70 year old no doubt.

[muppet]

So if the next occupant is from the dark continent ole Nostradumus could have been on the money and we can all start praying for forgiveness or partieing till the end depending on your outlook

Nostradumus said the next man is from Roscommon?