Good Quotes

[Olly]

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."


- Brooke Shields,

during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign.

[Olly]

"Can you hear me? Squeeze once for yes and twice for no."

- Police detective
questioning a wounded officer

[Olly]

Lawyer: "Sir, what is your IQ?"
Defendant: "Well, I can see pretty well, I think."

- Testimony
from court records

[gerrykeegan]

One of my favourites by Olly


74   Non GAA Discussion / General discussion / Re: What will life be like in 20 years?  on: February 23, 2010, 09:24:22 AM 
I was reading one day and it might have been a paper or on here. It says that you can talk to  a Chinese person and as he is talking, the translation is being processed across your eyeballs by using special glasses. So if you went to France you would programme your glasses to translate from French into English and as he spoke it would be going across your eyeballs as he speaks so you can read it. The only downside of this is that your eyeballs are moving swiftly from side to side as he speaks and he might think you are making fun of him.

I also think we will have toasters that toast in second and ovens can do the same. I think we will have food that is man made but the same exactly as beef and pork but much safer. I think we will be paying for things using our eyes like a credit card. I mean the bank gives you a credit card or a bank card but instead of a card they use your eyeballs as the chip/pin thing. So if you went to pay for petrol or clothes, you would just look at the woman and she would sign a torch in your eyes and then the money comes out of your account.

I also think we will be attacked by aliens or some life on another planet. I firmly believe this and I think others in positions do too. I think wars and gun fights can be resolves by using our eyeballs as some kind of negotiating tool to read the minds of others. That means that if the Americans were fighting the Taliban, they would know who was in the Taliban in a shopping centre by looking at their faces and detecting nervous sweat.

[Olly]

"Cod are not very good swimmers so they are easily overtaken by trawlers and nets."


- British government report
on why cod fish are disappearing from the North Sea.

[Olly]

Then you add two forkfuls of cooking oil.

Julia Child,

American TV chef

[Olly]

Whenever I watch TV and I see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I would love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.


Mariah Carey.

A singer

[Man Marker]

One of my favourites by Olly


74   Non GAA Discussion / General discussion / Re: What will life be like in 20 years?  on: February 23, 2010, 09:24:22 AM 
I was reading one day and it might have been a paper or on here. It says that you can talk to  a Chinese person and as he is talking, the translation is being processed across your eyeballs by using special glasses. So if you went to France you would programme your glasses to translate from French into English and as he spoke it would be going across your eyeballs as he speaks so you can read it. The only downside of this is that your eyeballs are moving swiftly from side to side as he speaks and he might think you are making fun of him.

I also think we will have toasters that toast in second and ovens can do the same. I think we will have food that is man made but the same exactly as beef and pork but much safer. I think we will be paying for things using our eyes like a credit card. I mean the bank gives you a credit card or a bank card but instead of a card they use your eyeballs as the chip/pin thing. So if you went to pay for petrol or clothes, you would just look at the woman and she would sign a torch in your eyes and then the money comes out of your account.

I also think we will be attacked by aliens or some life on another planet. I firmly believe this and I think others in positions do too. I think wars and gun fights can be resolves by using our eyeballs as some kind of negotiating tool to read the minds of others. That means that if the Americans were fighting the Taliban, they would know who was in the Taliban in a shopping centre by looking at their faces and detecting nervous sweat.

i am pissing myself laughing at that that is just so funny, nut mag.

[Aerlik]

"To find his equal an Irishman is forced to talk to God!" - Stephen in Braveheart.

"and for those of you who are watching in black and white, the pink is next to the green." Ted Lowe, Pot Black snooker commentator....I remember this particular quote as my parents and big brother nearly keeled over laughing.

One of my favourites by Olly...
I think we will be paying for things using our eyes like a credit card. I mean the bank gives you a credit card or a bank card but instead of a card they use your eyeballs as the chip/pin thing. So if you went to pay for petrol or clothes, you would just look at the woman and she would sign a torch in your eyes and then the money comes out of your account.

The advance in biometrics means that this is highly likely in the next few years!

[ross4life]

Soccer Quotes

'My parents have always been there for me, ever since I was about 7." David Beckham

"I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league."
Mark Viduka

"If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day."
Neville Southall

"I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable."
Paul Gascoigne

"I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and
hopefully after that as well."
Alan Shearer

"I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona."
Mark Draper

"You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe we'll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're knocked out."
Peter Shilton

"I faxed a transfer request to the club at the beginning of the week,but let me state that I don't want to leave Leicester."
Stan Collymore

"I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on the screen that George (Ndah) had scored in the first minute at Birmingham. My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was out there playing."
Ade Akinbiyi

"Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match."
Ian Wright

"I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier."
Ugo Ehiogu

"Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesborough."
Jonathan Woodgate

"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel."
Stuart Pearce

"I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my
right."
Lee Hendrie

"I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country."
Ian Rush

"Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11 internationals out there today."
Steve Lomas

"I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my
right sock."
Barry Venison

"I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet."
David Beckham

"The Brazilians were South American, and the Ukrainians will be more European."
Phil Neville

"All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed."
Mitchell Thomas

"One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best."
Alan Shearer

"I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd."
Johnny Giles

"Sometimes in football you have to score goals."
Thierry Henry

[Niall Quinn]

'i like my women like I like my coffee - with two es in them'
Barry the blender

[ross4life]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4O-wDli0S4&rel=0

Sid (wrestler) Listen closely he mixed up his quote live on TV 

[Never beat the deeler]

Pulp Fiction:

Butch: You okay?
Marsellus: Naw man. I'm pretty f****n' far from okay.
Butch: What now?
Marsellus: What now? Let me tell you what now. I'ma call a coupla hard, pipe-hittin' n*****s, who'll go to work on the homes here with a pair of pliers and a blow torch. You hear me talkin', hillbilly boy? I ain't through with you by a damn sight. I'ma get medieval on your ass.
Butch: I meant what now between me and you?
Marsellus: Oh, that what now. I tell you what now between me and you. There is no me and you. Not no more.

Jules: Now Yolanda, we're not gonna do anything stupid, are we?
Yolanda: You don't hurt him.
Jules: Nobody's gonna hurt anybody. We're gonna be like three little Fonzies here. And what's Fonzie like? Come on Yolanda what's Fonzie like?
Yolanda: Cool?
Jules: What?
Yolanda: He's cool.
Jules: Correctamundo. And that's what we're gonna be. We're gonna be cool. Now Ringo, I'm gonna count to three, and when I count three, you let go of your gun, and sit your ass down. But when you do it, you do it cool. Ready? One... two... three.
[Ringo sits down opposite Jules]
Yolanda: All right, now you let him go.
Jules: Yolanda, I thought you said you were gonna be cool. Now when you yell at me, it makes me nervous. And when I get nervous, I get scared. And when motherfu**ers get scared, that's when motherfu**ers accidentally get shot.
Yolanda: You just know, you touch him, you die.
Jules: Well, that seems to be the situation. But I don't want that. And you don't want that. And Ringo here *definitely* doesn't want that.

Jules: [Vincent and Jules are cleaning the inside of the car which is covered in blood] Oh, man, I will never forgive your ass for this shit. This is some f****d-up repugnant shit.
Vincent: Jules, did you ever hear the philosophy that once a man admits that he's wrong that he is immediately forgiven for all wrongdoings? Have you ever heard that?
Jules: Get the f**k out my face with that shit! The motherf***er that said that shit never had to pick up itty-bitty pieces of skull on account of your dumb ass.
Vincent: I got a threshold, Jules. I got a threshold for the abuse that I will take. Now, right now, I'm a f**kin' race car, right, and you got me the red. And I'm just sayin', I'm just sayin' that it's f**kin' dangerous to have a race car in the f**kin' red. That's all. I could blow.
Jules: Oh! Oh! You ready to blow?
Vincent: Yeah, I'm ready to blow.
Jules: Well, I'm a mushroom-cloud-layin' motherf**ker, motherf**ker! Every time my fingers touch brain, I'm Superfly T.N.T., I'm the Guns of the Navarone! IN FACT, WHAT THE F**K AM I DOIN' IN THE BACK? YOU'RE THE MOTHERF**KER WHO SHOULD BE ON BRAIN DETAIL! We're fu**in' switchin'! I'm washin' the windows, and you're pickin' up this nigger's skull!

Jules: The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

Fabienne: Whose motorcycle is this?
Butch: It's a chopper, baby.
Fabienne: Whose chopper is this?
Butch: It's Zed's.
Fabienne: Who's Zed?
Butch: Zed's dead, baby. Zed's dead.

[Never beat the deeler]

Father Ted:

Father Dougal: I know! Well lure them into a giant bingo game!
Father Ted: And how are we going to do that?
Father Dougal: We'll print up some bingo cards on our printing press and... oh.
Father Ted: Yes, it's the lack of a printing press that lets us down there. Or bingo balls. Or a PA system. Or in fact, any bingo paraphernalia at all.
Father Dougal: Damn. So near, yet so far.

Father Ted: I know what's going on, Pat Mustard. There are some very hairy babies on Craggy Island, and I think you are the hairy baby-maker.
Pat Mustard: Oh, yeah? Well, I think that you would need proof if you were going to make that sort of an accusation. And I'm a very careful man, Father. A very careful man!
Father Ted: Except when it comes to taking precautions in the bedroom.
Pat Mustard: Ah, w-... you certainly wouldn't be advising the use of artificial contraception now, Father, would you?
Father Ted: Yes, I... well... if you're going to be... of course you will... JUST FECK OFF!

Mrs Doyle: What would you say to a cup father?
[offers him a cup of tea]
Father Jack Hackett: FECK OFF, CUP!

Tom: No, Father. It's my money. I just didn't want to fill out the forms.

Father Dougal: It's like a big tide of jam coming toward us, but jam made out of old women.
\
Mrs Doyle: There's always time for a nice cup of tea. Sure, didn't the Lord himself pause for a nice cup of tea before giving himself up for the world.
Father Ted: No, he didn't, Mrs Doyle!
Mrs Doyle: Well, whatever the equivalent they had for tea in those days, cake or something. And speaking of cake, I have cake!
[holds up a cupcake]
Father Ted: No, thanks, Mrs Doyle.
Mrs Doyle: Are you sure, Father? There's cocaine in it!
Father Ted: WHAT?
Mrs Doyle: Oh, no, not cocaine. God, what am I on about. No, what d'you call them. Raisins.

Father Ted: It's not as if everyone's going to go off and join some mad religious cult just because we go off for a picnic for a couple of hours.
Father Dougal: God, Ted, I heard about those cults. Everyone dressing in black and saying our Lord's gonna come back and judge us all!
Father Ted: No... No, Dougal, that's us. That's Catholicism.

[J70]

I watched Mars Attacks again recently  (great film!):


Martian Translator Device: All green of skin... 800 centuries ago, their bodily fluids include the birth of half-breeds. For the fundamental truth self-determination of the cosmos, for dark is the suede that mows like a harvest.
Rod Steiger as the impatient, hawkish, General Decker: What the hell does that mean?


Jack Nicholson's President Dale: I want the people to know that they still have 2 out of 3 branches of the government working for them, and that ain't bad.


Martian Translator Device (as they're running around killing everyone left, right and center!): Don't run! We are your friends!