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At an awards ceremony last night in the Burlington Hotel Dublin, my incredible sexual technique was awarded the ISO9001 quality mark. I'd like to thank all those people who helped me achieve this award.

If you are female, aged under 50, and gagging for it, please PM me for further details.

Now they've added Facebook. Soon we'll be living in Planet Microsoft, and if you dont like it you'll be sent to that big rock in the sky called Linux Moon.

http://www.cbronline.com/article_news.asp?guid=3DEF913D-A79E-476D-AEB6-02B72B34BB36

Harold Wilson was right.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/northern_ireland/7057856.stm

£3k for the stress of a transfer?
£4k for the indignity of having to take a breathalyser test?

Quite unbelievable.

It seems that Ban of Ireland are putting in a big investment.

http://www.cbronline.com/article_news.asp?guid=8A99D9EF-DBA7-40E7-9654-6A64674AB66D

I'm just wondering who people here use, how good the service is, and have they ever jumped ship. No I dont work for a bank.

I save with the Northern. Sorry, correction. I owe the Northern loads-a-money. Their online service was complete and utter pish until they rolled out the Danish system. Now I can transfer money, order bacon and watch porn all through the same portal. Nearly.

This site may be a little slow to load. Some interesting sites in the top 100, for example 18, 19 and 27!!

http://www.alexa.com/site/ds/top_sites?cc=IE&ts_mode=country&lang=none

Following on from the Richie McRichie thread, who has been landed with unusal handles by their cruel parents?

I'll start with the sister of Jon Tickle, of Big Brother fame. His sister is called Tess.

Here, for your entertainment, is a list of religions. Put your hand up if you are a Satanist!

Adventist
Agnostic
Apostolic
Atheist
Ba'Hai
Baptist
Black Muslim
Buddhist
Calvinist
Celestial Church of God
Christadelphian
Christian
Christian Scientist
Church In Wales
Church of England
Church of Ireland
Church of Norway
Church of Scotland
Church of Sweden
Congregational
Coptic
Druid
Dutch Reform Church
Episcopalian
Ethiopian Orthodox
Evangelical
Gospel
Greek Orthodox
Hare Krishna
Hindu
Jain
Jehovah's Witness
Jewish
Lutheran
Methodist
Mormon
Muslim
Non Conformist
Non Permitted Religions
Other
Pagan
Parsi
Pentecostal
Presbyterian
Protestant
Quaker
Rastafarian
Roman Catholic
Russian Orthodox
Salvation Army
Satanism
Scientologist
Seventh Day Adventist
Shia Muslim
Shintoist
Sikh
Spiritualist
Sunni Muslim
Taoist
Unification
Unitarian
United Reformed
Unknown
Welsh Independent
Zoroastrian

On the way home from work on Friday evening, I saw a guy walking along who I thought I recognised as a colleague. So I pulled over to give him a lift into town.

But when I stopped and greeted him I realised it wasn't a colleague at all. However having already pulled over and opened the window I thought I'd better offer him a lift into town. The guy hopped into my car and as it turned out he was Eastern European but spoke very good English. He had a plastic bag with him and every few minutes he kept looking into the bag. By way of making conversation I asked him what was so interesting in the bag and he said "None of your f**king business".

I thought well, that's nice I'm doing this guy a favour and he talks to me like that. Anyway he continued to peer into the plastic bag. A few minutes later I thought I can't let this go and said "ah c'mon, what's in the bag?"

"None of you f**king business!" he replied again.

I thought well, that's enough and made an excuse that I was turning left here and told him to get out. I knew by his expression that he was cross at me and he got out of my car without saying a word. Has anyone else on this board experienced such in gratitude from Eastern Europeans?

Anyway, I had the last laugh because he left the plastic bag in my car!

[Any takers?.....What am I doing wrong?]

Any takers?.....

What am I doing wrong?


Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy. I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think I'm overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 - 250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms

-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my feelings

-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?

- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story there?

- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests






THE ANSWER

Dear xxxxxxxxx:
I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a cr@ppy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity...in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business sense to 'buy you' (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as 'articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful' as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way. Classic 'pump and dump.' I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

What do you think of this court case?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/northern_ireland/7038421.stm

No doubt about it, what the man did was totally wrong, but is there an over reaction? Is the woman unstable anyway? This could cost the council thousands of pounds.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/tayside_and_central/7038953.stm

I would put Haile up there with Federa and Woods. Aged 34 years, 2:04:55 for the marathon is incredible. He is superb.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/athletics/7020531.stm

You have to watch it 2 or 3 times to appreciate the look on her face

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x02PqtMgBBA&feature=bz301

Who will stop Kerry in 2008 and why?

Dublin - will they sort out their defensive inadequacies?
Monaghan - was the Farnay men run a flash in the pan
Derry - always there or thereabouts
Meath - continue to build
Cork - ah sure they only care about hurling

Triangular numbers are the numbers of balls needed to form a triangle i.e.

1, 3, 6, 10, 15, 21, 28, 36, 45, 55, ...

e.g. 15

e.g. 25 

Now for the interesting bit.

Every positive interger can be represented as the sum of up to 3 triangular numbers. Geez!

Stop drooling over Rose of Tralee pictures with this...

Two men are talking.

Man A "Do you have any children?"

Man B "Yes, 3"

Man A "What age are they?"

Man B "The product of ages is 36"

Man A "Hmmm, I don't have enough info. Tell me more"

Man B "The sum of their ages is your house number"

Man A "Hmmm, I don't have enough info. Tell me more"

Man B "My eldest child is a vegetarian"

Man A "Ah, now I know"



What are the ages of the children?

Who posted a video of me and Noel Edmunds laughing at me?

If I find that person I will rip them to shreds. Geddit?

Guys, there may be some people going to the Meath Cork match on Sunday who are colour blind. You'd better get yourself checked out here first.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colour_blindness

Try the number tests about half way down the page, under the heading Dichromacy.

and post it here if you're brave enough!

http://morph.cs.st-andrews.ac.uk//transformer/

When Johannes Kepler was 23 years old, he discovered that the distance the planets travel around the sun is proportinal to their size. That was in 1594, before the Internet, Youtube, GAABoard and Kerry's big haul of All-Irelands.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johannes_Kepler

What the feck will you have achieve / had you achieved by the time you were 23?