Best thing heard at a GAA match.

[Louth Exile]

years count, not posts...

So how long do you have be on here to not be a newcomer??

[Maguire01]

yet another newcomer on this board trying to police/quality control the contribution of others.

Eh?  What's that supposed to mean? I've been posting on this Board only a number of months less than yourself.  Surely i can pass opinion on a discussion board, no?  I didn't realise i had to serve time before being 'fully-fledged'!

I stand by my post to question whether being accused of 'kicking like a woman' is great humour.
It's not policing - it's just my opinion.

[Lar Naparka]

I was leaving the Old Cusack Stand one day, walking behind two very posh, haughty old ladies, or so I thought.
It was pouring rain very heavily and everyone on stand or terrace was soaking wet.
One turns to the other and says," Are ye wet , Mary?"
She spoke in a broad Mayo accent, same as my own.
"Wet?" says the other, also pure Mayo. "I'm so wet there's rivers runnin' down be the hasp of me arse!"
I couldn't stop laughing for weeks; it wasn't so much what she said but the fact that I had imagined both would have real toffee-tongued accents.
BTW, can any lady out there please tell me where the hasp of her arse is anyway?

[bigpaul]

Not one I heard but was told to me about a famous Ardboe man, who ,when involved in management,stood up on the bus and said 'hands up anybody who's not here'!

[thewingedlady]

Was at a monaghan waterford ladies football final a few years back in croker (98 I think). Can't remember what exactly happened, but a monaghan player must have put in a late or dirty challenge on her opposite number. It infuriated the Waterford man sitting right behind me, who stood up and shouted (in a fantastically funny accent) "Ye Monaghan whoore ye," at which point his wife hit him a belt and shouted "Seamus!" It had me laughing for the rest of the match.

[loughshore lad]

Not one I heard but was told to me about a famous Ardboe man, who ,when involved in management,stood up on the bus and said 'hands up anybody who's not here'!

Thats definitely true!!!  And I am almost certain it was either the same individual or his brother who delivered the following as outlined by orangeman:

What about the manager along the line who as the full back got to about the fifty appealed in a very loud tone for him to "GIVE HER THE SEMTEX" which was a call to the full back to kick the ball as hard and as long he possibly could ! 

[Croí na hÉireann]

Part of Westmeaths warm up for Saturdays game consisted of them shouldering each other in a big mill. Comment heard was that it was a wonder that the Dubs weren't joining in...

[rosnarun]

not wanting to monitor the quality of hardstation story
only i heard it about it happened to christy ring about 50 years ago with the addition of yer man looking dubtfully at ring and asking 'what kinda of sums' to which Ring replies 'hard sums'

[billy the kid]

A couple of years back my club were playing another club, with a notorious reputation for late hits and and boxing, in a reserve football championship match.  The game itself was dire to say the least but contained one of the most hilarious forms of justice ever witnessed.  

The game had been a niggly affair from start to finish and both sets of fans were very vocal and were def not covering themselves in glory, but there were these 2 old codgers supporting the other club hanging over the fence at the side of the pitch, who were disputing every decision and constantly questioning the marital status of the ref and the linesmens parents.

Mid-way through the second half, one of their half-backs who had been pulling and hauling men of the ball from start to finish and had put in a few late hits, started on one of our younger forwards right in front of these 2 codgers.  They roared encouragement to their clubmate as "that wee yella b*****d needs manners put on him".  Then what started as a bit of pushing and shouldering changed to their man boxing the young forward from our club in the mouth. This brought a roar of approval from the old codgers who were now foaming at the mouth (I suspect this could have been rabies but I cant be sure without proper testing)

The young forward from our club didnt want to appear soft and gave the Half-back a token bitch slap on the face. This incensed the Half-back and he started wrestling with the forward, and incensed the old codgers who shouted more and more abuse at the forward and more and more encouragement to their man. After a few seconds of doing the GAA tango they let go of each other, but the fun didnt stop there.

The 2 old codgers began harassing the linesman on that side who apparently had seen the handbags but hadnt done anything or said anything to the ref and just wasnt intrerested as it had all calmed down.  Calls of "Hi lineman are your f**king eyes painted on" and "c'mon Linesman you yella b*****d, do yer job that wee f**ker has to go", could be heard as far away as the other sideline.  After a few minutes of this abuse the linesman approached the ref at the next break in play.  

He pointed in the direction of the half-back from the other team and the young forward from ours and the old codgers cheered in excitement as they could smell justice in the air and were baying for blood.  Our young forward was informed "You'll f**king get what you deserve now, you dirty wee b*****d" and their defender was told "You wont have to worry about him now ________ "

And they were right.  The ref briskly walked over to the two players like a man on a mission an spoke to both very quickly and sent their half-back of!!

The two old codgers had essentially got their man sent off as the lineman wasnt goin to do anything until they started on him to speak to the ref.

F**king priceless, and f**king hilarious.

[DoYerJob Linesman]

Calls of "Hi lineman are your f**king eyes painted on" and "c'mon Linesman you yella b*****d, do yer job that wee f**ker has to go", could be heard as far away as the other sideline.  After a few minutes of this abuse the linesman approached the ref at the next break in play.  

Ah yes, that much loved and often heard proclamation, Do Yer Job Linesman!

[themanwhowasntthere]

I don't know what was said, but I was at an Ulster Club Hurling Final at Cushendall years ago between the home club & Ballycran I think it was. Anyway, I saw a young fella being press ganged & he was duly thrown over the fence onto the pitch side. Some ould fella of about 90 had got carried away & the false teeth had flown outta the mouth amid all the slabberin, over the fence & onto the turf. The young lad was thrown over the fence, lifted up the teeth as per instructions (although gingerly & with great reluctance), handed said teeth back to the ould lad, who stuck them back into his gob & he then resumed the commentary as if nothing had happened.

[RONAN]

For anyone who has ever played in Ballinascreen comments can be heard anywhere around the pitch.
Remember one day years ago, Derry were playin a National League game, cant remember who against but its regardless.
It was the early stages of the League and Enda Gormley was havin a quiet game by his standards in them days, pre-christmas Enda had spent a few weeks in Florida and it was showin, balls were goin into him and the corner back was givin Enda a rite roastin.
The Derry following was gettin alittle frustrated to which one hard core supporter shouted, "Hi Gormley go back to Florida, your rid out!!!!"
One of the most hilarious things i've ever heard, i think even Enda and the corner back had a laugh at it.

[thejuice]

This oul fella was sitting next to me during a Meath game against Laois i think a few years back in Navan, and Meath had just made a come back near the end and when Gerathy sent over the score to put us in the lead the oul lad bursts out singing

Just one cornetto, give it to me..........

Made no sense what-so-ever but we couldnt help laughing our heads off

[screenexile]

God I have a million of them.

In a match against Glen a few years ago we had the classic line from one All Ireland Winner to Another... "YE LAY DOWN LIKE A CALF GORMLEY!"

Another was when Screen played Ballinderry in the semi final of the championship and I was watching the game when one of my mates came on who was just 19. There were no kicking tees then and Mickey C used to bring a bucket of sand to build a mound for his kickouts. When one of our supporters saw Mickey building this mound on the 21 he roared at our player "Paul Devlin... PAUL DEVLIN... scatter that sand castle... SCATTER THAT SANDCASTLE!"

One of my personal favourites is "Get that man a saddle".

I'm sure I'll remember a few more and I'll fire them in when I do.

[loughshore lad]

Ardboe were playing Omagh yesterday and one of Ardboes more vocal followers bellowed out "ref book that badger!" when the referee was talking to an Omagh player after he had been involved in a bit of an altercation - nearly wet myself laughing.