Author Topic: Tyrone GAA makes surprise new Press Secretary appointment  (Read 1768 times)

sid waddell

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Tyrone GAA makes surprise new Press Secretary appointment
« on: July 22, 2017, 11:51:49 PM »
RED HAND SPICE

Sean Spicer appointed as new Tyrone GAA Press Secretary

by Damian Gormless, The Cookstown Sizzle, July 22nd, 2017

Tyrone have shocked both the GAA and political worlds with the appointment of Sean Spicer as the county's new official Press Secretary.

In a stunning coup for the Ulster champions, Spicer, who resigned as White House Press Secretary only yesterday, was unveiled at a press briefing at the county's Garvaghey Centre of Excellence this evening.

Furiously chewing on five sticks of chewing gum, Spicer explained his reasons for the unexpected move.

“I love Tyrone and I love Coach Harte, and that's why I've decided to come here” said Spicer. “'Tyrone Power!', as I say!”

“I'm a Republican to the core, and there's nowhere more Republican than Tyrone. I love red states, and there's nowhere more red state than Tyrone – it's the Red Hand state.”

“I love guns, and Republicans in Tyrone love guns too. They hate the government. I hate big government. The people are God-fearing and religious. So am I. The story about the team saying the rosary before each game persuaded me that this is the place I want to be. ”

Spicer says he fully supports the existing policy of Mickey Harte not to talk to RTE. For the rest of Tyrone's involvement in the championship, he will hold a daily press briefing to counter what he sees as the “fake news media” of RTE.

“Coach Harte is a great man. He's religious, God-fearing, supports wealth creators like Sean Quinn and I love his anti-abortion stance.”

“We will not talk to RTE. They are FAKE NEWS. For the last six years they have engaged in a witch hunt against Tyrone and especially against our beloved Coach Harte. Their ratings are falling. Nobody cares about their lies. It's sad!”

Spicer will write a weekly column for the Tyrone GAA website entitled “A View From The Bushes”, echoing his infamous midnight press briefing in the grounds of the White House.

The former White House Press Secretary was impressed by his whistle stop tour around the county this morning and afternoon.

“I dig Coalisland. I love the people. I got to see where Game of Thrones is filmed – man I love that show. The Ulster-American folk park took me back to my roots. They love their country music here too, just like back home. So it feels like home here in the old country. I can't wait to see Philomena Begley play live.”

He has also been familiarising himself with the team he will be representing.

“I saw a video of the Ulster final. It was totally awesome. Coach Harte's team made Tyrone great again. And what a crowd – it was the biggest crowd ever for a Gaelic football match.”

When told that the 32,000 people in attendance at Clones last Sunday was a full 58,000 less than the 90,000 that were present for the 1961 All-Ireland football final between Down and Offaly, Spicer was unrepentant.

“It was the biggest crowd for a Gaelic football match EVER. Period. Just look at the photographs.”

The team's fashion sense also appeals to Spicer.

“The team colours of all-white are just beautiful. All-white is the way it should stay. Tyrone should never go back to red shorts.”

“I love the team's history too. The boys from the Bushes repeatedly taking down Kerry in the 2000s – just like the 2004 US presidential election.”

When one Armagh-based reporter joked to Spicer that the 2008 All-Ireland final featured a group of bearded men taking down the “Twin Towers” in September, Spicer was unamused and briefly stormed out before being presuaded to return by Garvaghey tea lady Nuala O'Hoop.

After six months of service to Uncle Sam, Spicer is now hot on the chase of another Sam.

“I've just come from the White House, but the goal is to end up back in the other White House when we meet President Higgins with the Sam Maguire Trophy.”

As part of the deal to bring Donald Trump's former press secretary to Tyrone, the team's shirt sponsors will change from “McAleer and Rushe” to “McAleer and Russia”.

seafoid

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Re: Tyrone GAA makes surprise new Press Secretary appointment
« Reply #1 on: July 23, 2017, 12:03:28 AM »
Scaramucci has the gimp of a Dubs PR wallah
Lookit

sid waddell

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Re: Tyrone GAA makes surprise new Press Secretary appointment
« Reply #2 on: July 23, 2017, 12:36:48 AM »
Scaramucci has the gimp of a Dubs PR wallah
We in Dublin are the liberal, coastal elite.

Scaramucci can go and do the fandango with some hick inland county.

seafoid

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Re: Tyrone GAA makes surprise new Press Secretary appointment
« Reply #3 on: July 23, 2017, 01:15:53 AM »
Scaramucci has the gimp of a Dubs PR wallah
We in Dublin are the liberal, coastal elite.

Scaramucci can go and do the fandango with some hick inland county.
He reminds me of the fellas who would manage parking in the roads off Dorset st in the 1980s on big match days. Promise culchies to take care of their cars in return for an arbitrage fee.
Lookit

sid waddell

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Re: Tyrone GAA makes surprise new Press Secretary appointment
« Reply #4 on: July 23, 2017, 01:35:25 AM »
Scaramucci has the gimp of a Dubs PR wallah
We in Dublin are the liberal, coastal elite.

Scaramucci can go and do the fandango with some hick inland county.
He reminds me of the fellas who would manage parking in the roads off Dorset st in the 1980s on big match days. Promise culchies to take care of their cars in return for an arbitrage fee.
Tyrone GAA people always gave generously - after all, they believe in super-normal prophets.

They're hard boys from the Lough shore - or, as they prefer to be called, Lough Hard boys.

There was also a Sean Marty Lockhard but he was a different character altogether from a different county, which is culturally very different to Tyrone.
« Last Edit: July 23, 2017, 01:39:28 AM by sid waddell »

armaghniac

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Re: Tyrone GAA makes surprise new Press Secretary appointment
« Reply #5 on: July 23, 2017, 04:10:18 AM »
Every place on planet earth is culturally different from Tyrone.
If at first you don't succeed, then goto Plan B

Main Street

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Re: Tyrone GAA makes surprise new Press Secretary appointment
« Reply #6 on: July 23, 2017, 09:20:10 PM »
Tyrone hasn't evolved enough to have a culture.

johnneycool

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Re: Tyrone GAA makes surprise new Press Secretary appointment
« Reply #7 on: July 24, 2017, 10:48:16 AM »
RED HAND SPICE

Sean Spicer appointed as new Tyrone GAA Press Secretary

by Damian Gormless, The Cookstown Sizzle, July 22nd, 2017

Tyrone have shocked both the GAA and political worlds with the appointment of Sean Spicer as the county's new official Press Secretary.

In a stunning coup for the Ulster champions, Spicer, who resigned as White House Press Secretary only yesterday, was unveiled at a press briefing at the county's Garvaghey Centre of Excellence this evening.

Furiously chewing on five sticks of chewing gum, Spicer explained his reasons for the unexpected move.

“I love Tyrone and I love Coach Harte, and that's why I've decided to come here” said Spicer. “'Tyrone Power!', as I say!”

“I'm a Republican to the core, and there's nowhere more Republican than Tyrone. I love red states, and there's nowhere more red state than Tyrone – it's the Red Hand state.”

“I love guns, and Republicans in Tyrone love guns too. They hate the government. I hate big government. The people are God-fearing and religious. So am I. The story about the team saying the rosary before each game persuaded me that this is the place I want to be. ”

Spicer says he fully supports the existing policy of Mickey Harte not to talk to RTE. For the rest of Tyrone's involvement in the championship, he will hold a daily press briefing to counter what he sees as the “fake news media” of RTE.

“Coach Harte is a great man. He's religious, God-fearing, supports wealth creators like Sean Quinn and I love his anti-abortion stance.”

“We will not talk to RTE. They are FAKE NEWS. For the last six years they have engaged in a witch hunt against Tyrone and especially against our beloved Coach Harte. Their ratings are falling. Nobody cares about their lies. It's sad!”

Spicer will write a weekly column for the Tyrone GAA website entitled “A View From The Bushes”, echoing his infamous midnight press briefing in the grounds of the White House.

The former White House Press Secretary was impressed by his whistle stop tour around the county this morning and afternoon.

“I dig Coalisland. I love the people. I got to see where Game of Thrones is filmed – man I love that show. The Ulster-American folk park took me back to my roots. They love their country music here too, just like back home. So it feels like home here in the old country. I can't wait to see Philomena Begley play live.”

He has also been familiarising himself with the team he will be representing.

“I saw a video of the Ulster final. It was totally awesome. Coach Harte's team made Tyrone great again. And what a crowd – it was the biggest crowd ever for a Gaelic football match.”

When told that the 32,000 people in attendance at Clones last Sunday was a full 58,000 less than the 90,000 that were present for the 1961 All-Ireland football final between Down and Offaly, Spicer was unrepentant.

“It was the biggest crowd for a Gaelic football match EVER. Period. Just look at the photographs.”

The team's fashion sense also appeals to Spicer.

“The team colours of all-white are just beautiful. All-white is the way it should stay. Tyrone should never go back to red shorts.”

“I love the team's history too. The boys from the Bushes repeatedly taking down Kerry in the 2000s – just like the 2004 US presidential election.”

When one Armagh-based reporter joked to Spicer that the 2008 All-Ireland final featured a group of bearded men taking down the “Twin Towers” in September, Spicer was unamused and briefly stormed out before being presuaded to return by Garvaghey tea lady Nuala O'Hoop.

After six months of service to Uncle Sam, Spicer is now hot on the chase of another Sam.

“I've just come from the White House, but the goal is to end up back in the other White House when we meet President Higgins with the Sam Maguire Trophy.”

As part of the deal to bring Donald Trump's former press secretary to Tyrone, the team's shirt sponsors will change from “McAleer and Rushe” to “McAleer and Russia”.

I knew this was balls because Sean Spicer isn't related to Mickey Harte.