Dublin flood appeals

[his holiness nb]

Though the culchies and Nordies might appreciate this one 

Finglas was hit badly by the floods over the weekend. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering ' Whaas da bleeeding Story ?' 'aaaaaawright bud' and 'fuuuucksake'.

The flooding decimated the area causing approximately 30 euro worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Benidorm and Santa Ponsa were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt cars were destroyed. Many locals were woken well before their welfare cheque arrived.

RTE News reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to the terms with the fact that the damage had not been caused by illegal means.

One resident : Alexis Crystal Duffy, a 15 year old mother of 5 said 'It was such a F***in shock, me little wan Chardonnay Mercedes cem runnin inta me bedruem cryin, Me youngisst two Tyler Morgan an Megan Brooklyn slept tru ih all. But I was bleeedin shaken watchin F***in Rikki Laaake in da mornin'

Apparently though, looting, muggings and incidental crime did carry on as usual. The Irish Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Strongbow, Dutch Gold, Frozen Pizzas, and John Player Blue to the area to help stricken locals.

Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, which include Welfare Books and Jewellery including thousands of Sovereign Rings, many large Medallions and Hash Leaf Shaped earrings from Elizabeth Duke at Argos also Fine Bone China from Tommy's Wonderland of Value.

This Appeal is to raise money for food and clothing Parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after, items most needed include:
Fake Burberry or Kappa Baseball Caps
Hoodies (any type)
Tommy Hilfiger Tracks Suits (his and hers)
Nike/Adidas Shell Suits (female)
White Donnay Sports Socks Rockport Boots (and any other items usually sold in TK Maxx)
Anything from Magic or Unique

Food Parcels may be harder to come by as refrigeration may be a problem, but are needed all the same. Required Foodstuffs include:
McCains Oven Chips
Heinz Baked Beans
Goodfellas Frozen Pizzas
Coke/Fanta
Strongbow Cider
Smirnoff Ice
John Player Blue 15s

And Remember That Your Cash Contribution Also Counts!!!

Just 22c buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms and Bookies slips
Just 5 euro buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9
Only 6 euro will pay for a packet of 20 Major to calm the nerves of those affected.

Thank You Very Much For Your Help

[Hoof Hearted]

Hate to break this, but that's based on a spoof news report a while back of Belfast being struck by a major earthquake.

Still funny though.

yes, there is an audio version somewhere too