Best/worst lines to woo a lady?

dundrumite · June 19, 2008, 12:04:23 AM

Heard a lad in the bar in a very very drunk state ask a woman "to show your fa@@Y love." Needless to say he got a slap for his efforts. Anybody able to add any other smooth lines or actions they have heard or seen carried out in the pursuit of female company?

unforgiven · June 19, 2008, 12:08:24 AM

go up to a girl.
stare at her.
then stare at your crotch.
then the killer line.
"It's not gonna suck itself"

Always a winner

Fishbat · June 19, 2008, 12:11:24 AM

Quote from: unforgiven on June 19, 2008, 12:08:24 AM
go up to a girl.
stare at her.
then stare at your crotch.
then the killer line.
"It's not gonna suck itself"

Always a winner

Almost as big a winner as "fancy going halfers on a bastard"

dundrumite · June 19, 2008, 12:27:33 AM

Holy shit talk about a coincidence. Just seen an ad on TV for some Jimmy Carr show in which some bloke is asked worst chat up line, to which he has replied "Get your coat, your lucky...... I have decided to go ugly early tonight"

Orior · June 19, 2008, 12:27:47 AM

That reminds me of the guy who said to a girl at the bar "Can I smell your fanny?"

She says indignantly "No you certainly can not!"

He says "Oh it must be your feet then"

ONeill · June 19, 2008, 12:55:05 AM

Pulled the wife by asking her to help me dung out the yard some day. She thought it was some oul kinky operation but when I handed her the shovel in the middle of the lowlands she realised the innocence dripped from me like the dew from the rowan tree.

ziggysego · June 19, 2008, 01:16:39 AM

I told a girl last month that she had to kiss me, for it was the right thing to do. Amazingly it worked lol

Yes I Would · June 19, 2008, 01:21:50 AM

Direct but not OTT Ziggy.
Much more subtle than asking a girl to show her twat!!

Orior · June 19, 2008, 01:36:47 AM

Actually, I met my wife in a Travel Agency.

I was in looking for a cheap holiday, and she was the last resort.

Candyman · June 19, 2008, 09:34:41 AM

Old teacher of mine in St Pats swore by this (so he says anyway).....

Just come out and say "Right love lets cut the bullshit, do ye shag or not???" He reckons ye'll probably get 19 slaps in the bake but your guaranteed to go home with a "lady" at the 20th time of asking.....

Orior · June 19, 2008, 09:39:25 AM

Quote from: Candyman on June 19, 2008, 09:34:41 AM
Old teacher of mine in St Pats swore by this (so he says anyway).....

Just come out and say "Right love lets cut the bullshit, do ye shag or not???" He reckons ye'll probably get 19 slaps in the bake but your guaranteed to go home with a "lady" at the 20th time of asking.....

But I'm sure the girl's parents werent pleased

ziggysego · June 19, 2008, 09:44:17 AM

Quote from: Candyman on June 19, 2008, 09:34:41 AM
Old teacher of mine in St Pats swore by this (so he says anyway).....

Just come out and say "Right love lets cut the bullshit, do ye shag or not???" He reckons ye'll probably get 19 slaps in the bake but your guaranteed to go home with a "lady" at the 20th time of asking.....

A friend of mine used to work by the same motto. Never failed him.

ziggysego · June 19, 2008, 09:57:47 AM

Aaaaaah tram, I thought you were better than that!

thebandit · June 19, 2008, 09:59:01 AM

Do you want to be buried with our people?

ziggysego · June 19, 2008, 10:02:33 AM

My friend did the worse I've ever seen. It was in Sally O'Brien's, Omagh in 1996.

He went to the bar and asked for a bag of ice. Obviously the barman looked at him strange, but gave him the place. He scouted the place looking for he described as a suitable woman. (Yeah, he was a bit of a tosser).

He saw a woman and threw the bag at her feet and repeatly jumped on the bag. She asked him what the f**k he was doing, to which he replied.

"Just breaking the ice".

I said it before and I'll say it again, tosser