Best thing heard at a GAA match.

[heineken_on_tap]

I think for alot of these stories you would actually need to be present/know the characters involved to fully appreciate the humour!

[Lar Naparka]

I think for alot of these stories you would actually need to be present/know the characters involved to fully appreciate the humour!

You're dead right about this one!!
About 30 years ago I was a ringer on a team from Trinity College that went to Scotland for an Easter trip. (We played the Scottish Universities in a hurling/shinty hybrid game.)
Naturally enough, every last one of us was half-cut for every game and none more so than the only real hurler on the team. I had to carry him home to the digs on my back one night.
The game the next day was pure panic as the opponents were dead keen to claim a victory and most of us were only able to pull on anything that moved. One of our backs hit an almighty clearance up field and all of us were looking skywards to watch its flight. The lad outside me was digging his opponent in the back, jockeying for position as the ball began its descent.
Me and my marker started to jog out towards it too, with me keeping a friendly grip on his jersey.
Suddenly, at the last moment this fella, the one I had to jockeyback home, wheeled around and raced off towards a seagull that had just landed on the pitch. He drew an almighty skelp on the poor seagull and it was so wild that he toppled over and went sprawling. Me and the lad marking me were so stunned we just let the ball dribble by us and go out over the line.
Yer man stands up and looks around in amazement:
"Jaysus," sez he," I could have sworn the ball landed here somewhere."

[Frank Casey]

There's a storey about a veteran Niall Cahalane marking a young fit looking Colin Corkery in county championship game between Castlehaven and Nemo Rangers a decade or two ago.

Cahalane says "How're you doing"to Corkery and says "You're girlfriend looked pretty hot last night". Ball is punted down into the Nemo full forward line and, as the ball is dropping, Cahalane adds " and she looked pretty wrecked when I finished with her this morning". Niall cleaerd the ball and cleared out young Corkery for the remainder of the match.

The old dog for the hard road..............

Its only a rumour that Seamus Moynihan done the same thing to Corkery in the 2002 AI Semi

[pedro]

Two of the best I have heard involve Sean O'Neill from Cooley. His a big midfielder, a sort of throwback to the 60's and would go on as if he's from that era even though he's only about 27.

We would have a big rivalry with Cooley, and we were beating them by a couple of points in a league match in Cooley. So Cooley management throws big Sean onto the square for last few minutes. He's marking Colin Goss, Louth's regular full-back and an absolute beast of a man. Anyway, the ball is being humped in and the two boys are wrestling each other and neither of them has any interest in the ball, they both end up on the ground to which O'Neill says: "Come here to me Goss, don't make me put you over me knee"! I nearly pissed myself when I was told!

Another one is from the championship final last year. O'Neill didn;t start because he got a red in the quarter and only got it overturned that week. Anyhow, we were winning well and they sprung O'Neill on to curb Paddy Keenan's influence. He was only on a few minutes and a scuffle broke out after he caught PK late. O'Neill turns to PK and says: "I'm going to empty your tank this day, Keenan"

[tyrone exile]

Galway minors played Kilkenny in the All Ire semi final in '88. The cats (Carey, Ronan, O'Neill, Carter, etc) were walking it.

Ronan was injured in the second half and the Kilkenny doc was stitching him on the field. As the time went on a disgruntled Galwayman shouts out: "If ye don't hurry up he'll be over age!"

[laceer]

Have heard a few round the club from back in the day -
Sean Nail was a typical old style full back - arms like tree trunks,would have walked through you before he'd have have walked round you and loved a scrap.He was marking one of his workmates in an u21 championship semi final when the row went up at the other end of the field.Sean turned round and lamped the workmate - "f**k me Sean, what'd you do that for?' says his mate when he'd gathered himself. Sean says "By the time we get down there the row'll be over so i thought we'd start one here!'

Another oul fullback in the 70s was pedar.same mould as Sean but a dirty hallion as well.they were playing a festival match and pedar was marking a county man - first ball came in and the wee full forward won it, skinned pedar and stuck it in the net.pedar came out shakin the head. a few minutes later the ball was at the other end when a roar went up from the crowd.the referee ran up the other end where the wee county man was lyin out cold with pedar standing beside him with his arms folded.'what happened here' says the ref.'Pedar says, droll as f**k, "I think that boy fainted"

[youngfella]

keep em coming me sides are splitting 

[carnaross]

Was over home in Omagh a few years ago and went to a league game between Omagh and Donaghmore. Craic was mighty on the line, banter flying everywhere. The wife couldn't believe it!! Anyway, an Omagh goes down under a heavy challenge and the shout goes up from behind us

"Get up ya wee bastard, you're not made of delft, are ya?"

[take_yer_points]

My da told me this one a few years back - he heard it in Clones at an Ulster championship game i think.

About 5 mins into the first half of the senior game the stadium announcer comes on and makes an announcement:

"Could the owner of the car with reg number XYZ 1234 please return to their car as it's causing a disruption." Then, 5 minutes later the stadium announcer comes back on:

"Could the owner of the car with reg number XYZ 1234 please return to their car as it's causing a major disruption." The, finally, another 5 minutes later:

"Could the owner of the car with reg number XYZ 1234 please return to their car as it's been involved in an accident."

The whole crowd was in stitches!

[Croí na hÉireann]

Aul lad loves telling this story of playing a match years ago and one of the teammates got the belt of a hurl to the head and was gushing blood. Manager comes over, takes one look at him and says "Ah ur grand, get back out there, sure I often cut myself worse shaving"!!!

[prewtna]

My da told me this one a few years back - he heard it in Clones at an Ulster championship game i think.

About 5 mins into the first half of the senior game the stadium announcer comes on and makes an announcement:

"Could the owner of the car with reg number XYZ 1234 please return to their car as it's causing a disruption." Then, 5 minutes later the stadium announcer comes back on:

"Could the owner of the car with reg number XYZ 1234 please return to their car as it's causing a major disruption." The, finally, another 5 minutes later:

"Could the owner of the car with reg number XYZ 1234 please return to their car as it's been involved in an accident."

The whole crowd was in stitches!

something similar at a mayo championship match last year or the year before.

an announcement came on

'would the owner of car regestraiton number 12456 please remove it as its causing an obstruction.'

again a few minutes later

'would the owner of car regestraiton number 12456 please remove it as its causing an obstruction.'

however the last time the announcer came on

'would the owner of car regestraiton number 12456 please remove it immediately.................... or it will be moved for you.'

[AZOffaly]

Possibly apocrphyal, but numerous lads swear to it.

A local derby was going on in, back in the day, in  the Offaly county championship, between Shannonbridge and, I think, Rynaghs. These things usually ended in a few rows and lo and behold after about 10 minutes, a lad got a savage dig, and was taken off with the wobbly legs. This being pre-civilised times, there was no doctor, or no medics around, so a supporter of one of the teams, who owned a big auld station wagon, was press-ganged into bringing the casualty into the local doctor, so your man was laid out in the back of the car and the team selector who brought him over to the car went back to his duties.

Anyway, about 10 minutes later, he looked over and the station wagon was still parked, with your man sitting up in the back of it looking out the window, and the driver having a fag leaning on the bonnet.

'f**k's sake Tommy, I thought you were going to bring him to the doctor?'

Tommy looked at the selector in genuine surprise, put out his fag and said 'Jaysus Sorry Peter, I thought you wanted me to wait for the full load'.

[5 Sams]

Probably apocryphal as well....but wasn't there an announcment made at the end of a game in Healy Park once....

"This is a public safety announcement.....be wile careful when yiz are leavin...."

[timmyot501]

There was a corner back gettin a roasting from the corner forward in a local club league match. One ol lad down at the wire says to the other "He isn't gettin tight enough", the other replys "sure he isn't within a townland of him"

[Whitehair]

99 USFC Down v Antrim in Newry and Down were starting to pull away and a fella with a broad West Belfast accent shouts over to a mate... "I read in the Good Friday Agreement we were supposed to beat these boys!"