Things that make you go What the F**k?

Started by The Real Laoislad, November 19, 2007, 05:54:25 PM

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heganboy

actual quotes from wedding websites as compiled by the new yorker (http://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/excerpts-wedding-web-sites-wedding-season)

ColinAndMaryTieTheBowTie.com:

DRESS CODE: Think Wes Anderson's characters as they'd dress if they were being interviewed by Howard Stern, and Teddy Roosevelt if he were displayed in a taxidermy museum, mixed with Audrey Hepburn as she appears in everything. Children are welcome to dress as their favorite woodland creature. Canines, come as you are. There will be red-velvet dog cookies.

For those of you currently practicing "free the nipple," we will supply robes for the ceremony.


PaulAndChrisBecomeOne.com:

We trust that the saplings we sent you two summers ago are now blossoming under your attention and care. We appreciate the time it took for you to sing Bon Iver's "Skinny Love" to them daily. We will be planting them during the reception in what will henceforth be called The Love Forest. (For a tree-hauling service near you, contact 1-800-BIG-HAUL)

SaraAndGabeJoinTheClub.com:

A short eight-hour drive from your lodgings is an air shuttle to the summit of Mount McKinley. Please grab an emergency protein bar before entering the Cessna. Because of the D.I.Y. nature of this affair, you may have to share an oxygen mask with your neighbor. (Remember: three breaths, then switch.) Update: Because of an avalanche that killed four tourists last week, we ask that you not make any quick or jerky movements during the ceremony.

FelixAndBettyMadeAWebsite.com:

We do not believe in weddings, as they are exclusive, unjust, and essentially a means of societal and governmental control. In order to take back ownership of our relationship, we are supplying you with a new lexicon to use at our nuptials complicitous gaining of a life partner:

Wedding = The gathering

The Big Day = The Great Day

Ceremony = The show

Vows = The important word exchange

Bride = Woman of the gathering

Groom = Man of the gathering

Cocktail hour = Time chunk of spirits

Cutting of the cake = The sacrifice

Reception = Shebang

Honeymoon = Maplesaturn

We appreciate your adherence and look forward to mingling with you after the sacrifice.

WhatIfYouWereAChinchilla.com:

As many of you are already aware, the bride and groom are currently on a hunger strike to show their support for The People Against Chinchilla Farming. We will not be supplying food. Please do not bring food. Love will fill us up. Long live chinchillas.

SamAndGretaUntilEvenAfterDeath.com:

Our signature cocktail, the Heart Thumper, will feature vodka infused with the tears that Greta shed after I asked her to marry me. We are so thrilled to share real artifacts from our courtship with you, our closest friends and family.

LittleSpoonBigSpoon.com:

The bride and groom, as you know, are community-minded and believe foremost in philanthropy. They ask that you not bring gifts, but ask instead that you honor their union by coming prepared to donate your hair.

Never underestimate the predictability of stupidity

lawnseed

Watch the film 'the cold light of day' with richard e grant and simon cadell. I promise you'll never see hi de hi in the same light again. Creepy creepy film. very good
A coward dies a thousand deaths a soldier only dies once



brokencrossbar1


BennyHarp

That was never a square ball!!

Asal Mor

Quote from: BennyHarp on September 04, 2014, 08:51:33 PM
Just crazy. Some evil fcukers around!
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-29068391

It's terrible but I wouldn't say the guy is necessarily evil. He sounds severely mentally ill to me. I think evil involves being calculating. There was a case in China recently of a 6 year old's eyes being gouged out by black market organ traffickers, who wanted his corneas to sell for profit. Now that's evil. This is a link to the story but I wouldn't advise anyone to watch it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9AAFOaP42o
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9AAFOaP42o

seafoid

http://www.ft.com/intl/cms/s/0/94dd72da-f88f-11e3-815f-00144feabdc0.html

Yo soars in Apple app store rankings

By Hannah Kuchler and Tim Bradshaw in San FranciscoAuthor alerts
Yo, the messaging app so simple it just says "Yo", has soared past Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat to become the fifth most popular app in the US Apple app store in the last week, grabbing the attention of venture capitalists, hackers and comedians.
©Yo
The app – where users press on a contact's name to send a "yo!" - has become the talk of Silicon Valley as it takes mobile messaging to its logical, minimalist extreme.
Almost 4m Yos were sent in one day on Thursday. The recipient gets a notification that says "yo!" and who it is from. One Yo! account promises to notify a user whenever a goal is scored in the World Cup.
Or Arbel, Yo's founder and chief executive, has raised $1m to finance the growth of the Yo app from an angel investor who originally came up with the idea as a way to summon his assistant.

But some defended the app, with Marc Andreessen, a venture capitalist who sits on Facebook's board, tweeting: "there's a fascinating aspect lots of people are missing".
"Yo is an instance of 'one-bit communication' – a message with no content other than the fact that it exists," he added. "Yes or no. Yo or no yo."
<!--.-->
Mr Andreessen compared it to a police siren, the light on the top of the taxi cab and people who "miss call" each other in emerging markets to alert people to something at no cost.
"f**k it, just score"- Donaghy   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbxG2WwVRjU

bcarrier

Over £1m raised for Manchester dogs home in 1 day.

BennyHarp

Quote from: bcarrier on September 12, 2014, 08:52:40 PM
Over £1m raised for Manchester dogs home in 1 day.

Another "what the f*ck" is that people were raising the money after an arson attack carried out by a 14 year old boy killed 43 dogs at the dogs home. It's a mad world.

That was never a square ball!!



armaghniac

Quote from: Tony Baloney on September 20, 2014, 05:44:30 PM
Scummy cnuts.

http://sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com/video/10606223-foreign-students-trash-sf-rental-house-then-leave-country/

Apart from being scummy c***ts, they are also eejits. OK you have a great party, but these guys are probably in their 20s and might wish to visit the USA again and this kind of thing does not help prospects in that respect.
If at first you don't succeed, then goto Plan B

muppet

Quote from: armaghniac on September 20, 2014, 05:50:48 PM
Quote from: Tony Baloney on September 20, 2014, 05:44:30 PM
Scummy cnuts.

http://sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com/video/10606223-foreign-students-trash-sf-rental-house-then-leave-country/

Apart from being scummy c***ts, they are also eejits. OK you have a great party, but these guys are probably in their 20s and might wish to visit the USA again and this kind of thing does not help prospects in that respect.

If you ever overstayed a J1 you can find yourself getting a night in a cell when you try to re-enter The States (note: this won't happen in Dub/Snn with pre-clearance as they will simply leave you in Ireland). For something like the video shows, I would stay a long way away from American soil if I were those imbeciles. Stupidly they have probably ruled out a number of prospective Irish/International  employers as well, as many people travel around the world with work.

Though I suspect those lads won't be doing much in life.
MWWSI 2017

armaghniac

Quote from: muppet on September 20, 2014, 06:54:05 PM
If you ever overstayed a J1 you can find yourself getting a night in a cell when you try to re-enter The States (note: this won't happen in Dub/Snn with pre-clearance as they will simply leave you in Ireland). For something like the video shows, I would stay a long way away from American soil if I were those imbeciles. Stupidly they have probably ruled out a number of prospective Irish/International  employers as well, as many people travel around the world with work.



This is one of the attractions of the pre-clearance. If there is a problem, which could be a simple screw up or something more serious, you don't end up in the clink wearing a yellow suit.
If at first you don't succeed, then goto Plan B