Rats - any good stories?

[pintsofguinness]

They say if you catch one of them alive, douse the bastard in petrol and set him alight the sound of him squealing will frighten any of the feckers away from about the place. Its something I'd love to try

They say that if you'd do that to an animal you'd do it to a human being.

[Homer]

Jaysus thats just cruel. Ill never understand that kinda carry on. I hit a frog once with a 4 iron when I was a kid and cried for a week after it. Never felt so bad. I also hit an english cousin with the same 4 iron. That didnt irk me quite so badly.

I take it you mean of the animal variety and you're not just one big violent bigot  .

[DoYerJob Linesman]

Funny that - I wonder how Elvis would have reacted if faced with rats? especially on the bog! Maybe one bit him on the middle wicket - attracted by the smell of a peanut butter and banana burger! Never know as it was a big cover up.  

What are you smoking?

[Puckoon]

Im naive - I didnt even know that was a term for anyone (except the french).

[Puckoon]

Funny that - I wonder how Elvis would have reacted if faced with rats? especially on the bog! Maybe one bit him on the middle wicket - attracted by the smell of a peanut butter and banana burger! Never know as it was a big cover up.  

What are you smoking?

I dont know - but read his rats cant swim posts in the spider thread.

[stephenite]

I also hit an english cousin with the same 4 iron. That didnt irk me quite so badly.

That's the first thing that made me laugh out loud on this board for a while

[Hurler on the Bitch]

They say that rats eat a quarter of the world's grain. Feck me! Now I'm not a practising Catholic no more than I'm a practising Homosexual - why are catholics and homosexuals always practising? Is it that hard to become one? Homosexuals, excuse the pun... Say for example that rats fecked off with bread at the last supper... then we'd all be fecking protestants! 

[DoYerJob Linesman]

They say that rats eat a quarter of the world's grain. Feck me! Now I'm not a practising Catholic no more than I'm a practising Homosexual - why are catholics and homosexuals always practising? Is it that hard to become one? Homosexuals, excuse the pun... Say for example that rats fecked off with bread at the last supper... then we'd all be fecking protestants! 

I'lltell you what hurler, you seem to be operating on a higher plain than the rest of us... keep posting cos im pissing myself here!

[Puckoon]

What ever it was - its obviously got the better of him. I can see him passed out over the computer.

[Aerlik]

A wheena stories.

I was in Cambodia 10 years ago and we decided to stay in accom. beside a lake to the north of Phnom Penh.  Very classy it definitely WASN'T.  In the evening the rats were scurrying all over the verandah as we sat and watched the sunset over the lake full of tampons and bags of rubbish.  Then later that night I was awakened by the sound of scratching above my head.  I sat up to find three rats running along the beam about 4ft above me.  That was it.  Packed the bags and went to the city centre hostel for the rest of the stay.

One winter's evening in Nagoya, Japan, I was approaching the entrance to the underground system when I saw this young couple of lovers kneeling down and feeding  what looked like a cat.  As I approached I realised it was the biggest feckin rat I have ever seen in my life.  I told them what it was and they nearly shat themselves, she squeeled like a cut pig and the feckin rat just toddled off into some undergrowth.

In Ho chi Minh city, there are alot of homeless people and they use the pavement as their toilet for all sorts of bodily functions.  Don't walk in the dark streets at night as chances are you'll either step in shite or on one of the rats having a nibble at the contents.

The neighbour used to have a battery hen shed beside ours.  One year he lost over 500 birds due to a big feckin black rat that got in and got greedy.  Fecker got blown away one evening.

We used to have a Jack Russell at home, and he was an awesome ratter.  Mind you the poor hoor could never understand why he was not allowed in the house for a couple of days after catching rats. 

[Bod Mor]

I have the biggest fear of rats. I don't know what it is but the feckers freak me out. Just last night I had another nightmare about them. Dreamt that myself and the brother were cleaning out the shed and one attacked me, it flung itself at me and I hit it a belt of the shovel and cut the head off the dirty thing. That was the end of that.

I don't mind anything else (spiders, snakes, scorpions,Galweigans etc...) but for some reason rats make me quiver the dirty dirty feckers!!!!

[J70]

I know a guy used to pour boiling water over the bastards in the cage... well, whatever turns you on..

Sounds like quite the dirtbag.

[J70]

They say if you catch one of them alive, douse the bastard in petrol and set him alight the sound of him squealing will frighten any of the feckers away from about the place. Its something I'd love to try

Hopefully you'll end up like yer man who burnt his shed down.

[stephenite]

I have the biggest fear of rats. I don't know what it is but the feckers freak me out. Just last night I had another nightmare about them. Dreamt that myself and the brother were cleaning out the shed and one attacked me, it flung itself at me and I hit it a belt of the shovel and cut the head off the dirty thing. That was the end of that.

I don't mind anything else (spiders, snakes, scorpions,Galweigans etc...) but for some reason rats make me quiver the dirty dirty feckers!!!!

I'd be the same, the little f**kers scare the living shite out of me. Had a BBQ last year and we were sitting out in the garden enjoying a few beers with friends, one of them scurried along the top of the back fence, I had to go inside for the rest of the evening and was dreaming about them for days after.

[john mcgill]

Fair play.  This thread has given me a couple of decent laughs this morning.  Keep it up, with the Championship gone threads like this will shorten the winter.