Author Topic: Corny One for Friday  (Read 428486 times)

Mayo4Sam

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3120 on: May 24, 2018, 02:47:06 PM »
To the guy who stole my microsoft office, I will track you down, you have my word

I heard a rumour cadburys are bringing out an oriental chocolate bar.............its a chinese wispa

My friend died because we couldn't remember his blood type. it was awful. As he died he kept telling us to be positive but its hard without him

Did you hear about the man that got sacked by the circus? He's suing them for funfair dismissal

A man died in the nestle factory yesterday. A pallet fell on top of him. He tried to call for help but every time he shouted " the milky bars are on me" everyone just cheered
Excuse me for talking while you're trying to interrupt me

Insane Bolt

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3121 on: May 29, 2018, 08:54:21 PM »
A father walks into a book store with his son. The boy is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the book store.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the quarter, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"
"No," the woman replied. "Divorce attorney."

armaghniac

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3122 on: June 28, 2018, 08:30:53 AM »
The England football team visited an orphanage in Russia today.
Its heartbreaking to see their little faces with no hope said Vladimir aged 6
if at first you don't succeed, then goto Plan B

Ball Hopper

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3123 on: June 28, 2018, 08:49:31 AM »
At a recent meeting of world leaders the subject of titles became a topic of conversation.

Juan from Spain said "I'm from a kingdom, so I am a King"

Ranier from Monaco replied "I'm from a principality, so I am a Prince"

Trump looked puzzled and enquired "USA is a country, so what does that make me?"


armaghniac

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3124 on: July 22, 2018, 08:00:59 PM »
I just wanted to warn everyone as Id hate someone to end up in the same situation. A Dyson ball cleaner isnt what the name suggests.
if at first you don't succeed, then goto Plan B

SHEEDY

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3125 on: July 22, 2018, 08:33:41 PM »
A guy was trying on a pair of shoes and told the salesman that they were too tight.

"Try them with the tongue out"

"They're thtill thoo thighth!"




When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo, I had to put my foot down.




I grew up in a rough area.
As a child people would cover me in chocolate, cream and put a cherry on my head.
It was tough in the gateau.


nil satis nisi optimum

Harold Disgracey

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3126 on: July 23, 2018, 12:27:21 AM »
My son asked me: "Dad, how comes my sister is called Teresa?"

"Because your mum loves Easter and it's an anagram of Easter" I replied.

"Thanks Dad"

"No problem Alan"

armaghniac

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3127 on: July 23, 2018, 12:46:39 AM »
BCB beat you to it, Harold, on that one.
if at first you don't succeed, then goto Plan B

Windmill abu

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Re: Corny One for Friday
« Reply #3128 on: August 07, 2018, 09:50:53 PM »
I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Nick Helm
I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence