I lost my best friend to suicide on the 19th March 2001 and buried my father on New Years Day 2002. Inside 9 months I went from a young cocky 20 year old to being complete mess. Depression was something that never entered my head, in my head I was mourning, it was normal. Then bang on Paddys day 2002, I didn't know but a few of my friends had arranged to come lift me and we were for the local to watch the club finals, they wanted to suprise me so I couldn't back out, as I took my first step out of the house, I froze, I couldn't do it. I made an excuse and went back to bed, cold sweats started and I cried into my pillow, again I told myself that I was mourning. One of my mates had rung a girl who I had been seeing before my fathers passing, he told her what had happened and she sent me a text out of the blue a few days later about having a chat, she was a trainee nurse who had spotted the signs after my best mate died the previous year. I met her for a chat a few days later, she told me what she had thought and how my behaviour had changed throughout 2001 and thats why our relationship had ended in her opinion. She accompanied me to see a doctor who diagnosed me with depression. I was scared and to be honest I was embarrassed but at the same time I felt like my world had changed, I could think clear again, I could look people in the eye without fear of bursting into tears when they asked about me or my family. I spoke to my family and told them what had happened and how I had been feeling, they knew what was happening and only then did it strike me that I was never alone, everywhere I went there was one of them with me, they were scared that I was going to do the same as my best mate but didn't want to say it straight out. Thankfully after a few months of spilling my thoughts out to the doctor, I had got myself sorted and could live again. There has been dark days since but I'm a better place to deal with them.
Sorry for the long post but even though its been 16 years I still feel like pressure is being released with every letter I type in this post. I told my story to a youth team within my club recently and one of the young lads came to me after and asked if he could speak to me, he was going through the same as he buried his Dad last September. The manager is good friend of mine and asked if I'd speak to them group about mental health and how its ok not to be ok. The lads mother rung me a few weeks ago to thank me for the effort I've put in with him. I'm not saying that I'm an expert or looking praise but if I can help one person then I've achieved something.
Have a word with somebody folks, no matter how trivial you think it is, you need to talk.
