Author Topic: Depression  (Read 79925 times)

Hound

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Re: Depression
« Reply #105 on: November 04, 2013, 03:59:09 PM »
My limited experience indicates you need to be lucky to get a good psychologist. Of the two people I know who suffer, one's visits seemed to make no difference, and the other definitely got a lot worse afterwards (maybe they would got even worse without the visits, I dunno)

5 Sams

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Re: Depression
« Reply #106 on: November 04, 2013, 04:10:35 PM »
I hear John Murray made an emotional return to work this morning on RTE after being off work for 6 months with depression.
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Newbridge Exile

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Re: Depression
« Reply #107 on: November 04, 2013, 09:01:41 PM »
Without a doubt the most educational and enlightening thread I have come across in my time on the board.

Main Street

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Re: Depression
« Reply #108 on: November 04, 2013, 09:26:00 PM »
My limited experience indicates you need to be lucky to get a good psychologist. Of the two people I know who suffer, one's visits seemed to make no difference, and the other definitely got a lot worse afterwards (maybe they would got even worse without the visits, I dunno)
That's a factor. Another factor maybe, is that one of the people you know is more proactive than the other, with the process.

Fionntamhnach

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Re: Depression
« Reply #109 on: November 04, 2013, 10:25:38 PM »
OK, well here goes. It might be a bit long so settle downÖ

I was first diagnosed with depression just after I turned 20, though there were some signs of it on a low level for a few months beforehand. I didnít believe it at first, and I think that goes for nearly everyone who gets struck down by depression the first time. Eventually I was kind of accepting of it, though it perhaps did not help that I was due to start university in a couple of months and that I was to be a groomsman at an uncleís wedding just before that.

I didnít really know how to handle telling people about my depression at first Ė I felt OK disclosing it to people that I knew but put up a defence otherwise. Unfortunately my first semester at UUJ saw me be a complete wreck. I had to take a week off and go back home one time and at another I had a mental breakdown. The first set of antidepressants I was prescribed was seen as the main contributor.

Future different antidepressants Iíd been prescribed on have had differing results. One made me excessively tired, so much so that I remember I was going through the Poly between classes and bumped into an old science teacher of mine from secondary school who noticed on the spot that something wasnít right about me. Another one seemed to have at least a reasonable response, but had the side effect of leaving me with a dry mouth no matter how much water I drunk. Another one made me, whom Iíd describe myself as usually quite reserved, patient & forgiving, turn me into a paranoid, on the edge, aggressive person with a paper-thin temper. I referenced this to Desieach in the ďTime For Joe Brolly To GoĒ thread about being warned by my club over my conduct in a game that I was over a team with. I left Jordanstown by now having not completed my course there but had been on a Foundation Degree course taught in Omagh. A lot of little things started to get on top of me. As well as occasional meltdowns I started getting some nasty panic attacks. I remember getting one in class one time where my arm and leg muscles froze and I was having rapid & shallow breathing. I had to be taken home because I had very little energy to barely walk once the worst of it was over. Not long afterwards I ended up in the Tyrone & Fermanagh for the first time. It was a major shock to the system and convinced me that at least for a few months to take things easy. At the time I was not only a full-time student but also chairperson of the ladies football club and PRO of the GAA club, as well as taking girls and boys football teams and dealing with a campaign to get the local phone exchange upgraded for ADSL.

Iíve continually had episodes of panic & anxiety attacks meaning that holding down employment is difficult. Apart from one IT technician post, every job Iíve been in has seen me have a panic attack within 10 weeks of starting.

In 2006 I had a massive breakdown one day late in the year which convinced me that I had to get away from home and so I ended up in Australia for the second half of 2008 and a bit either side of that. While being there it still didnít stop me having another panic attack at a workplace on my birthday, with the associated draining of energy and immediate tiredness. Little did I know the folks I was staying with had organised a surprise party for me that evening. It was the last place I wanted to be but I couldnít refuse and in the end it did pick me up a little. So that helped.

Not long after I came back home from Australia, the confidence I built up in myself from being there started ebbing away and by the summer I was back in the T&F again. Since that point Iíve been feeling drained. By the end of the year I started to find no more enjoyment in the things I used to enjoy doing. I no longer enjoyed taking boys and girls football coaching out at the local pitch. I no longer enjoyed keeping the club website, the one I won a McNamee award for, updated. I no longer enjoyed interacting either the small amount socially I did or over the internet Ė I didnít make any posts here for over a year. I was struggling to enjoy working with home & broadcast electronics that was the basis of the DSO thread I kept updating/advised last year. I did find something else that I was able to get involved with from time to time, namely doing occasional work on a relationís farm in around Greencastle which I continue to this day. Iíve sort of slowly gone back into doing web design though not with the same passion I used to have. I havenít done any coaching since 2009 but depending on circumstances I might get involved again next year.

In the past couple of years Iíve been involved with a good psychologist who at first ran a couple of personality tests on me, both of which came back with the same results. Eventually some time later, I took another test. I donít want to reveal directly what it gave as a result, but the diagnosis certainly explained a lot, especially as to why I was often suffering from bouts of depression and irregular panic & anxiety attacks. It also explained why I seemed to have poor concentration, cognitive difficulties, problems with social interaction, dietary problems etc. for as long as I can remember back. At least as a result of this, Iíve been able to get some support from local groups which are proving somewhat helpful at the moment. I have been slipping back into periods of very low moods though, probably the worst Iíve had in the last two years. Fighting it is a big battle especially when your energy levels are low and you feel isolated quite a lot.

In terms of psychologists, counsellors and so on, not every one is the same. They all recognise (or at least they should) that in terms of one-to-one talking sometimes things just donít click between them and you and that you may be better seeing someone else who might be more suited for you. When you do get one that does gel well with yourself, they can be worth their weight in gold.

I can only try to take things like this when they happen only as they come. I canít say Iíve ever been seriously suicidal, nor someone who self-abuses if only because my sense of touch is too sensitive. Iím on the same medication as what stew mentioned earlier, for now. One thing is for sure though Ė I wouldnít wish what I have and have had in the past on anyone. Itís a horrible thing to have when youíre in the worst of its throes. And funnily enough for me trying to describe what it is like in that situation when youíre not in it at the time Ė like at the moment Iím typing this Ė is hard to describe. Itís a kind of a Jekyll & Hyde thing. The one state I can describe though is its halfway point, one that I call emotional numbness and it is horrible. You donít feel happy, sad, elated, angry etc. Itís a state of emotional purgatory where you are distressed but you donít actually feel distressed. In fact you donít feel distressed though those around you can start getting distressed for you.

For the near future, I just want to try and get back into both the things I used to enjoy and get back into some form of employment. Too much time on your own dwells on the mind. I donít want to be on social security forever, I want to be able to pay at least some of my way in life including back into the system. Unfortunately as Iíve said before about SS in NI, honesty and trying to have a sense of positives and constructive outlook doesnít work in the system as it is at present. Those that want to try and do that and be upfront about it are too easily targeted for sanctions and get kicked off certain benefits to reach targets while those that know how to work and fiddle the system keep getting through the hoops. The whole thing would make you cynical and see the perverse incentives there are involved in what can become a vicious circle.

Anyway thatís enough for now, except for one last paragraph. IMHO the knowledge acquired about mental health internationally is at least 30 years behind that of treating physical ailments due to a combination of hidden ailments and the lack of ďsexinessĒ & money to be made from treating mental illnesses (youíre much more likely to be less well off if you have a long-term or recurring mental illness). I also think that depression is being more diagnosed these days because of (a) although still somewhat a social taboo, is not as much as it once was, and (b) that pressures put on people these days in terms of work, lifestyles, expectations and so on make people feel more stressed more easily.

Anyway, that really is enough for now.

Fighting against ignorance on the internet since 1999. It's just taking longer than I hoped.

midLouth

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Re: Depression
« Reply #110 on: November 04, 2013, 10:37:23 PM »
Thanks for making that contribution Fionntamhnach and to the others who have done likewise. It is interesting to hear the different experiences people have and their perceptions of dealing with their different situations.

Milltown Row2

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Re: Depression
« Reply #111 on: November 04, 2013, 10:46:25 PM »
Fair play Fionntamhnach, tough on most getting their stories out but hopefully beneficial in the long run for yourself and others
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muppet

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Re: Depression
« Reply #112 on: November 04, 2013, 10:46:45 PM »
Fionntamhnach, you have long been one of the best posters here for being able to articulate and express yourself and that post doesn't disappoint.

It must be very hard to write something like that, but if it is any consolation, it is wonderfully enlightening.

Thanks for that.
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Tony Baloney

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Re: Depression
« Reply #113 on: November 04, 2013, 10:53:04 PM »
Fionntamhnach, you have long been one of the best posters here for being able to articulate and express yourself and that post doesn't disappoint.

It must be very hard to write something like that, but if it is any consolation, it is wonderfully enlightening.

Thanks for that.
+1.

BennyCake

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Re: Depression
« Reply #114 on: November 04, 2013, 11:19:30 PM »
Fair play, F. Best of luck with things.

I agree with you on the SS thing. Those who actually make the proper steps to get themselves on the road to recovery  are punished, whereas those who know the loopholes aren't. In the end, the genuine people are forced off sickness benefits, out into the workplace/dole too soon and their health suffers again because of it. And now, non-health professionals make the decisions to cut benefits, going over the heads of GPs. That is disgusting. The stress alone from such things can be enough to push people over the edge.

5 Sams

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Re: Depression
« Reply #115 on: November 04, 2013, 11:42:03 PM »
Mighty stuff Bummer. I didn't realise. Hope you're keeping well.
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stew

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Re: Depression
« Reply #116 on: November 05, 2013, 12:16:29 AM »
Without a doubt the most educational and enlightening thread I have come across in my time on the board.


I consider it the great equalizer, refreshing and I applaud Eamonnica and everyone else that has contributed from a depressed state.

This is the best thread ever on this board, it has made lads that are polar opposites appreciate the pain of fellow gaels, that is wonderful in itself.

Eamonn, thank you for starting this thread and I wish you well, forget athiesiem/ Christianity/ Socialism/ Republicianism, this is tough subject matter and I am delighted you started this thred, i would never have had the balls to do so.

Stew.
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CD

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Re: Depression
« Reply #117 on: November 05, 2013, 09:02:59 AM »
Without a doubt the most educational and enlightening thread I have come across in my time on the board.


I consider it the great equalizer, refreshing and I applaud Eamonnica and everyone else that has contributed from a depressed state.

This is the best thread ever on this board, it has made lads that are polar opposites appreciate the pain of fellow gaels, that is wonderful in itself.

I check this thread every morning - almost reassuring and a therapy to me - keep posting lads. Your bravery and honesty is fantastic.
Who's a bit of a moaning Michael tonight!

DennistheMenace

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Re: Depression
« Reply #118 on: November 05, 2013, 09:36:00 AM »
Very englightening thread without doubt. Hope to take some of the advice on board and be more knowledgable and aware of friends, colleagues who are having mental issues/suffering from depression.

With the winter nights upon us I can only imagine this might serve as a trigger for some people suffering from depression. Whilst I don't think it's the taboo subject it once was, i do think there is a general reluctance within Irish peope to talk about their feelings and even more so within the GAA fraternity to not appear 'weak'.

The whole suicide issue is one that confuses/scares me, reminds of Gary Speed and the picture of him with fans a few hours before he done it. It's nearly as if you can see it in his eyes, the trouble, his demons whatever. I'll not be afraid to admit I used to think it was the ultimate selfish act, but not anymore. The general public need educated and i'm glad to see it talked about more openly recently. Personally think it can only help those suffering on their own.

changed my name

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Re: Depression
« Reply #119 on: November 17, 2013, 09:49:49 PM »
Firstly, im sort of ashamed to say i changed my name!! and opened a new account to write on this thread. That probably makes me a total coward but have people who know me on here and would prefer to stay anonyomous if thats ok.

I guess im hoping that writing things down and stuff might help me. I dont even know if im suffering from depression or if im just down in the dumps and need a good kick up the backside. I always would have ups and downs in life, nothing major but times would get a bit fed up for a few days but snap myself out of it quick enough. I generally always would keep the smile on my face and get on with things.

Lately though im getting it tough and i mean very tough. I cant pinpoint anything in particular thats set it off just a number of things. I feel like my life is passing me by and that everyone and everything is moving on and im stuck in a rut. In a relationship that is far far from easy, yet i wont walk away. I find myself intensely jealous of everyone elses lives which i know sounds ridiculous.  I could have lived with them feelings and try to tell myself wise up to frig and catch urself on , be grateful for all you have. That worked for a while.

Its got to the stage now where i feel low as low can be. I dont know what is wrong with me and i ly in bed every single night crying myself to sleep begging god to snap me out of it and make me feel normal again. Im struggling to get out of bed in the mornings to face the day, its getting harder and harder. I just want to ly under a cover all day in the dark and not have to speak to anyone. I want to blank everything out. I see no future and all week just would love to drive my car into a wall and be done with it. I never would though cos i keep imagining the pain id cause my family. This makes me think maybe i dont have depression but am just low.

This post probably sounds ridiculous to u all and most of you are probably thinking wise up and snap out of it and pull yourself together. Believe me im trying. Im trying so hard to keep going but i cannot stop crying. I dread everything coming up.

Reading this back i probably seem like a fool. I have a great family but couldnt even begin to talk to them about this. I wouldnt even say to my friends as they would probably think im being foolish. I just dont have anyone to talk to so thought maybe this might help me.

Im praying to god that i go back to normal and just printed out st judes desperate cases novena that im gonna start praying every day to lift me out of this. Dont know where else to turn.