Author Topic: Depression  (Read 79473 times)

Eamonnca1

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Re: Depression
« Reply #495 on: November 11, 2019, 05:21:49 PM »

Currently experiencing some difficulties with a work colleague who is my senior. I'm relatively new in the role compared to the others in the department (got a promotion of sorts 2 years ago) and I'm sitting next to this particular individual so she can assist in a mentoring type capacity and so I can liaise with her as/when required. I carry out my own work and assist with her workload on occasion too. 90% of the time she is sound, but other times she is completely condescending, almost forgetting there isn't a big age gap between us (I'm mid 30s and she's early 40s). She is making me doubt myself over tasks I know how to perform (or should know how) and it's almost as if she has this expectation that I'm going to fail which is putting me completely off balance. She'll question me at times as if I haven't been doing anything, and rather than 'remind' me other times if I've forgot to do something, it's 'Why haven't you....' or 'Am I going to have to continually tell you this...' etc.  It's starting to effect my confidence and whilst I've never been an emotional/sensitive type at work before, at times I've been close to shedding a tear (pathetic as it sounds). Work in the main is good and I'm popular with staff and management alike, but this is getting to me. Thing is, I don't know whether I'm just being abit sensitive to the situation and need to brush it off, or is something underlying like anxiety?

I was in a very similar situation in my last company, and I ended up leaving because of it. Again it was a female employee, but this was a young cub fresh out of college who had become something of a hotshot. Her productivity was higher than everyone else's, and she did a ton of research to get a really deep understanding of how things worked. She was technically good at her job and was getting promoted left and right. Problem was, she wasn't a team player. Everything she did was about accumulating more power for herself. She point blank refused to share her knowledge, spoke at 100MPH so you had no chance of taking in anything she was saying, spoke in technical jargon that she knew full well her audience could not understand, and then gave off a condescending attitude about it when you asked her a question later. She'd roll her eyes up to heaven as if it was beneath her dignity to answer a question. Communication in writing wasn't much better, her replies would be just as barbed and she'd make a point of copying my manager on them just to maximise the damage.

She'll get her comeuppance though. HR investigated her for bullying after someone (not me) reported her. And almost everybody else on the team has had problems with her at one time or another, including other people who left.

If your colleague is pissing you off, chances are she's pissing everyone else off too. I used to think I was the only one with a problem until I spoke to people about it.  I don't know what size of company you're in, but if there's someone you can confide in or some way of talking about the issue then it might help. The sooner you deal with it the better, or sure as fate her attacks might get just a little nastier every time to the point where she'll be flat out abusive.

Eamonnca1

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Re: Depression
« Reply #496 on: November 11, 2019, 05:24:02 PM »
Thank you everyone for the kind words. I'm feeling a bit better today, but I still want to get some professional help this week.

It's a great company that I work for, they just get a little busy at certain times of the year. Funny how working in eCommerce can be a bit like working in retail during the holidays in that there's a big mad rush to get things done.

J70

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Re: Depression
« Reply #497 on: November 11, 2019, 07:46:41 PM »
Good luck to you Eamonn.

J70

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Re: Depression
« Reply #498 on: November 11, 2019, 07:48:33 PM »
Article in The Athletic today about Robert Enke, the German goalkeeper who committed suicide ten years ago amid major struggles with depression. Interview with his wife. Sounds like the poor guy was going through absolute hell.

https://theathletic.com/1347753/2019/11/10/teresa-enke-we-wont-think-of-it-as-the-day-of-his-death-we-will-celebrate-his-life/?amp

joemamas

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Re: Depression
« Reply #499 on: November 11, 2019, 08:18:06 PM »

Currently experiencing some difficulties with a work colleague who is my senior. I'm relatively new in the role compared to the others in the department (got a promotion of sorts 2 years ago) and I'm sitting next to this particular individual so she can assist in a mentoring type capacity and so I can liaise with her as/when required. I carry out my own work and assist with her workload on occasion too. 90% of the time she is sound, but other times she is completely condescending, almost forgetting there isn't a big age gap between us (I'm mid 30s and she's early 40s). She is making me doubt myself over tasks I know how to perform (or should know how) and it's almost as if she has this expectation that I'm going to fail which is putting me completely off balance. She'll question me at times as if I haven't been doing anything, and rather than 'remind' me other times if I've forgot to do something, it's 'Why haven't you....' or 'Am I going to have to continually tell you this...' etc.  It's starting to effect my confidence and whilst I've never been an emotional/sensitive type at work before, at times I've been close to shedding a tear (pathetic as it sounds). Work in the main is good and I'm popular with staff and management alike, but this is getting to me. Thing is, I don't know whether I'm just being abit sensitive to the situation and need to brush it off, or is something underlying like anxiety?

I was in a very similar situation in my last company, and I ended up leaving because of it. Again it was a female employee, but this was a young cub fresh out of college who had become something of a hotshot. Her productivity was higher than everyone else's, and she did a ton of research to get a really deep understanding of how things worked. She was technically good at her job and was getting promoted left and right. Problem was, she wasn't a team player. Everything she did was about accumulating more power for herself. She point blank refused to share her knowledge, spoke at 100MPH so you had no chance of taking in anything she was saying, spoke in technical jargon that she knew full well her audience could not understand, and then gave off a condescending attitude about it when you asked her a question later. She'd roll her eyes up to heaven as if it was beneath her dignity to answer a question. Communication in writing wasn't much better, her replies would be just as barbed and she'd make a point of copying my manager on them just to maximise the damage.

She'll get her comeuppance though. HR investigated her for bullying after someone (not me) reported her. And almost everybody else on the team has had problems with her at one time or another, including other people who left.

If your colleague is pissing you off, chances are she's pissing everyone else off too. I used to think I was the only one with a problem until I spoke to people about it.  I don't know what size of company you're in, but if there's someone you can confide in or some way of talking about the issue then it might help. The sooner you deal with it the better, or sure as fate her attacks might get just a little nastier every time to the point where she'll be flat out abusive.
Make a point to speak to anybody you know, even about bullshit stuff, the conversation will eventually come to “how is everything else”, people will listen and provide encouragement and will help to try to rationalize the situation.

It is a tough time of year, so many people feel down with the shorter evenings, dark when you get to work dark when you are getting home. Watch old movies that make you laugh, same with shows.
Do not turn on the news.

As for work, I world for a large multinational , Bullshitters come and go and eventually are figured out.
Do your job, it may take a bit more time and persistence to get there. I am sure you will, everybody work wise was in the same position as you. Be pleasant to people and work hard. It may even make sense to be proactive and sit down with this person and let her know that you wan to build a career and would appreciate her input.
She still might be a you know what, but may still take this as a positive.
Exerxise, yoga, especially the hot type , bikram, knocks the shite out of you and feels like you have taken Valium an hour after you have finished and cleansed up.
Good luck.

SpeculativeEffort

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Re: Depression
« Reply #500 on: November 11, 2019, 09:06:43 PM »
Someone posted earlier that a huge proportion of male suicides are by those working in construction.
Anyone else feel the culture of 'making a gobshite' out of lads (especially young lads) is part of the problem?
More experienced lads trying to make young lads look foolish or highlighting mistakes, making videos etc.?
Is this still prevalent and passed off as having the craic?

I worked in construction (although lads were sound) and in agri work (where lads made me feel like a fool) when younger. Id never work with the 2nd crowd again as a result.

thebuzz

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Re: Depression
« Reply #501 on: November 11, 2019, 09:35:03 PM »
Someone posted earlier that a huge proportion of male suicides are by those working in construction.
Anyone else feel the culture of 'making a gobshite' out of lads (especially young lads) is part of the problem?
More experienced lads trying to make young lads look foolish or highlighting mistakes, making videos etc.?
Is this still prevalent and passed off as having the craic?

I worked in construction (although lads were sound) and in agri work (where lads made me feel like a fool) when younger. Id never work with the 2nd crowd again as a result.

I worked in factories welding when I was younger. There is definitely a culture of taking the piss (in all manual industry) and it does go overboard. I definitely wouldn't call it fun (or good craic)  though I came through unscathed in the end.

Eamonnca1

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Re: Depression
« Reply #502 on: November 11, 2019, 09:44:24 PM »
I once worked for the summer in an engineering workshop in Portadown, working on cylinder heads. There was a culture of "slagging" which I didn't mind up to a point, but one fine day it took a dark turn and it was directed very specifically at me. They'd do this thing of calling my name out in a certain way, and calling it out repeatedly. Before long I was bracing myself for it every time I walked into a room. Other flavours of slagging were added in and eventually I went home one day at lunchtime because I couldn't take it anymore. Told the boss about it the next day, told them I'd been getting harassed. He was shocked, and he put a stop to it immediately.

Make no mistake, this was not friendly slagging.
« Last Edit: November 11, 2019, 09:47:39 PM by Eamonnca1 »

imtommygunn

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Re: Depression
« Reply #503 on: November 11, 2019, 10:07:34 PM »
I worked in a factory for the summer the first year of drumcree. It was not a pleasant environment and definitely not a good introduction to the working world. Granted that was more sectarianism than just slagging.

AustinPowers

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Re: Depression
« Reply #504 on: November 11, 2019, 11:59:31 PM »
Workplace bullying goes on a lot without it being categorised as such. I could always handle physical abuse, as I always was prone to smacking somebody in the mouth when growing up. As an adult, you need to be clued in, and use your mouth instead of your fist to stand up for yourself.

I worked for a friend of mine a few years ago. We’d been fairly good mates for a few years, but he made my life hell. I’m an easy going guy, straight talker, it’s just not in me to play mind games or twist things. He was a master at it. I was under financial stress at the time and need the money so I was sort of stuck. He would do feck all work, and any clients ringing or calling, he’d say, ah yes X is working on that. I’ll get him to call you. I was under pressure then to get it done.

Jokes with a jag, put downs, tuts, rolling the eyes etc... but at the same time, as charming as you like. Smirky, smiley, jack the lad. Basically he was a manipulative b**tard. Call me naive, I probably was, but my brain just doesn’t work the way his did, so didn’t really see some of the things he was doing, or know how to handle it. He’d borrow money, never pay it back, constantly ring at all hours. I couldn’t sleep, dreaded going to work. I found myself making every excuse to get away from him. But I still had to face him at work. It was a nightmare. Constantly talking about himself, and how great he was etc. He was never wrong, and my opinion was never right. Sure what would you know type of thing. After a while I just nodded and agreed as I just couldn’t be arsed with being ridiculed or put down. He nearly drove me to a nervous breakdown.

I branched out then, working for myself but still couldn’t get rid of him. I started to make it more clearer I wasn’t interested in meeting up, calling, and rarely contacted him. It took a while but eventually he went away. We were fairly good mates, but until I had to deal with him everyday, I seen the true him. Jesus, he was unbelievable.

I’m a stronger person now, and can read situations a lot  better. I won’t be as naive again. They say you shouldn’t work for friends or family. How true that was for me.

But there are different types of bullying. Anyone witnessing us working together wouldn’t probably describe it as bullying. Ah sure it was just a bit of , banter . When it was just pure mental torture.

Fionntamhnach

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Re: Depression
« Reply #505 on: November 14, 2019, 12:34:24 AM »
Found an old link among my bookmarks - I think it might be relatable to some of us here that are fighting the ongoing double prongs of depression & anxiety at the same time...



Here's What No One Tells You About Having Both Depression And Anxiety

Caring both too much and not at all means never winning.

1. It's freaking out at the idea of getting anything less than a stellar score on a test, but not having the energy to study.

2. It's having to stay in bed because you don't have the will to move, but unravelling at the thought of what will happen if you miss school or work.

3. It's feeling more tired the less you move, but your heart racing at the thought of taking the first step.

4. It's getting more tightly wound the more mess piles up, but only staring at it and thinking, I'll clean tomorrow.

5. It's making six million to-do lists just to untangle your thoughts, but knowing you'll never actually cross anything off.

6. It's believing that every cancelled plan will end your friendships, but not having it in you to follow through.

7. It's feeling hopelessly low that you're still goddamn single, but cancelling every first date because the thought of going through with it gives you heart palpitations.

8. It's fearing every day that your partner will get fed up and leave, but your anxiety whispering in your ear that they deserve better and should.

9. It's ignoring texts and turning down invitations, and it's aching when the texts and invitations stop.

10. It's the constant fear of winding up alone, but accidentally isolating yourself because you sometimes just need to hide from it all.

11. It's wanting nothing more than to crawl home and sleep at 2 p.m., but your skittering, panicked pulse keeping you awake at 2 a.m.

12. It's alternating between feeling paralysed in the present and scared shitless about the future.

13. It's not enjoying the good days because you're too gripped by the anxiety that the next low is around the corner.

14. It's sleeping too much or not at all.

15. It's needing a break from your racing thoughts, but not being able to climb out of the pit of yourself.

16. It's needing to do everything, but wanting to do nothing at all.

17. It's coping mechanisms and escapism, because when you're not trying to hide from one part of your brain, you're hiding from the other.

18. It's wondering if the things that are making your heart feel heavy are things your anxious mind just made up.

19. It's sitting awake at 3 a.m. worrying about a future you're not even sure you want to have.

20. It's feeling too much and nothing at all at the same time, which means feeling like you can never win.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/annaborges/20-feelings-that-sum-up-having-both-depression-and-anxiety
Fighting against ignorance on the internet since 1999. It's just taking longer than I hoped.

BennyHarp

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Re: Depression
« Reply #506 on: November 22, 2019, 11:44:25 AM »
Very interesting interview with Ronan McNamee in today’s Irish news. Well worth a read.
That was never a square ball!!

Round The House

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Re: Depression
« Reply #507 on: November 22, 2019, 12:12:45 PM »
Fair play to Ronan Mc Namee for telling his story.

A tough read but the lad deserves alot of credit.

paddyjohn

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Re: Depression
« Reply #508 on: November 22, 2019, 06:48:06 PM »
Wheels seriously off the wagon this week. Having a complete mare at work and home life is mental with 2 kids under 5 and a pregnant sick wife. Haven’t felt as low as long long time. But there is always hope, many a man would love to be in my shoes.

Keep the faith lads, we’ll get there.

bannside

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Re: Depression
« Reply #509 on: November 22, 2019, 07:51:58 PM »
This can be a tough oul time of the year PaddyJohn and by the sound of things you've got your hands full both at work and at home. Keep the faith...you mean the whole world to those children!  Theres plenty on here could help you so just pm anytime and we can see if we can help lift those grey clouds in some way. Good times will come man, trust me.