Depression

[imtommygunn]

There's a boy i now work with who i've known years and would now be very concerned about his mental health.

I think he is depressed but also thinks everyone is out to get him so he won't actually admit anything or get any help as he thinks doctors will put him on medication and his dad , who struggles too, has told him if he goes to a doctor they will "try and control him".

At the very least this thread is good because people are talking about it or admitting they have an issue but this fella won't at all

Admitting it is the hardest thing to do, the lad needs a decent support from family members to help him instead of talking about doctors controlling him. There is very little you can as he might think you are sticking your nose in.

Exactly. Genuinely a bit worried about the fella.

Rois he wouldn't really. To be honest i said to our manager that i could see bad signs and we talked about it. Won't accept help at all and is now thinking about leaving when that manager always gave him leeway whereas somewhere else may not. He has just bought a house so has a mortgage too and i am not convinced that extra responsibility will be good for him.

The financial side of life is a complete bastid for people. I’d say 75% of the rows with the wife are money related, sometimes the pressure is serious. We are lucky we have a decent group of mates who don’t care what kinda money we have or the holidays that we go on.

Sounds like you’ve done all you can and more. It’s hard to watch a work colleague going through a hard time.

This is a good thread folks, restores my faith in life. 👍

Cheers. Yeah his boss has said to me he has phoned helplines to seek advice on how to help him but every avenue he has tried he has drawn a blank. Difficult situation.

[Eamonnca1]

From the it's-good-to-talk department:

Last few days I was getting unbelievably stressed at work. I'd had a bad annual review (wasn't focused enough on my core area of responsibility, too much time spent on side projects that could create opportunities for me in the future but aren't directly related to what I was hired to do, hence quality of my work was suffering and others were having to re-do it) and I went home early on Friday in a terrible state because of it.

I came in this week trying to think positive but there was something poisoning the atmosphere on the team. There's this girl who's a star performer but doesn't get along with the rest of us. I had a major blowout with her yesterday and honestly felt like quitting on the spot.

Well this morning I asked her if we could have a private chat, and she agreed. We found a small conference room, talked over where we were coming from, all the little misunderstandings, all the little things each of us did wrong. It only took 15 minutes but it was amazing how much pressure was lifted from both of our shoulders. I felt relieved and I could see she felt the same. We agreed to be friends again and hopefully we're back to the same positive vibe we had when she first started here.

The power of talking things out is amazing. Not behind backs, but directly and face to face with a frank but polite and professional attitude. I admitted my mistakes up front and asked how I could make it better. She soon opened up and started admitting her mistakes and we apologized to each other for where we went wrong, and acknowledged where we both needed to do better.

[Eamonnca1]

* bump *
 
For the benefit of Spoofer on the other thread who's been having a bit of bother. Also for the benefit of anyone who struggles at this time of year with shorter days and the imminent time-change.

[Itchy]

Maybe you guys can help me. A close family friend of mine suffered very severe depression 2 years ago after having her child. She ended up hospitalised. She made a decent recovery if that's the right word, drugs have been since reduced but she never went back to work or took up a hobby etc. Stuff she was advised to do. Now I can see the last weeks she is low and I'm afraid she is going backwards. She not sleeping and feeling crap all the time. The problem is she won't talk to any of us, we've tried but we get nothing back really. I know she's in a darker place but am helpless. I think she considers herself a burden on us and so doesn't talk openly to us.  Not really sure what to do or how to help.

[Eamonnca1]

Professional help is the way to go. Counseling is the first option. Maybe look up some counseling options in your area and present those to her.

[Itchy]

Professional help is the way to go. Counseling is the first option. Maybe look up some counseling options in your area and present those to her.

She goes to a Councillor, she dumped 3 or 4 of them initially as she didn't like them. However, I would say its more like she didn't like the questions they were asking. I am fairly sure she is not telling current Councillor the truth and I certainly see no evidence that Councillor is  making any progress with her.

You see there was tragedy in the family when she was a child, I am sure that's some of the root of the issue but she will never talk about it.

[brokencrossbar1]

Professional help is the way to go. Counseling is the first option. Maybe look up some counseling options in your area and present those to her.

She goes to a Councillor, she dumped 3 or 4 of them initially as she didn't like them. However, I would say its more like she didn't like the questions they were asking. I am fairly sure she is not telling current Councillor the truth and I certainly see no evidence that Councillor is  making any progress with her.

You see there was tragedy in the family when she was a child, I am sure that's some of the root of the issue but she will never talk about it.

Itchy as a family all you can do is support her. There’s only so much you can do. She has the support structures around her and if she is dumping the counsellors as you say then she is not ready to get better. I would see if there is anyone who she can trust but she has to want to make the ch age herself. This may sound a bit cold but you can’t do it for her. Provide her with the professional supports you can, mind her as best as you can but ultimately she needs to make the decision

[seafoid]

Professional help is the way to go. Counseling is the first option. Maybe look up some counseling options in your area and present those to her.

She goes to a Councillor, she dumped 3 or 4 of them initially as she didn't like them. However, I would say its more like she didn't like the questions they were asking. I am fairly sure she is not telling current Councillor the truth and I certainly see no evidence that Councillor is  making any progress with her.

You see there was tragedy in the family when she was a child, I am sure that's some of the root of the issue but she will never talk about it.

Itchy as a family all you can do is support her. There’s only so much you can do. She has the support structures around her and if she is dumping the counsellors as you say then she is not ready to get better. I would see if there is anyone who she can trust but she has to want to make the ch age herself. This may sound a bit cold but you can’t do it for her. Provide her with the professional supports you can, mind her as best as you can but ultimately she needs to make the decision

I would agree, BC. Something is probably causing it and the illness can't be fixed without addressing it. 

[spoofer]

Does anyone find they have destructive behaviour which keeps the flame of depression lighting?..as in you are generally horrified by your actions but it's a choice you make to ease some mental pain ie alcohol, self harming, risky behaviour? I posted on another  forum about my relationship with alcohol and since then I've taken the step of seeing someone professionally after severe unexpected family difficulties...esp from my wife from her childhood years unfortunately(you don't need to be a heinous to figure this one out). Somebody replied to my post about pouring all alcohol in the house down the sink which was drastic but it struck a chord about where I was and metaphorically shuck me up!!
So I've started therapy and am trying so hard to change my mindset. In doing so I'm trying CBT AND mindfulness/meditation.
It's so difficult as I'm still actively experiencing negative personal and family issues. It's such a difficult mind shift to make..I would consider myself a fairly intelligent guy with strong emotional connections but I'm struggling so much to see things clearly. I know I'm baffling and ranting but my question to you boys is how do ye  feel about the connection internally with mindfullness/CBT? Is it a habit after a while or is this difficulty somewhat always there?

[Jell 0 Biafra]

Does anyone find they have destructive behaviour which keeps the flame of depression lighting?..as in you are generally horrified by your actions but it's a choice you make to ease some mental pain ie alcohol, self harming, risky behaviour? I posted on another  forum about my relationship with alcohol and since then I've taken the step of seeing someone professionally after severe unexpected family difficulties...esp from my wife from her childhood years unfortunately(you don't need to be a heinous to figure this one out). Somebody replied to my post about pouring all alcohol in the house down the sink which was drastic but it struck a chord about where I was and metaphorically shuck me up!!
So I've started therapy and am trying so hard to change my mindset. In doing so I'm trying CBT AND mindfulness/meditation.
It's so difficult as I'm still actively experiencing negative personal and family issues. It's such a difficult mind shift to make..I would consider myself a fairly intelligent guy with strong emotional connections but I'm struggling so much to see things clearly. I know I'm baffling and ranting but my question to you boys is how do ye  feel about the connection internally with mindfullness/CBT? Is it a habit after a while or is this difficulty somewhat always there?

I did mindfulness training in the late 90s for a panic disorder.  It was very helpful, and I do go back to it from time to time when I feel I need to.  But at first, you do need to force yourself to stick to a regimen and it can be difficult at first. But as you begin to see the benefits, you'll find yourself returning to the mindfulness techniques more instinctively.  At least, that's how it was for me back then.  Best of luck with it.

[paddyjohn]

Going through a real hard time this week. A close friend has just been given bad news and it’s hit me like a ton of bricks. Also work is being a complete ballbag and I’m getting the brunt of the shite!

But I keep telling myself it could be worse and tomorrow will be a brighter day.

[BennyHarp]

I came across this today, my apologies if it has been posted before but I found it very inspiring. Especially coming from someone so young. https://diggchildrenswear.com/blogs/news/its-going-to-be-ok-my-mental-health-journey-by-sean-ohare

[Insane Bolt]

Going through a real hard time this week. A close friend has just been given bad news and it’s hit me like a ton of bricks. Also work is being a complete ballbag and I’m getting the brunt of the shite!

But I keep telling myself it could be worse and tomorrow will be a brighter day.

I found from my own experiences that a text or quick call to the person means so much, shows the friend that they are in our thoughts and prayers. Let them know you are there for them, no matter how trivial they may think the issue is. As for the work....if the shite you are getting is unwarranted then speak to those giving it out......failing that look elsewhere for employment......life is too short.
The weekend is upon us.....do something as simple as a park walk with the kids....with a wee treat at the end of it. Keep talking to us.

[Frank_The_Tank]

Two good books by Matt Haig

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Reasons-Stay-Alive-Matt-Haig/dp/1782116826/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1541154400&sr=8-3&keywords=matt+haig

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Notes-Nervous-Planet-Matt-Haig/dp/1786892677/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1541154400&sr=8-1&keywords=matt+haig

[Walter Cronc]

Did anyone listen to the Joe Rogan podcast with Tyson Fury. Very interesting to hear about Fury's battle with depression.

Setting small targets and working out seemed to be his key to recovery.