https://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/health-family/it-could-be-your-parent-a-sibling-or-colleague-that-s-making-you-ill-1.3673100?mode=ampwhat characterises a healthy relationship?
It involves two people in an authentic dynamic who emotionally support each other and provide practical help, as needed. They communicate well, trust each other, are thoughtful and share healthy activities. On a basic level, you feel emotionally and physically safe. Each party is there for the joy, but also the suffering. There is mutual respect, trust and a ‘give-and-take’ ethos. The best of you is brought out in a vibrant dynamic and you can be yourself, warts and all.
relational stress can trigger psychological ill health and aggravate existing mental-health conditions. Each person brings a unique, history, personality, set of values and communication style to the table. An unhealthy relationship can wreck your head, sap your energy and consume you so much you miss out on all the positive relations you have. Those around you become fed up hearing the details over and over again. Another serious side-effect is that prolonged exposure can chip away at your sense of worth.
A lack of respect is characterised by name calling, being overly critical of and putting down the other person. Breaches of trust, false promises, lack of communication and over-dependence are other indicators. Jealousy, possessiveness, controlling behaviours and manipulation may feature. Arguing not only impacts the duo, but those around them and high levels of conflict are linked to depression and low self-esteem.
Being bullied is a contributory factor to a plethora of physical and psychological damage. Constantly being let down by the other person, repeated negative behaviours or too much drama is emotionally draining. Negativity and moaning can have an adverse effect on your own mood. Know-it-alls, competitors, boasters and ‘all about mes’ can irritate and bore.
So how can you get out of an unhealthy relationship?
It starts with you. The first step to exiting and getting into better dynamics is to work on yourself. Take stock and uncover what your vulnerabilities are. Perhaps you need to be more assertive and work on your self-esteem. Are there patterns? Identify what are your issues and what are not? Learn from it and review your selection process.
Assess if the relationship is good for you, what are you getting from it and are there any of the above symptoms present. Ask for feedback from others and explore what you are hanging on for. So many people stay in relationships that are not good for them because there is a history, or it is family, or because they fear confrontation and change.
People may endure toxicity for what they perceive is best for the children, financial reasons or the fear of being alone. Others live in the shadow hoping for change. Sadly, some people may be so worn down, their resources have diminished. It takes strength to leave, so accessing support, therapy and positive outlets can help. Write or reflect on what keeps you holding on.
Healthy boundaries involve verbal, physical and psychological layers and help keep a healthy distance and not get sucked in. Don’t fake it. If talking hasn’t worked or is not an option, step right back. You can connect with people on different levels from your inner circle outwards and maintain easy connections with twice-a year-lunch buddies or Christmas card people.
