Author Topic: A tourists gude to Ireland  (Read 3702 times)

under the bar

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A tourists gude to Ireland
« on: May 13, 2010, 09:23:38 PM »
Ireland is an island to the west of Britain but Northern Ireland is just
 off the mainland – not the Irish mainland, the British mainland.

 
 The capital of Ireland is Dublin . It has a population of a million people,
 all of whom will be shopping in Newry this afternoon. They travel to Newry
 because it is in the North, which is not part of Ireland , but still pay in
 Euros.
 
 Under the Irish constitution, the North used to be in Ireland , but a
 successful 30-year campaign of violence for Irish unity ensured that it is
 now definitely in the UK . Had the campaign lasted longer the North might
 now be in France .
 
 Belfast is the capital of Northern Ireland . It has a population of half a
 million, half of whom have houses in Donegal. Donegal is in the north but
 not in the North. It is in the South. No, not the south, the South.
 
 There are two parliaments in Ireland . The Dublin parliament is called the
 Dáil, (pronounced “Doyle”), an Irish word meaning a place where banks
 receive taxpayers’ money.The one in Belfast is called Stormont, an
 Anglo-Saxon word meaning placebo, or deliberately ineffective drug.
 
 Their respective jurisdictions are defined by the border, an imaginary line
 on the map to show fuel launderers where to dump chemical waste.
 
 Protestants are in favour of the border, which generates millions of pounds
 in smuggling for Catholics, who are opposed to it.
 
 Travel between the two states is complicated because Ireland is the only
 country in the world with two M1 motorways. The one in the North goes west
 to avoid the south and the one in the South goes north to avoid the price
 of drink.
 
 We have two types of democracy in Ireland . Dublin democracy works by
 holding a referendum and then allowing the government to judge the result.
 If the government thinks the result is wrong, the referendum is held again.
 Twice in recent years the government decided the people’s choice was wrong
 and ordered a new referendum.
 
 Belfast democracy works differently. It has a parliament with no
 opposition, so the government is always right. This system generates envy
 in many world capitals, especially Dublin .
 
 Ireland has three economies – northern, southern and black. Only the black
 economy is in the black. The other two are in the red.
 
 All versions of the IRA claim to be the real IRA but only one of them is
 the Real IRA. The North’s biggest industry is the production of IRAs.
 Consequently, we now have the Provisional, Continuity and Real IRA. The
 Real IRA is by far the most popular among young graffiti writers simply
 because it is the easiest to spell.

Lecale2

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Re: A tourists gude to Ireland
« Reply #1 on: May 13, 2010, 09:28:43 PM »
A hurling man from Rostrevor wrote that for the Irish News. You should credit him and put it in context.

Massey-135

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Re: A tourists gude to Ireland
« Reply #2 on: May 13, 2010, 09:31:26 PM »
heard gerry anderson read that out one time, very good

comethekingdom

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Re: A tourists gude to Ireland
« Reply #3 on: May 13, 2010, 09:41:06 PM »
heard gerry anderson read that out one time, very good

Who's gerry anderson? Never heard of him.

Massey-135

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Re: A tourists gude to Ireland
« Reply #4 on: May 13, 2010, 09:49:58 PM »
heard gerry anderson read that out one time, very good

Who's gerry anderson? Never heard of him.

he has a show on radio ulster up here, great fella

comethekingdom

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Re: A tourists gude to Ireland
« Reply #5 on: May 13, 2010, 09:52:28 PM »
heard gerry anderson read that out one time, very good

Who's gerry anderson? Never heard of him.

he has a show on radio ulster up here, great fella

what sort of show would it be like? Ian dempsey or Ray darcy or Pat Kenny , derek Mooney etc ?

Massey-135

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Re: A tourists gude to Ireland
« Reply #6 on: May 13, 2010, 09:58:55 PM »
heard gerry anderson read that out one time, very good

Who's gerry anderson? Never heard of him.

he has a show on radio ulster up here, great fella

what sort of show would it be like? Ian dempsey or Ray darcy or Pat Kenny , derek Mooney etc ?

hard to compare it with anything. he has a great choice in music, plays a lot of folk stuff and gives a lot of air play to new local acts, young and old. he's always good craic and spins a yarn brilliantly. he has some complete eejuts ringing in all the time too, like some aul farmer with a cure for a dog and that kinda thing. includes a bit of poetry too. worth listening out for if you can


orangeman

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Re: A tourists gude to Ireland
« Reply #8 on: May 14, 2010, 09:28:56 AM »
Very good and not far away.

Main Street

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Re: A tourists gude to Ireland
« Reply #9 on: May 14, 2010, 12:00:52 PM »
Those animated skits are hilarious.

These sketches are done for tv?
Closely or loosely based on the real thing - the radio program?


Ulick

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Re: A tourists gude to Ireland
« Reply #10 on: May 14, 2010, 12:18:10 PM »
Those animated skits are hilarious.

These sketches are done for tv?
Closely or loosely based on the real thing - the radio program?

They first series was run on tv but never spotted the second. They were used as five minute fillers between programmes. The audio of the phone-ins are all the real McCoy.

Main Street

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Re: A tourists gude to Ireland
« Reply #11 on: May 14, 2010, 01:57:53 PM »
I just watched series 2 ep 3. where it is written  at the beginning (after a dramatic sound effect)

 the following program uses Real phone calls from Real people
 
 (another dramatic sound effect)

Really


Say it ain't so.

« Last Edit: May 14, 2010, 01:59:41 PM by Main Street »

DirtyDozen12

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Re: A tourists gude to Ireland
« Reply #12 on: May 14, 2010, 04:23:13 PM »
Some of those Gerry Anderson videos are class. 

"Gerry, ive just went a cut my finger on a tin of corned beef"

WTF!!!  Ring Gerry and he will try and get it sorted  :D
Beer, now there's a temporary solution!!!