There's no crack here anymore

[Dakota]

I really can't get over how seriously people take this forum, it's as sad as it is fascinating

[Hardy]

farneyboy11
Registered User
Posts: 33
(4/8/03 6:23 pm)
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Just ask the Farneyboy

I can see all.

Gunther
Registered User
Posts: 316
(4/8/03 7:01 pm)
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  Farneyboy

Who'll bring the horse to France?

farneyboy11
Registered User
Posts: 36
(4/8/03 7:30 pm)
Reply
  ..

My Son,

If you follow the trail you'll find the golden linkbox. There he will carry the van.

Otherwise Fedex does a good deal at the weekend. Make sure Moynihan is not mistaken as he.

Farneyboy.

Gunther
Registered User
Posts: 318
(4/8/03 8:08 pm)
Reply
  FB

i'm glad you didn't say Jimmy Mangan anyway as the horse caught the ferry home but jimmy didn't.

Mike Sheehy2
Registered User
Posts: 239
(4/8/03 9:08 pm)
Reply
  female impersonating dictators

Oh Wise one

I attached a link to a post recently about Monaghan being the same shape as Iraq. Now I see a post about Women with Moustaches in Offaly. What does it all mean....?

confused

farneyboy11
Registered User
Posts: 37
(4/8/03 9:14 pm)
Reply
  ...

My Curley Haired Adonis,

Do not be afraid. Monaghan, like Iraq, also has a similar shape to Trinidad and Tobago as well as the townland of Murr in Carlow. Read not much into it.

As for the Offaly hair growth. Unfortunately that was always a side effect of the Celtic Tiger progress. The loss of Neutrality will put an end to that though.

Farneyboy.

theGoat
Registered User
Posts: 34
(4/9/03 12:09 am)
Reply
  re.

Saddham Hussain has attempted to prove he is alive by appearing on television saying "Armagh were total shite on Sunday"

But surely that could have been recorded at any time over the last month?

What do you think oh wise one??

Kerry Mike
Registered User
Posts: 909
(4/9/03 6:19 am)
Reply
  Re: re.

Oh wise one will Kerry ever win a hurling game or Cork another All-Ireland in any code.

Did Seamus Darby really push Tommy Doyle ? Did Lord Lucan really ride Shergar ?
Will we ever see their likes again ? Is Pat Spliiane really a bollix ? Will McGeeney ever Smile ?

And to really stretch the limits of your powers, what will be the 6 winning numbers in tonights lotto , don't post them here or I will have to share it with all those other feckin' hoors !!

ONeill
Registered User
Posts: 767
(4/9/03 6:24 am)
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  The Goat

(I want to know that too)
Edited by: ONeill at: 4/9/03 6:25:46 am

farneyboy11
Registered User
Posts: 38
(4/9/03 6:27 am)
Reply
  Goat/Oneill

My hairy-chinned bleater,

Yes, you are correct. That may have been recorded after the Omagh debacle. But the depression on his neb reveals a culmination of poor results which suggests the Tralee venture resulted in his swiftly arranged TV appearance. Do not fret though, i feel that after the Laois matchup, we'll never see him again.

Farneyboy.

farneyboy11
Registered User
Posts: 39
(4/9/03 6:34 am)
Reply
  Kerry Mike

My little animal,

Kerry will never win a hurling game as long as the human race travel on two legs.
Cork are set for an iminent double. May be camogie/Handball.
Darby did not push Doyle. Francis Jeffers has studied this incident and you've seen the results.
Lucan was sexually uninhibited, so this is a possibility.
No, never.
Spillane has powers. Do not rise the man or he will multiply.
McGeeney has smiled. Tierney refused a double cheese burger with extra fries in La Manga last year.
Lotto - my first is in three and not in four.

A Clockwork Orange
Registered User
Posts: 7
(4/9/03 7:36 am)
Reply
  Knowledge

All Knowing One,

Some of O'Neill's critics have outrageously claimed that he has various alter egos on this Board - nothing surely could be further from the truth?

A couple of questions;

When O'Neill goes to a football match on his own, does he need a people carrier?

If he does, how does the conversation usually go on the journey?

Does O'Neill get to the ground and enquire about a family ticket?

Have we seriously underestimated the spread of O'Neilldom, and he is in fact Gunther, Kerry Mike and Mike Sheehy 2?

Farneyboy, please give me the knowledge. If you don't know, I will have to write to Drooper on the Banana Splits Show.

Kerry Mike
Registered User
Posts: 910
(4/9/03 8:46 am)
Reply
  Re: Knowledge

I deny all knowledge of Tractor Reversing or Pipe Smoking and have only a passing interest in Cow Pushing now that the great Big Bertha has passed away to the big meadow in the sky.

Farneyboy , Is Big Bertha happy and at peace ?

farneyboy11
Registered User
Posts: 40
(4/9/03 6:18 pm)
Reply
  Re: Knowledge

Clockwork Orange,

I feel you are taking the piss now so i will retire from my present occupation of enlightenment. And just when I was going to let you all know what Fearon does at night on his own too. You'll never know where the 16 inch rubber pipe and scuba diving outfit comes into it.

Farneyboy.
Saffron Sam
Registered User
Posts: 114
(4/9/03 6:43 pm)
Reply
  Oh Great and All Seeing One

Farneyboy,

Why, if your county's contribution to the GAA over the past 119 years is limited to Sean McCague, Michael Feeney and Clones, has George W Bush not attacked Monaghan?

Why do you sometimes call your wife Sheila when her name is Bronagh?

Do you ever call your colleague who gets a lift to work with you Bronagh, when her name is Sheila?

Why did a man of your undoubted talents not line out for the Ulster Interfirms winners on Saturday past?

ONeill
Registered User
Posts: 801
(4/22/03 8:44 pm)
Reply
  Re: Oh Great and All Seeing One

Farneyboy,

I have a hairy dog around the back of my house that smells of dung.

Also, what should Micky do for the final?

Can you help me?

farneyboy11
Registered User
Posts: 41
(4/22/03 8:49 pm)
Reply
  Re: Oh Great and All Seeing One

My Antrim dig,

Monaghan has been hit. We just dont report it.

I cannot fathom your other requests

ONeill,

the dog may be a neighbour locked out of the house for quite a while. Talk to him/her.

Micky should confuse their final opponents as well as future opponents by turning up at Croke Park with the whole team resplendid in white suits and cravats and rosettes.

Farneyboy.

cavanmaniac
Registered User
Posts: 72
(4/24/03 9:08 am)
Reply
  Re: Oh Great and All Seeing One

Farneyboy, I'm fierce pissed off so I am and am willing to accept the advice of a Monaghan man.

My problem is that I'm from Cavan and in the lack of any realistic hope of my county winning Sam before I grow old and shuffle off my mortal coil, I would like to suddenly be a Galway man instead. How do I do this successfully and rid myself of all traces of Cavanosity - surely the habit would die hard in me and there's a danger of a split GAA personality here?

Sniper
Registered User
Posts: 4
(4/28/03 3:06 pm)
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  Your own troubles

Oh great one

As a monaghan man, you have enough problems of your own:
Will Monaghan win their qualifier after getting beaten by Árd Mhacha?
Will any more players drop off the panel?
Will the boys stay off the drink ther night before the Árd Mhacha game?
Will any1 beat the Blayney F****s to another Mick Duffy cup?

farneyboy11
Registered User
Posts: 42
(4/29/03 6:38 am)
Reply
  Re: Oh Great and All Seeing One

Dearest Cavanmaniac,

I'm sorry to relate this information to your good self, but i'm a feared you will always be a Cavanman. Even if you posed as a Galwegian, you would be exposed early on as you haggle with the ice-cream girl at the games over the price of a Chilly Whilly. The best thing would be to take an interest in competitive turf cutting. It is the next big thing and Cavan will be much respected in this field.

Farneyboy. I tell it as it is.

farneyboy11
Registered User
Posts: 43
(4/29/03 6:44 am)
Reply
  Re: Your own troubles

My sniping great,

You ask of many favours.
1. More than likely. Although i can feel an itch on my left hand. It may be the sign of good times ahead or it may be the bleach from cleaning the hairy plug hole in my ma's house.

2. Setting them up there in the first place was always going to be a disaster. A panel or even a large ledge is no place for 25 grown men.

3. Unlikely. It didn't do Nudie any harm.

4. Yes, i think times are a changing in Farneyland. They are thinking of renaming the cup the Sean McCague Cup, so thankfully the Blaney boys will never get their hands on the Mick Duffy Cup and that can only be good for the county.

Farneyboy. If you don't like the truth, don't ask.

Hardyarse
Registered User
Posts: 483
(4/29/03 1:58 pm)
Reply | Edit
  The problems we'll be discussing today may not be yours

O wise one,

My shocks are in a terrible state.

farneyboy11
Registered User
Posts: 44
(4/29/03 10:26 pm)
Reply
  Re: The problems we'll be discussing today may not be yours

Dearest Hardlyarsed,

Dig a hole in the floor and use natural springage in you legs going over bumps.

If not, purchase a dart ticket and a good book. I recommend "How to know God" by Deepak Chopra.

Farneyboy. It's all you need.

Bummer
Registered User
Posts: 539
(4/29/03 10:43 pm)
Reply
  Re: The problems we'll be discussing today may not be yours

Dear Mystic Farney,

Can you help me with these and what outcome can you see?

1. How do you stop Brocagh and Derrytresk beating the shit out of each other in Tyrone?
2. How do you stop world domination by Dubya?
3. After Tony Fearon got bored of Armagh winning all the time, how do you get him out of the current state he is in?
"I buy my crack and smack my bitch, right here in Donacavey!"

easytiger
Registered User
Posts: 493
(4/30/03 9:23 am)
Reply
  Great Farney guru

I'm a dub forced to live and work down the country. my swagger is gone, the accents scare me, there's no decent speedbumps to go over on me ped and the wind parts my hair a different way down here.
What can I do?

Sniper
Registered User
Posts: 8
(4/30/03 3:26 pm)
Reply
  An Tuaim

Oh wise one,

How do the sleeping giant that is Toome G.F.C. rise themselves from their current abyss?
Should we use motivational, physical or mental powers?

sligoman2
Registered User
Posts: 405
(4/30/03 5:48 pm)
Reply
  Farneyman

Exalted one of the most excellent order the monaghan empire.

I'm hoping you will display your supernatural powers in my "picks against the spread" competition and prove to those disbelievers out there that you are indeed the wizard of moz.

I'm struggling with the 9.5 point spread between New York and Leitrim, who in your most brilliant mind do you think will win. Also, any chance you could get a new knee for Dessie Sloyane.

farneyboy11
Registered User
Posts: 45
(4/30/03 6:38 pm)
Reply
  Re: The problems we'll be discussing today may not be yours

My little Bumman,

1. This is nature i'm afeard. Let it take its course.
2. Listen to your heart. Therein the truth will scream as a badly scarred c**k.
3. Comfort eating.

Farneyboy. I can't believe it's not Dr Hilliary.

farneyboy11
Registered User
Posts: 46
(4/30/03 6:40 pm)
Reply
  Re: An Tuaim

My sniping Cousin,

This is problematic. Forces tell me Toome are destined for eel-famous culinary delicousies and for nothing else. Give up the ball and mend the net. Therein the kudos shall bereft.

Farneyboy. It does what it says on the tin.

farneyboy11
Registered User
Posts: 47
(4/30/03 6:44 pm)
Reply
  Re: Farneyman

My Yeats-county hobo,

What you ask of is against what the power master has bestowed on me. I will never and have never used such gifts to pummel the Turf Accountant. Repent and you shall nurture the brain of enlightenment. Look into your soul goforNY and you'll see the answer therein.

Farneyboy. Delicious.

farneyboy11
Registered User
Posts: 48
(4/30/03 6:50 pm)
Reply
  Re: Great Farney guru

My easy tiger,

Keep nodding the head when someone talks and utter "tis tarra altogether". If a local talks of downing the ether for a bit of craic, politely decline. You'll probably die. If a fella offers his sister for a night as a bit of craic, decline as well. You'll be taking on all the family that night and you'll be left out most likely. Modify the swagger. Dander as if your knackers are swollen. Shave the head. There are speedbumps. You just need to look.

Farneyboy. Tired.

Mike Sheehy2
Registered User
Posts: 264
(4/30/03 7:12 pm)
Reply
  square ball

Oh great-one-from-county-shaped-like-Iraq

What is the solution to the great square-ball conundrum that has plagued us all these years gone by....

sligoman2
Registered User
Posts: 406
(4/30/03 7:18 pm)
Reply
  Re: Farneyman


To hell with the turf accountant, have you ever met a poor one?

- I assume that when you mention the "power master" you don't mean paddy power?

I'm already in New York

Any tips on soul looking, I'm not familiar with that game, but I'll try anything once.

Repent is it? I've been a Sligo supporter my whole life, Have I not suffered enough? What bigger sarcrifice can anyone make? Don't even think about ordering me to follow Leitrim? Damn it man, I've paid my dues.

What about Dessie Sloyane's shagging knee?


Enough of this speaking in riddles your most high king of the drumlins. Oh, and before I forget, could you rain down some fire and brimstone on that w**ker from meath that reffed the Sligo/Armagh replay, and if you've any left over, stop by Frank Murphy's house as well - his address is "5 substition lane" clonakilty, county cork. Or is it 6 substitution lane, I forget?
Save the last drop of brimstone (if you run out try cement) for McCagues's house, he's only a few drumlins away from your palace.

Will Hunting
Registered User
Posts: 17
(5/1/03 2:11 pm)
Reply
  Re: Farneyman

In the beginning was the Word, the Word was with Farneyboy and the word was Farneyboy.

All-seeing one:

1.Why are the balls not going over the bar for me anymore. Has life as a Belfast student finally done me in... or is it a confidence thing?

Will Hunting
Registered User
Posts: 18
(5/1/03 2:14 pm)
Reply
  Re: Farneyman

2. Can Oram do anything in Monaghan this year?

Sniper
Registered User
Posts: 9
(5/1/03 2:49 pm)
Reply
  Oram

Will Hunting (though if you are from Oram your surname is more than likely Mone) Oram have been beaten by Toome (a.k.a. the worst team in the county) in the league!

I await Farneyboys comments on this matter with great interest

farneyboy11
Registered User
Posts: 49
(5/1/03 3:10 pm)
Reply
  mm

My curley-haired Sheehy,

The answer lies not the the reception but in the donation. Keep her short and thou will not fall. If this is indecipherable, lamp her over and forget about the 3 pointer

My hunting maniac,

The ball will go over the bar. Visualise it. Visualise the hammering you will get if she misses. If not, become a full back. You'll never score an own-point.

As for Oram, yes, they can do something. Scunthorpe Gallagher has a great chanter. He'll annex the Scor na nOg title without breaking sweat. Get behind him. He likes it.

Farneyboy. Believe.

[pintsofguinness]

I really can't get over how seriously people take this forum, it's as sad as it is fascinating

what do you mean

[AZOffaly]

Good stuff Hardy. Proof that the good old days really were good old days. Uncanny the way Farneyman predicted the fall of the Celtic Tiger in 2003. Maybe he should have a book out as well.

Remember the man from your own county, he may or may not have been a figment of someone's imagination but he stopped posting after he emigrated? I speak, of course, of the great 'Sonny'.

[Hardy]

Ah the great Sonny. An awful pity he never came back. I used to have a piece of his somewhere. I'll have a look when I get time.

Do you still have your own epic series on the Offaly Junior Championship?

[Dakota]

Posters do seem to like the aul pat on the back as well I notice

[AZOffaly]

Ah the great Sonny. An awful pity he never came back. I used to have a piece of his somewhere. I'll have a look when I get time.

Do you still have your own epic series on the Offaly Junior Championship?

I beg your pardon, that was senior

[Lady GAA GAA]

Out with the old, in with the new.

[ziggysego]

Out with the old, in with the new.

What have you brought to the board?

[Lady GAA GAA]

Out with the old, in with the new.

What have you brought to the board?

Well I don't like to blow my own trumpet but I think I'm the best poster on here.

[Orior]

I miss Farneyboy a lot. I also missed the dog throwing thread 

[pintsofguinness]

Out with the old, in with the new.

What have you brought to the board?

Maybe if he tells us his other username we could decide.

[Lady GAA GAA]

Out with the old, in with the new.

What have you brought to the board?

Maybe if he tells us his other username we could decide.

Ah Pints, always were one for the conspiracy theories. Even if I were to have another username, Ziggy's crime is much worse.

[ziggysego]

What?

[muppet]

Posters do seem to like the aul pat on the back as well I notice

Great post.