Mr & Mrs Robinson

[Fear ón Srath Bán]

Breaking News

Iris Robinson is currently in hospital... eagerly awaiting the birth of her next boyfriend!

[ziggysego]

More Breaking News

Sinn Fein & the DUP have agreed to the new P&J Department. Sinn Fein will become the minister and the DUP will have half the force keeping an eye on Iris.

[red hander]

This story just keeps on giving ... I hear chief Sunday World fantasist Hugh Jordan and a photographer were arrested today in the home of Kirk McCambley's buiness partner.  Apparently they had gained entry without his permission and were 'looking around' when the business partner arrived home unexpectedly ... there appears to have been a scuffle which has resulted in Jordan being charged with assault ... brilliant 

[trileacman]

This was in yesterday's Irish Times! I can read between the lines on a few......

Should a vacancy arise at the top, the DUP's got talent . . .

NEWTON'S OPTIC: WHO ARE the front runners to succeed Peter Robinson as DUP leader, should a vacancy arise? The Irish Times takes a look at some of the candidates.

Gwendolene Gloucester MLA

Widely seen as a moderniser, Gloucester believes that a woman's place is in the kitchen but it should be a nice modern kitchen, with one of those coffee machines that froths the milk. While not a supporter of powersharing as such, she is prepared to share the secret recipes for Protestant tray-bakes.

"I see no reason why our Catholic neighbours should eat only rice crispy buns, with perhaps a few raisins thrown in on saint's days, when they could be enjoying caramel squares or even pineapple flapjacks," she told Unionist Woman's Twice-Weekly.

Gareth Heinz MP

Ultra-hardliner regarded as less hardline than the other ultra-hardliners, making him a possible soft-hardliner. Heinz is more likely to be offered the deputy leadership as part of a unity ticket, although it would be wise not to use the term "unity ticket" in his presence.

Cecil Dudds MP

Once seen as Robinson's natural successor, Dudds's star has fallen in recent years as everyone in the party gradually realises they can't stand him. However, he still commands respect as the only senior DUP figure with a degree from an actual university, rather than a mail-order Bible college in Kentucky. Dudds is also admired for his constituency work, dealing regularly with the Ulster Development Agency, the Ulster Venture Fund, the Local Venture Fund, the Ulster Funding Fund and the Red Hand Commando (surely "Regional Housing Committee"? – Ed)

Rev Colin Rally

A keen yachtsman in his younger days, Rally has long been concerned by the shortage of buoys around the coast of Co Antrim and has called on Stormont to pay for more, even if they have to be hired.

"I know the public is behind me in this campaign," he told Hello Ulster Sailor magazine. "Wherever I go, I hear people behind me saying 'rent buoys'."

Kyle Cahoots jnr

A leading scion of the Cahoots dynasty, which has dominated Northern Ireland politics for as long as anyone cares to remember, Cahoots was slightly compromised by the Seymour Apartments property scandal in which the entire town Fortabogie was accidentally demolished by a "runaway digger". Only Cahoots's own luxury holiday home survived, from the steps of which he immediately vowed to "rebuild my career". He has since conceded that, under the circumstances, this remark "might have been in poor taste".

Hamish Duckworth MP

A noted historian, linguist and political thinker, as mostly noted on his Ulster-Scots blog, Awae An' Shyte. Accused last year of watching X-rated films while naked in a hotel bedroom, Duckworth claimed it was all a misunderstanding over the meaning of "movie buff".

Pastor Edmund Pasteur

DUP science spokesman and former minister for sports and hobbies, Pastor Pasteur spends his weekends (except Sundays) censoring information panels in visitors' centres with a big orange marker. A firm opponent of the theory of gravity, he believes that everything is instead pressed down by the force of "heavenly repulsion". This week, most DUP voters would probably agree

I love this thread.

[trileacman]

This story just keeps on giving ... I hear chief Sunday World fantasist Hugh Jordan and a photographer were arrested today in the home of Kirk McCambley's buiness partner.  Apparently they had gained entry without his permission and were 'looking around' when the business partner arrived home unexpectedly ... there appears to have been a scuffle which has resulted in Jordan being charged with assault ... brilliant 

Aw lord, it feels like 50 christmas's at once!!

[Billys Boots]

NEWTON'S OPTIC

I really miss Portadown News.  The best bit was that he had two tabs for Sport; Sport (P) and Sport (RC).  Brilliant.

[omagh_gael]

Who wrote that article for Irish times?? Excellent! Particularly the ulster Scots blog! 

[Fear ón Srath Bán]

Who wrote that article for Irish times??

Newton Emerson

[orangeman]

This is getting better.


Jim Allister must be taking some laugh to himself.

[boojangles]

This story just keeps on giving ... I hear chief Sunday World fantasist Hugh Jordan and a photographer were arrested today in the home of Kirk McCambley's buiness partner.  Apparently they had gained entry without his permission and were 'looking around' when the business partner arrived home unexpectedly ... there appears to have been a scuffle which has resulted in Jordan being charged with assault ... brilliant 

Surely thats bullshit?

[Puckoon]

NEWTON'S OPTIC

I really miss Portadown News.  The best bit was that he had two tabs for Sport; Sport (P) and Sport (RC).  Brilliant.

The morning after the spolight program aired - that was my first thought. Why oh why wasnt the portadown news still in operation.

[omagh_gael]

Who wrote that article for Irish times??

Newton Emerson

Ah right, didn't relise he wrote for the Irish Times, would read his stuff in the Irish News regularly, very good! I notice he has similar gossip on Seany's info on Rev Willy, i wonder who or when will this accusation be broke?

[EC Unique]

Who wrote that article for Irish times??

Newton Emerson

Ah right, didn't relise he wrote for the Irish Times, would read his stuff in the Irish News regularly, very good! I notice he has similar gossip on Seany's info on Rev Willy, i wonder who or when will this accusation be broke?

Please let it be true. I hate the venomous little turd.

[Maiden1]

You have to wonder why all the stuff about the DUP is coming out now, we are getting drip fed something new about them every week.  Are they not playing ball over policing or is the plan to weaken the DUP to bring down the assembly.

Obviously they are a bunch of hypocrites and bigots but politicians taking bungs or engaging in extra marital activities etc. is hardly new and if you where to point the Spotlight closely enough at any of the parties I am sure there is a few up to no good, this sort of thing very rarely gets into the newspapers.

John Major was shagging Edwina Curry the whole time he was in power, Ted Heath was warned by the secret service about his Cottaging activies

http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/news/article-23393683-ted-heath-stopped-cottaging-for-gay-sex-to-protect-his-career-says-tory-mp.do

and Tony Blair raised a D-notice to stop the names of senior members of his cabinet being released to the press when they where caught up in Operation Ore.

http://www.opednews.com/articles/opedne_wayne_ma_070405_tony_blair_declares_.htm

Even in the last few weeks there has been a premiership football manager who was caught coming out of a brothel but his name was not allowed to be printed in any newspapers as it would invade his privacy.  It seems now that every time someone in the DUP farts it gets leaked to somebody.

[The Watcher Pat]

Can someone PM me with the mail seany sent. I could do with a laugh.