Limericks

[Orior]

Sadly, national poetry day is over for another year, and I know a few of you wont be able to cope, so I'm starting a Limerick thread. (Not to be confused with the Local GAA Discussion thread.)

There once was a man called Tone,
Whose letter writing was out on its own,
A prize every day,
Good return I would say,
But he makes us all moan and groan

(Okay, so I'm no O'Neill)

[Caid]

Now Ziggy you couldn't spell that's for sure,
But your exit has left the board a little poor,
So I wanted to say,
If you're reading today,
Come back...Actually feck ye – ya Tyrone hoor

[Aerlik]

There was an auld hoor from New Zealand
who was put into prison for stealin'
So she lay on her back
And opened her crack
And pissed all over the ceilin'

[anglocelt39]

A do it yourselfer called Alice,
Used a dynamite stick as a phallus,
they found her vagina in North Carolina,
And part of her arsehole in Dallas

[Square Ball]

There was a young teacher called Shane
who had an absolutely bald mane,
on his honeymoon he took
Paidi O'Se's famous book
Driving Bronagh totally insane!

Tony, can you have a bald mane?

[no mo do yakamo]

A mathematician named Hall
Has a hexahedronical ball,
And the cube of its weight
Times his pecker's, plus eight
is four fifths of five eights of fcukall

[Fear ón Srath Bán]

There was a wee Mucker from Derry
Who was convinced he was really a fairy
Says his mam he's a hound
For his daddy's a greyhound
And he's really a bloodhound from Kerry

[Puckoon]

On the board there's a fella bud weiser
who's as fond of the drink as anhauser
he's quick with a quip
or throwing an auld tip
that will make you laugh, or else make you a fiver.

Yer man pints of Guinness can whine
he can twist and can cross the old line
he got in the bad book
of a dodgy used car crook
who goes by the name of 5ive times.

Yer man 5ive times tried to kill him
like a scene from a poorly made film
mod3 he stepped there
agreed 5ive times was rare
but he came back as cuig haire

[Mac hinery]

There was a young man from Dundee
who was stung on the neck by a wasp
when asked did it hurt?
he replied "not much,
it can sting me again if it likes"

[armaghniac]

There was a Kerry slieveen
Who was incredibly mean
He took his wife to the Prix
All totally for free
This sort of carry on is obscene

[leenie]

"i'm so fed up with my county" cried the real loaislad
"never getting much to croke park makes me sad"
so he had to go to croke to watch a soccer game,
though it wasn't g.a.a it wasn't so lame..
sure it was the only chance for while he'd had

[Oraisteach]

A curmudgeon we all know as Tony
Has views undeniably phoney
The IFA he calls curs
Yet he cheers for the Spurs   
Hypocrisy or just plain baloney?

[SidelineKick]

There once was a girl from Tyrone,
who did nothing but moan and moan.
Her cankle was sore,
and what hurt even more,
is her living at home all alone 

[Caid]

You're wide open for a reply there SK given "Kick" rhymes with a lot of words

[SidelineKick]

You're wide open for a reply there SK given "Kick" rhymes with a lot of words

Hmm.  Do I sit it out or prepare myself for some dick and pr1ck remarks? The fact that I've used those words means she cant even take credit for it.