Journalist Write-Off 2009

[Fear ón Srath Bán]

Mc Evoy for me I'd say, Allen's doggerel for another day.

[RedandGreenSniper]

McEvoy. A great analytical writer.

[IolarCoisCuain]

McEvoy.

[ONeill]

McEvoy is going to walk this one. Unfortunately you don't seem to be able to access the Sunday Times GAA journalists online any more which is a great pity as they produce some great stuff.

For the last week first-rounders, do we have two posters on here who are prepared to write a preview or review so we'll have a gaaboarder in the quarters? What about our resident journo laoisgaa? There are plenty of others on here well capable of churning out a clinker or two. A wee bit of research and a couple of hours would do it. Any takers?

[Billys Boots]

McEvoy.

[Fear ón Srath Bán]

Just had a call there from someone calling himself 'da ex teeeshock', I think he had the wrong number, but he enquired of me anyway:

"Eehhhhh, howareya. Wou, wou, would it b-b-b-be possible ad all for a brand new journo who who who who who has just begun a sp-sp-sp-sp-sports column in da Newis of da da-da Wourld to contribute to da Journalist Write-Off on your g-g-g-g-great discussion board? It promises to be a real eh eh cracker of a co-co-column, so it does, wid loads of c-c-ca... oops! Tee hee, danks."

What do you think, room for another, for a laugh if nothing else?

[RedandGreenSniper]

McEvoy is going to walk this one. Unfortunately you don't seem to be able to access the Sunday Times GAA journalists online any more which is a great pity as they produce some great stuff.

For the last week first-rounders, do we have two posters on here who are prepared to write a preview or review so we'll have a gaaboarder in the quarters? What about our resident journo laoisgaa? There are plenty of others on here well capable of churning out a clinker or two. A wee bit of research and a couple of hours would do it. Any takers?

I'll give it a go.

Tyrone are the best team ever.

Where's my prize?

[ONeill]

2 words under the word limit sorry.

OK, I've received a critique on the state of football in Derry from someone who wishes to remain anonymous which is a good idea as grudges etc could play a part. Anyone wishing to go head-to-head with this entrant. It can be pmed in the strictest of confidence and the winner will progress as 'Mr(s) Gaaboard'.

[ONeill]

Received word another gaaboard entrant last night. So here's the first contender's effort:

Divided they fall....

2pm and the Brandywell is empty. Mayo's David Clarke is down by the goal doing a warm-up beneath the heavy skies that hang over Celtic Park, just as empty as its foreign next-door neighbour's relatively flush pad.

14 July, 2007 and David Clarke warms up in a city that doesn't give a toss.  A city that doesn't care, trapped on the edge of a county that doesn't care, half wanting an earthquake to come and push it in to Donegal, where they care even less.

6,000 umbrellas turn up and "fill" the stands beneath the lashing rain.  Ciaran McDonald comes off the bench, Barry Gillis drops a clanger and Barry Moran scores a goal, but still Mayo crumble to the kings of crumble. 28 days later and it's still only 10,000 or so who make up the red and white patches that are crushed in a sea of brilliant, bubbling blue.
From a city that doesn't care to a city that cares only on certain weekends.  This is a Saturday and it's after 3pm and still the blue seats aren't filled with blue jerseys.  Five past three, and they still only care about the last sope of that Guinness that was only frothy half an hour earlier.

For 70 minutes, everyone cares.  And when Barry Cahill gets his hands down to deny Paddy Bradley a last-ditch equalising goal, everyone cares.  The capital breathes a collective sigh of relief loud enough to be heard beside the plasma screen in Ballinascreen club.
Derry care for an hour, and then they go home.  Home to the comfort of their beds, to sleep it off and get up in the morning, their heads lifted from a pillow only sodden by the drool borne of Budweiser.  No tears.

That morning after Dublin in '07, fourteen years from the trip that Sam Maguire made to the good side of the Sperrins, Derry is used to this feeling.  We tell the country that we're in the top eight, and the country sees us score 2-15 against Longford and believes us.
Why though?  Why do they believe?  Only three times in those fourteen years Derry has proven itself as one of the top four sides in the country, but Galway ripped the heart from beneath the Oak on the chest twice, in 1998 and 2001.  Kerry tore it from the ribcage and kicked the shit out of it in 2004.
Every year Derry believes.  A decent league and then maybe a good result against Antrim, and it's one game until we're back where we should be, in that Ulster final that deserves us.

That Ulster final hasn't deserved Derry since 2000.  Nine years.  Nine years of us telling the country we're in the top eight, nine years of the country believing us and nine years of us doing absolutely nothing to merit the position.
But do we care?  No.
Look after number one.  And in Derry, there is only one number one.  Six different clubs have won the coveted John McLaughlin Cup since the turn of the decade.  Club football is, and will always be, number one.

Ballinderry hate Bellaghy.  Bellaghy hate Lavey.  Lavey hate Glen.  Glen hate Slaughtneil.  Slaughtneil hate Glenullin.  Glenullin hate Swatragh.  Swatragh hate Slaughtneil (as well).  Dungiven hate everyone, and everyone hates them, because they're from the north.
Their hatred is the only thing they have in common.  A county divided.  Divided by a big mountain, a wide road and clubs who are cordial between the month of December, when there is 45 to be played in the club halls, and perhaps an odd hot whisky to be handed out.
But mostly, they're divided by club football.  Not county football.  And since Derry hasn't been united by county football in 16 years, the divide only expands with each passing winter.

Derry looks beyond its rugged border and wonders how other counties master the ancient art of not killing each other.
Looks out past Claudy and into Strabane and wonders how the in-breds managed to sweep up three All-Irelands in five years.  Ryan McMenamin, who'd nip his own shadow in the balls if he thought it'd help him win, manages not to get clocked in the club championship.
Sean Cavanagh might be a civil chap and all but you'd think he'd be a target, especially since the Moy have no-one else.  But no.
It's not to say the Tyrone championship isn't competitive.  It's more competitive than Derry's in that there's no stand out team, even though the one team that stands out in Derry is actually in Tyrone.

Maybe that's the secret.  Have everyone live on the other side of the border but have your pitch 60 yards from the bridge that separates God's country from marshy bogman swampland.

Truth is, there is no secret.  It's never going to change.  Derry have the players to be in the top eight in the country, but for a county like Derry, top eight is never enough.  Getting knocked out in a quarter or semi-final doesn't allow you a week off to go on the drink, or to paint the kerb stones red and white.
So instead, the fans don't even go on the rip.  The players take a few weekends to themselves when they pick which round of the qualifiers they want to lose in this year, and then it's down to the real business of club championship.
Because then everyone cares.  Celtic Park, an hour from Ballinderry, and not a whole lot less from Slaughtneil, and in the dirty, wet rain of an October Sunday afternoon, 8,000 umbrellas are there.

Blood and guts.  A second title on the line for the Emmett's, a fourth of the decade waiting for Ballinderry.  Parochialism at its strongest, there are 8,000 umbrellas in Derry city, and 8,000 of them are left in the car.  You come to Celtic Park, you expect to get wet.  And if you win, you don't care whether you get wet.  All you care about is that trophy.
In the end, Ballinderry won.  There were tears.  There were repercussions.  There were cheers in the rain, because they cared.
They care about Ballinderry, and Ballinderry only.  Slaughtneil cares about Slaughtneil.  Derry is a distant second.  Derry will remain a distant second until there's an All-Ireland final and a week off work to get excited about.

[Hardy]

That's very good indeed.

We have to know who it was - the writer should be proud of that.

[oakleafgael]

Hardy,

Whoever wrote that may be a little close to be revealing who they are. It highlights the malaise that has ran through Derry football for the last 30 years and longer. County football doesnt really matter to the large majority of the GAA population in Derry and its deosnt matter enough to the majority of the players either.

[rrhf]

The writng style reminds me of someone, very familiar, can't quite put a finger on it. 

[Hardy]

Hardy,

Whoever wrote that may be a little close to be revealing who they are.

Understandable.

[screenexile]

Hardy,

Whoever wrote that may be a little close to be revealing who they are.

Understandable.

Fantastic article summing things up quite brilliantly... It's a few years old though!

[RedandGreenSniper]

Very good piece. Gets the point well across and a lovely, flowing style. Is there a second entry?