How to kick like colm cooper?

[dodgy umpire]

need to invest in a new pair of football boots as the holes are getting too big in the current ones. Im not too knowledgable on this sort of thing so was wondering if anyone could guide me in the right direction?

[fred the red]

at first glance i thought that said how to kick colm cooper

[Handy]

I thought it was 'How to lick Colm's pooper.'

Bet U were hard startion at that thought!