CHILDREN - Is it time to do away with them?

[Billys Boots]

That is brilliant Deiseach!  Where is that extract taken from?

It's from Monty Python's stage show, although I seem to recall reading somewhere that they didn't write it.

I thought it was from The Secret Policeman's Ball.

[laoislad]

I'd like to catch the little shites who pulled the heads of the daffodils in my front garden and teach them a lesson.
It would probably be in vain though as a life of crime is probably all they will amount to anyway.

[muppet]

5 excellent tips for how to parent small children

1. Buy an expensive toy that comes in a cardboard box. The box will keep the child amused for hours. 

2.The feeding thing. The easiest and least frustrating thing to do is just to take all the food you  were going to  prepare for the  child and tip it straight into the bin. It has the same end effect,
but saves you the time & electricity taken to cook it, and also mean you don't have to sweep it
off the floor afterwards.   Plus, you don't even need to remove the child from its continuous video feed, so there is no  temper tantrum when the telly goes off.

3  If you wish for a taste of parenthood, over a fortnight set your alarm clock to go off at irregular intervals throughout the night, get up each time it goes off, go downstairs, carry two bags of potatoes around the house for 15 mins, put down sacks of potatoes, put on CD of Diamanda Galas at top volume, pick up potatoes, turn CD off, put down potatoes, turn CD on....

4 Or buy a skip full of toys which come in lots of tiny parts. Empty all over your house, pick them all up & refill the skip. Empty all over the house again & repeat ad nauseam or until 18 years have passed, whichever takes the longest.

5 Get all your money out from every available source & chuck it all in the sea.

They don't teach this any more.

[Olly]

I'd like to catch the little shites who pulled the heads of the daffodils in my front garden and teach them a lesson.
It would probably be in vain though as a life of crime is probably all they will amount to anyway.

It's find PC punishments that is the difficulty here. If you look crossly at a misbehaving child you can get a law suit.

You need to punish them by stealth.

eg - sneakily let a tyre on their bike down, every day. Psychological stuff. Firing wet tissues at them from a safe distance again every day for about two months.