Irishness equation

[muppet]

As someone from a unionist background, I do consider myself to be Irish.  However, as proven in this thread it seems Ulster Protestants will never be considered to be as "Irish" as their catholic, GAA playing, Irish speaking Celtic supporting neighbours.  If these are the qualifications required to be considered a true Irishman, is it any wonder that unionists are no nearer to being convinced that their futue lies in a UI?

The equation is part two of the test.

Unfortunately you didn't get past part one.

You can have another go:

Part 1: Do you have a sense of humour? - please circle one of the following:yes/no

[orchard 8195]

Was it pulled? did the MODS pull the thread?

Wasn't pulled, I got rid of it because it didn't seem that good an idea in the light of morning and couldn't have caused annoyance.  Should be a breathalizer on my computer so I can't post when I come in from a night out!!

I should get one of them for my phone. Some brutal texts sent last night

[michaelg]

Of course I do, although I think this  thread does raises an interesting point.  Ulster Prods are forever being told that they are Irish / not British etc.  However, it is difficult to be 100% convinced of this if you do not really meet any of the criteria required. 

[mylestheslasher]

Of course I do, although I think this  thread does raises an interesting point.  Ulster Prods are forever being told that they are Irish / not British etc.  However, it is difficult to be 100% convinced of this if you do not really meet any of the criteria required.

Yes but how loud do you sing irelands call. If u sing so loud as to be picked up on the tv mic then you get an extra 20% weighting which potentially move a unionist to be in the late 60% Irish which is a B+. I believe there are bonus points going for filling in the equation in ulster Scots but you'll have to check with professor Muppet

[muppet]

Of course I do, although I think this  thread does raises an interesting point.  Ulster Prods are forever being told that they are Irish / not British etc.  However, it is difficult to be 100% convinced of this if you do not really meet any of the criteria required.

Ok let's do this.

P - Place of Birth - (if born in Ireland - longitude to the nearest degree/ if born elsewhere of Irish parents - 20) this is a dig at people from the Pale and a nod to the west where I am from. You could be from Fermanagh which would get you more points than say Crossmaglen.
♭ - begrudgery level (*see below) anyone can score highly here thus boosting your Irishness
∃ - hatred of England (**see below) limited to what you did regarding the Queens visit. Most points for going to the pub leaves the door open to all, as long as they're buying.
✞ - visits to mass per month (self explanatory if you can count - if not you are Welsh) I will concede this one although I'm guessing you and I go to 'mass' the same number of times a month.
∫ - number of rebels songs known (precise knowledge not necessary - ability to roar chorus while drunk sufficient) if you drink you're laughing on this one, if not......are you sure you're Irish?
G - vocabulary as Gaeilge (up to a maximum of 200 focail) conceeded but if you know more of 'the Irish Language' is it not reasonable to link it to Irishness? I'll accept any Ulster dialect/language though.
⦿ - times MOTD watched per annum (x2 if watched while wearing an EPL jersey) surely not controvercial?
∁ - number of Celtic jerseys bought in lifetime (zero if worn while protesting) a dig at the 'no foreign games' loons rather than a political statement about anyone else who does or doesn't wear one.
⩉ - number of rugby matches watched per annum (1 - if you believe that all Irish rugby players are only any good because they played Gaa when they were young) this is a gentle dig at any Gaa brethren who think I shouldn't watch rugby, there are a few.
♆- Love of Royalty co-efficient (1000 if you keep a picture of the Queen - 1 if you don't know her name and interpolate for everything in between) silly I know but topical and no bearing on Irishness imho
☘ - Paddy's Day activity (100 for marching in parade - 25 for watching it - 200 for sitting in the pub all day) is this offensive to any community (other than tea-totallers)?

* b-   if nobody does any work except you +100
         if everyone is paid too much except you + 100
         if no one deserves anything except you + 100
         if corruption is a crime for everyone except for you + 100
         if everyone should say sorry except you + 100
         if it is all someone's fault except you + 100
         if champions only win because they are lucky + 100
         
* ∃-   if you protested + 100
         if you didn't protest but wanted to + 20
         if you didn't want to but hoped someone else would + 1000
         if you didn't want to and hoped no one would - 100
         if you protested and turned up at CityWest a week early instead of the Garden of remembrance + 500
         if you weren't arsed and went to the pub + 10000

[Mentalman]

Of course I do, although I think this  thread does raises an interesting point.  Ulster Prods are forever being told that they are Irish / not British etc.  However, it is difficult to be 100% convinced of this if you do not really meet any of the criteria required.

As one of the few posters on here of a Unionist background, and even rarer one who thinks of themselves as Irish, I'd be interested to see your equation for Irishness? Remember, like Muppet, it's just a bit of fun. I think we all except there is no equation for Irishness, for instance one of my work colleagues is orignally from Ivory Coast, but he feels, and is, by any objective measure, more Irish than my friend from Waterford who is in my opinion embarrased by his nationality and cultural background.

[mayogodhelpus@gmail.com]

Of course I do, although I think this  thread does raises an interesting point.  Ulster Prods are forever being told that they are Irish / not British etc.  However, it is difficult to be 100% convinced of this if you do not really meet any of the criteria required.

As one of the few posters on here of a Unionist background, and even rarer one who thinks of themselves as Irish, I'd be interested to see your equation for Irishness? Remember, like Muppet, it's just a bit of fun. I think we all except there is no equation for Irishness, for instance one of my work colleagues is orignally from Ivory Coast, but he feels, and is, by any objective measure, more Irish than my friend from Waterford who is in my opinion embarrased by his nationality and cultural background.

Well that lad from the Ivory Coast clearly had his flag upside down on his wall growing up, and the Waterford bloke probably ate to many blaas growing up.