Did they really say that??

[Jen Cui]

New Zealand Rugby Commentator - 'Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.'

Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - 'And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning and it
was amazing!'

Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: 'You'd eat beaver if you could get
it.'

A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and
asked, 'So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half
the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: 'Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday.'

Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on 'Look North' said: 'There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you
on a cold night like this. '

Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on 'Sky Sports': 'Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every
chance he gets.'

Michael Buerk on watching Philippa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK ecl ipse
coverage remarked: 'They seem cold out there. They're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts.'

Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open:
'Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny; other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.


Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator
"This is really a lovely horse, I once rode her mother.


David Coleman
"Moses Kiptanui - the 19 year old Kenyan, who turned 20 a few weeks ago"


Murray Walker
"We now have exactly the same situation as we had at the start of the race, only exactly the opposite"


RTE's George Hamilton on Spain manager Luis Suarez's substitution of Butragueno during their world cup qualifier with Ireland in Seville,1992
"He's pulling him off! The Spanish manager is pulling his captain off!"


Crystal Palace chairman Ron Noades, speaking in 1991
"The black players at this club lend the side a lot of skill and flair, but you also need white players in there to balance things up and give the team some brains and some common sense."


Ian Rush
On the difficulties of adjusting to playing football and living in Italy: "It was like being in a foreign country"


John Arlott
"Bill Frindal has done a bit of mental arithmetic with a calculator"


Peter Lorenzo
"Hodge scored for Forest after 22 seconds - totally against the run of play"


Ian McNail
"We actually got the winner three minutes from the end but then they equalized"


Winston Bennett
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body"


Murray Walker
"The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical"


Greg Norman
"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father"


Alan Minter
"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious"


John Francombe
"The racecourse is as level as a billiard ball"


Terry Venables
"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again"


Noel O' Mahony, Cork City boss before the game in Munich
"We'll still be happy if we lose. It's on at the same time as the Beer Festival"


Ron Atkinson
"I would not say he (David Ginola) is the best left winger in the Premiership, but there are none better."


Ron Atkinson
"He dribbles a lot and the opposition don't like it - you can see it all over their faces."


Ron Atkinson
"I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat."


Ian Wright - commenting on his teammate's alcoholism
"It took a lot of bottle for Tony (Adams) to own up."


Harry Carpenter - BBC TV Boat Race 1977
Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew."


David Vine
"Here we are in the Holy Land of Israel - a Mecca for tourists."


David Coleman
"Morcelli has four fastest 1500-metre times ever. And all those times are at 1500 metres."


Metro Radio
"Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."


David Coleman
"Her time is about 4.33, which she's capable of."


Chris Eubank, replying to "Have you ever thought of writing your autobiography?":
"On what ?"


Grand National winning jockey Mark Fitzgerald.
"Sex is an anti-climax after that !"


Ruud Gullit
"To play Holland, you have to play the Dutch."


Ron Atkinson
"Well , either side could win it, or it could be a draw."


John Motson
"For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are in the all-yellow strip"


David Acfield
"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer."


Stuart Hall - Radio 5 live
"What will you do when you leave football, Jack - will you stay in football?"


Mark Draper - Aston Villa
"I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona"


David Coleman at The Montreal Olympics
"There goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class"


David Coleman at the start of Match of The Day
"And for those of you who watched the last programme (Fanny and Johnny Craddock), I hope all your doughnuts turn out like Fanny's"


John Arlott
"...and Ray Illingworth is relieving himself in front of the pavilion"


Gary McCord on the greens at Augusta
"These greens are so fast they must bikini wax them"


David Coleman
"This evening is a very different evening from the morning that we had this morning"


Murray Walker
"...and Mark Blundell stops with his front wheels stationary"


Radio 5 Live: Jeremy Vine:
"So your autobiography is out in paperback. What's it about?"


Radio 1: Simon Bates:
"So your name's Mohammed? That's one of the most popular Christian names in the world."


USTV commentator
"One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee-shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them - Oh my God, what have I just said?"

[13aside]

premier league manager on radio on Friday (sorry i can't remember who it was just now) but he said"The important thing about the next six games is that there are three points available in each of them"--WHAT??

[Hoof Hearted]

On a cricket match between W Indies + England. Michael Holding is at the crease, Peter Willey is about to bowl. Cue the commentator - "The batsmans Holding the bowlers Willey"

[The Watcher Pat]

Steven Gerrard being interviewed on BBC radio 1..

Quick fire questions in 30 seconds..

Moyles "whats your favourite Cheese?"

Gerrard "Melted"

[mournerambler]

On family fortunes if my memory is correct,
Q. Name a bird with a long neck?
A. Naomi Campbell.

England v Brazil 2002 World Cup, "Ronaldhino has just lobbed Seaman from 30 yards".

[5 Sams]

Some classic alan brazil quotes
The Thaw Incident
Possibly the finest Alan Brazil moment of them all...
Brazil: "I was sad to hear yesterday about the death of Inspector Morse, TV's John Shaw."
Mike Parry: "John Thaw, Alan."
Brazil: "Do you know, I've been doing that all morning. John, if you're listening, sorry mate."

* The Monkhouse Incident
Clearly not learning from The Thaw Incident, Brazil interviewed the odious Gary Bushell about comedy and in particular Bob Monkouse.
Brazil: "How is Bob's health these days?"
The Odious Bushell: "Er...he died, Alan."

* The Cronje Incident
He just never learned. In a pre-Cricket World Cup interview with TalkSport's cricket commentator...
Brazil: "Will Hansie be doing any commentaries for us during the World Cup?"
Cricket man: "Well not unless he's going to be doing them from the grave, Alan."

* The Boozy Prize
"Our talking point this morning is George Best, his liver transplant and the booze culture in football. Don't forget, the best caller wins a crate of John Smith's..."

* Commentary Classics
"He held his head in his hands as it flashed past the post."
"The tackles are coming in thick and thin."
"Roy Keane, his face punches the air..."
"...the Derby fans walking home absolutely silent in their cars."

* Memories Of Brazil
"One moment I'm playing football and the next - whack - I wake up in hospital unconscious."

* A Meeting Of Minds
Brazil: "I'm delighted to say we've got Sir Bobby Robson on the end of the phone, fresh from getting his knighthood at Buckingham Palace. Bobby, terrific news..."
Sir Bobby Robson: "What is?"
Brazil: "You know, getting the old sword on the shoulder from Prince Charlie."
Sir Bob: "Eh? [Long pause] Oh yeah...well, it was a day I'll never forget..."

* Brazil On Fergie
"The man is United through and through - cut him and he bleeds red."

* Keeping It In Perspective
The day after Wayne Rooney's debut hat-trick for Manchester United against Turkish side Fenerbahce, Brazil could think of little else...
Talksport newsreader: "Two bombs have exploded outside branches of the British Bank HSBC in Turkey..."
Brazil (excitedly interrupting him): "By the way, three more bombs were unleashed on Turkey last night..."
Newsreader (slightly embarrassed): "Yes, but it's not quite the same though."

* Some Brazil Ideas
Removing September 11 from the calendar? As in: "Let's not give those evil sods that did this the satisfaction of having an anniversary for their deeds. Let's skip from the 10th straight through to the 12th." It was suggested that the rogue day would be added on to the end of September. Or possibly February.
Sinking the ship that was holding asylum-seekers off the coast of Australia. The BSC [Broadcasting Standards Commission] 'found that he had ignored human dignity and that his comment had gone beyond what was acceptable'.

* The Scotland/Faroe Islands Call
For once, not Brazil's fault but a genuinely funny moment on his and Mike Parry's breakfast show - the day after a 1-1 draw between Scotland and the Faroe Islands...
Alan Brazil: "We have Jim on the line who wants to discuss the Faroe Islands/Scotland game."
Jim: "Thanks...er yeah. Just want to say it's an absolute disgrace. I mean, we're playing probably the weakest side in world football and we can't do better than a draw."
Brazil: "It was a poor result?"
Jim: "Poor result! Poor result! It's absolutely scandalous. The manager has lost the plot completely, he's got to go. I know we've never set the world alight over the years on the international stage but I can't remember things being this bad. It's the end for us. The absolute end. I can't see us ever recovering from a setback like this. We're a complete laughing stock."
Parry: "Look, Jim, I know it seems bad now but there's still a long way to go. I can't see you qualifying for Euro 2004 but hopefully things will improve."
Jim: "I never expected for a moment we would qualify. I don't mind that so much. We're not good enough. But listen, to not qualify is one thing, but to fail to beat a team like Scotland is a different matter. It's a bitter blow for everyone here on the islands."