Complaint letter

[Declan]

Jarrod Byrne
Underground Maintenance Planner
Bounty Gold Mine, MtHolland
Forrestania, WesternAustralia
Tel(090)394527,Fax(090)394528

Nissan Motor Co(Australia)Pty.Ltd.
C/O244WelshpoolRd,Welshpool
W.A.6106

ATTENTION:Mr Neville Green, General Manager—National Parts

DearSir,

I would like to bring to your attention some serious faults in Nissan Motor Co in regard to parts availability, lead times and pricing. Currently we have a Nissan W40 Civilian bus that we cannot use to transport staff to and from the mine. The reason this bus is not operational is not labour or condition related, it is because of a denial on the part of yourself and Nissan Motor Co to adequately supply your clientele with parts. I give you the example of the following items:
ITEM   PART NUMBER   QUANTITY BEGGED FOR
Nut   NI-40208-00221   10
Washer   NI-40208-82100   10
Seal-Oil   NI-48252-32100   2
Wheel Rim   NI-40800-99071   2
Drum Brake   NI-40206-T8100   2
Hub Bolt   NI-40222-J5625   10
Brake Shoes   NI-43060-T9627   1
Nut   NI-40224-J5610   10
Nut   NI-48226-J5610   10

Of these items I tried to purchase, only 3 are available in W.A. It stretches the bounds of credulity that items such as wheel nuts (a consumable in most of the known world) are available with a lead time of 4 days-ex east. What resoundingly snaps the bounds of credulity clean in half is that items such as brake shoes are ex Japan (6 weeks). I cannot deny the effectiveness of these components, they not only slow the bus down, they have the ability to stop

it stone f**king dead for 6 weeks! I didn't even bother enquiring availability on such complicated parts such as washers etc. — the only washers in stock would be — Washer? Wind f**k out of this customer and tell him it's ex east.

On the rare occasion we have been delivered parts within an acceptable time period, they have been entirely wrong. It is not that the wrong parts are ordered, it is that some of your parts interpreters are so green I couldn't set them on fire with petrol.

These are not isolated incidents, they occur every time we try to purchase parts, from $10.00 hoses, at $109.40 each, through to internal gearbox components that are second only to thermonuclear warheads in their capacity to annihlate all that surrounds them.

It is astounding that in this day of interstate air and road transport at least 6 times a day, you peanuts take 4 days to get a part across the country. May I suggest you stop freighting the parts with Nissan transport vehicles as the 3 week delay in Nissan's 24 hr roadside assist is becoming too much for us to bear.

I could elaborate on the complete frustration I feel from trying to keep the bus on the road safely. Suffice to say the bus driver now has a firm belief in the afterlife and we haven't ruled out danger money for the position.

Please don't get me wrong, I could handle the first 35 times of being fucked around, (the apologetic kiss from customer support was always welcome). Now that you've turned it into a bizarre form of sado-masochism complete with scratching and biting, I feel I have to complain...

I look forward to discussing every single frustrating event of the past 8 months with you.

I SINCERELY HOPE YOU c***ts NEVER BUILD PLANES

Yours in utter amazement,

Jarrod Byrne

CC.
MR JOHN COSTELLO   MANAGER, FLEET AND SPECIAL MARKETS, NISSAN AUSTRALIA
MR BRUCE ANDERSON   MINE MANAGER, NORMANDY MINING
MR IAN BIRD   U/G MANAGER, NORMANDY MINING
MR DEAN HUGHES   U/G MAINTENANCE ENGINEER, NORMANDY MINING
MS JAN EVANS   SITE SECETARY, NORMANDY MINING
MR ROBERT WHITING   PURCHASING OFFICER, NORMANDY MINING
MR ANDREW MOSES   OWNER, HOLLETON EARTHMOVING
MR PETER CUE   OWNER, WORKFORCE PLANT HIRE
MR HARVEY KING   REGIONAL MANAGER, MONADELPHOUS
MR ALEX COOPER   DIVISIONAL MANAGER, MONADELPHOUS
MR RAY MILLER   TECH. SUPPORT SUPERVISOR, MONADELPHOUS
MR REX ANDREWS   CHIEF PURCHASING OFFICER, MONODELPHOUS
MR EDDY LOK    MECHANICAL SUPERVISOR , MONODELPHOUS
MR JOHN ECKHART   FABRICATION SUPERVISOR, MONODELPHOUS
MR PATRICK McKENNA   STATE CONTRACTS MANAGER, ATLAS COPCO
MR TED CORDINA   PERTH SERVICE MANAGER, ATLAS COPCO
MR GERRY O'CONNOR   CONTRACTS SUPERVISOR, ATLAS COPCO
MR ALEC TYRELL   CONTRACTS SUPERVISOR, ATLAS COPCO
MR MICHAEL GANT   WORKSHOP SUPERVISOR — PERTH, ATLAS COPCO

AND

EVERY PERSON I TALK TO BETWEEN NOW AND WHEN I GET SOME SATISFACTION

[pintsofguinness]

Badly written and abusing gets you no where.

[ludermor]

Did anyone ever see the letter sent by an employee of Pierce Contracting to a lift supplier ( Schindler i think) , it was class!! will have to see if i can dig it out!

[Declan]

Allegedly a true email sent to the force,
Dear Sir/Madam/Automated telephone answering service,

Having spent the past twenty minutes waiting for someone at Bodmin police station to pick up a telephone I have decided to abandon the idea and try e mailing you instead.

Perhaps you would be so kind as to pass this message on to your colleagues in Bodmin, by means of smoke signal, carrier pigeon or Ouija board.

As I'm writing this e-mail there are eleven failed medical experiments (I think you call them youths) in St Mary's Crescent, which is just off St Mary's Road in Bodmin.

Six of them seem happy enough to play a game which involves kicking a football against an iron gate with the force of a meteorite. This causes an earth shattering CLANG! which rings throughout the entire  building. This game is now in its third week and as I am unsure how the scoring system works, I have no idea if it will end any time soon.

The remaining five failed-abortions are happily rummaging through several bags of rubbish and items of furniture that someone has so thoughtfully dumped beside the wheelie bins. One of them has found a saw and is setting about a discarded chair like a  beaver on ecstasy pills.

I fear that it's only a matter of time before they turn their limited attention to the caravan gas bottle that is lying on its side between the two bins.  If they could be relied on to only blow their own arms and legs off then I would happily leave them to it. I would even go so far as to lend them the matches.

Unfortunately they are far more likely to blow up half the street with them and I've just finished decorating the kitchen.

What I suggest is this - after replying to this e-mail with worthless assurances that the matter is being looked into and will be dealt with, why not leave it until the one night of the year (probably bath night) when there are no mutants around then drive up the street in a Panda car before doing a three point turn and disappearing again. This will of course serve no other purpose than to remind us what policemen actually look like.

I trust that when I take a claw hammer to the skull of one of these throwbacks you'll do me the same courtesy of giving me a four month head start before coming to arrest me.

I remain your obedient servant

?

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Mr ,

I have read your e-mail and understand your frustration at the problems caused by youths playing in the area and the problems you have encountered in trying to contact the police.

As the Community Beat Officer for your street I would like to extend an offer of discussing the matter fully with you.

Should you wish to discuss the matter, please provide contact details (address / telephone number) and when may be suitable.

Regards

PC ?
Community Beat Officer

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear PC ?

First of all I would like to thank you for the speedy response to my original e-mail.

16 hours and 38 minutes must be a personal record for Bodmin Police Station, and rest assured that I will forward these details to Norris McWhirter for inclusion in his next Guinness book.

Secondly I was delighted to hear that our street has its own Community Beat Officer.

May I be the first to congratulate you on your covert skills? In the five or so years I have lived in St Mary's Crescent , I have never seen you. Do you hide up a tree or have you gone deep undercover and infiltrated the gang itself? Are you the one with the acne and the moustache on his forehead or the one  with a chin like a wash hand basin? It's surely only a matter of time before you are head-hunted by MI5 to look for Osama.

Whilst I realise that there may be far more serious crimes taking place in Bodmin, such as smoking in a public place or being Christian without due care and attention, is it too much to ask for a policeman to explain (using words of no more than two syllables at a time) to these twats that they might want to play their strange football game elsewhere.

The pitch on Fairpark Road , or the one at Priory Park are both within spitting distance as is the bottom of the Par Dock, the latter being the preferred option especially if the tide is in.

Should you wish to discuss these matters further you should feel free to contact me on <?>. If after 25 minutes I have still failed to answer, I'll buy you a large one in the Cat and Fiddle Pub.

Regards


P.S If you think that this is sarcasm, think yourself lucky that you don't work for the sewerage department with whom I am also in contact!!!

[deiseach]

Badly written and abusing gets you no where.

It seems he wasn't abusive in the orginal letter - http://www.snopes.com/business/consumer/nissan.asp