Bro Jolley announces engagement

[Ludraman]

From twitter @brojolley 

After years of being courted by many adequate but uninspiring suitors, I, Bro Jolley, would like to announce my engagment to....myself.

And I would also like to say that we are thrilled. We couldn't be happier at this time. I think we are the perfect couple and we will compliment each other profoundly and completely. Being intellectuals will mean we can never take each other for granted. People may have thought I would go for a baywatch babe, and Lord knows they threw themselves at my feet - like Tyrone forwards in a tight match - but I was never interested in swimming. I am more a looks man and I have found the ultimate beauty. How we laugh at each other's witty retorts and it is almost like a mirror image of my wonderful sense of humour, so it is.

We have decided to hold the ceremony at Croke Park. It will be a huge honour for the old stadium and will be a day that will be remember fondly in the annals. Speaking of annals, my best men will be Spat Pillane and Rolm O'Courke. We asked Conor Mortimor and Ciaran McDonald to be bridesmaids but for some reason they turned us down. Thankfully Sean Kavanagh accepted, at least that is how I interpreted his reply of: "Yes I will definitely be there as long as I can tie the knot myself - around your **missing text** neck!".

We had a shortlist of potential celebrants, who all offered their services, but in the end we had to go for Bono. We felt Big Ian was only interested in self-promotion, while Pope Francis was just too keen and his application form dress-code suggestion of 'sandals' was bang out of order. Gim McJuinness was also convincing, but I just think he is sooo 2012. Anyway Bono was the only one who didn't object to Amhrán na BhFainn being played nonstop for the entire ceremony by the Artane Boys Band and sung by Crystal Swing. We selected that duo ahead of One Direction because there was no way I was having a band named after Sean Kavanagh's dummy. Just we joke there Sean, haha I know he doesn't mind.

We wanted to have the wedding broadcast live on RTE, but our contract with GIT Magazine procluded us from this possiblity. I know our many fans will be disappointed but there is loads more of us to come. And sure GIT will have a special video edition out the month afterwards.

[lynchbhoy]

Would have thought his cheaper preferred singers option would be 'francie & Ann' who were famed for their choral exploits in early 80's bbc1 Folk music tv programme 'as I roved out' !