I don't know about all of ye but sometimes I just wonder. It's incredibly difficult to break on through this dark feeling. I'm a young guy, middle class and a well paid professional. I have seen a counsellor and psychotherapist in the last couple of years. I've stopped drinking(even though I drank f**k allin earnest), I've been swimming twice a week for months but I've started to isolate myself once again. I don't know if it's the dark evenings but I'm not replying to friends texts to go for a night out or cinema or whatever. The thought of going out with them feels me with anxiety due to guilt about having a bit of craic.I can't break this cycle!!! I think I'm doing well but then these self depreciating thoughts crops up again. My wife works extremely hard as do I and the kids are at a very difficult age however she's definitely not mixing her words one bit with me. I feel I do shit loads and sacrifice a lot but I really do get it with both barrels from her which is totally unjustified I feel. I certainly respect her a lot more. I haven't had a sleep in, in nearly 7 years and I do all I can to keep the peace. Actually a couple of my friends have stopped contacting me because I cancel arrangements a lot of the time. I've no connection to the rest of my family because they have their own shit going on and my mother only cares about her partner and when her next night out is. My children are the most important people in my life and I would cut my hands off for them. I remember how much passionate I used to be about Mayo winning Sam and such laughs and banter I'd have with the lads.Right now though its just about me surviving and I feel so alone with a wish that just someone would give me a f**king break and realise that I'm really doing my level best. My heart is in the right place all the time but at lot of those closest to me want to really make me feel as small as possible. I'm not going to give up on it as my children are so beautiful and vunerable but f**k me it's getting so hard. I know I'm my own worst enemy isolating myself but I feel so guilty 'enjoying' myself when I should be fresh and there for my kids and wife all the time.
I apologise if this sounds a little long winded and self indulgent but I just wanted to write down my thoughts and place them here in what I hope is an unassuming and not a judging place like this forum.
I apologise if this sounds a little long winded and self indulgent but I just wanted to write down my thoughts and place them here in what I hope is an unassuming and not a judging place like this forum.
