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Where soft All-Irelands are accumulated
Where any win over Tyrone is greeted with tears of joy
Where referees are the crucial ingredient to your success
Where any football that beats you isn't football
Where you're more green than gold

Where Kerrymaid is made

The 'Kingdom', 2014. Exceptional All-Ireland champions: never before had such a modestly gifted panel won an All-Ireland title. Yes, they stumbled laughably, but they made it. Not without Cormac Reilly, not without a pathetically short sighted Donegal gameplan, not without flaw. But the imperfection of the fairytale, ironically, marked it out as perfect.

Most of us presumed that normality would be restored in 2015, but the rustbucket trundles on! Tipperary broke down with the achievable coming into view, Cork were pickpocketed by Hughes, Tyrone made the wrong decisions at crucial times. And here the 'Kingdom' are, waiting for one of the two best teams in the country in the final! Just when you thought the fairytale would end with the rabbit consumed by a veritable lion, the corpse is shat out and lives to fight on; Cormac Reilly will be named as referee for the final!

Place your bets!

Having finally conquered a much weakened version of their arch-nemesis last Sundau (albeit just about), supporters of the 'Kingdom' rejoiced, cried, hugged each other. This was their All-Ireland. They know what lies in store.

Their defensive coherence akin to that of the Red Sea's, the 'Kingdom' will be found out by a superior force in the final, be it Dublin or Mayo. Eamonn Fitzmaurice can only carry his beleagured troops so far. If he can seal victory with the worst ever two-in-a-row winning team in history, he deserves the height of credit. But maybe even the Lord can't make this happen for the 'Kingdom'.

This list is by no means exhaustive, so if you can think of any more incidents, I urge you to contact me.

1. They did not instigate an era of negative, cynical football.
2. They never eye gouged Colm Cooper in the 2005 final when he was running riot.
3. They did not participate in a particularly infamous league game against Dublin in 2006.
4. Their club Derrytresk's players and supporters did not behave disgustingly in an All-Ireland club semi-final some years ago.
5. Seán Cavanagh never dragged down anyone from Monaghan or elsewhere when he was in on goal with a game in the balance.
6. Because other teams are cynical, however less often than Tyrone, then any cynical behaviour from Tyrone is not of importance. Not that they are cynical, in fact they aren't!
7. Their Under-21's did nothing out of the way to an outraged Tipperary side this year.
8. A Donegal minor crying after a game they won by six points? Don't look at Tyrone, nothing to do with them gov!
9. Their admittedly very good performance against Monaghan was in no way soured by horrible, cynical behaviour thereafter. Tiernan McCann was not even playing, if anyone asks.
10. Their supporters have never, ever condoned cynical, dirty behaviour. That's why they support TYRONE!

I was disappointed to see that neither RTE or Sky are broadcasting today's match from Thurles. Are RTE streaming the game? Tipperary will win today, and I am chomping at the bit. It would be a shame to miss such a treat.

After their heartwarming triumph in 2014, Kerry are once again underdogs for 2015. That's understandable. Can the Cinderella story be repeated? Realistically not. Realism must be the order of the day, and this strong footballing county will be in no doubt as to their limitations. They were hilariously fortunate in 2014, but none of us were complaining. It was nice to see a team like that winning the All-Ireland.

Kerry will probably face Tipperary in the Munster semi-final. Is it beyond Kerry to win that match? Tipp will be very confident, of course, but I think Kerry can make it to a Munster final again. They would not beat Cork, but they surely have a decent chance of making it to Croke Park again.

Kerry can aim high again in 2015. Lightening won't strike twice, but there's nothing to suggest that they're not one of the top ten footballing teams in the country right now. I hope they can put the doubters in their place.

They rode their luck in 2014, but hopes are high for the Kingdom again in 2015. That hope is misguided, to put it mildly. Kerry's 2014 outfit were probably the worst team to win the All-Ireland in the last 40 years. They were helped over the line by the ineffective tactics of Donegal in the All-Ireland final, while Mayo choked badly the first day out and were undone by a laughable refereeing performance in the second. That said, they still struggled to finish the job.

2015 will see the Kingdom crash and burn. But at what point will their naïve hopes be dashed? I firmly believe that Tipperary will overturn them in Munster, and although many will greet it as a real Cinderella story, it will actually be a fair reflection of where both counties are right now.

To be fair to Kerry, they are definitely among the ten best teams in the country, so I fancy them to negotiate a few assignments in the qualifiers. That said, I'd be surprised if they make it to Croke Park. Kerry will be best served aiming for a Munster title, but even that should be beyond their reach.

The GAA has refused to name a man who has appeared in a video released today by members of an extremist group of Tyrone football supporters. The man, believed to be a prominent Gaelic Games journalist, appears in the video dressed in a bright orange Armagh jersey. He was forced to retract his beliefs at knifepoint. A hooded man then read a statement claiming that the man will be released, but future hostages will be less fortunate unless reporters North and South of the border refrain from reporting the transgressions of their county team.

The Tyrone CB will tomorrow launch a thorough ten minute investigation. Tyrone supporters have responded to the disgusting video by stating that while they do not condone such behaviour, groups in the Middle East have been at the same and worse for years.

How long does it take for a penny to drop in the zero-gravity county?