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Is anyone here willing to come clean about the above?

It would be a great message to send out by the GAA that we can talk about these things.

I did sunbeds.

Is there any point in children these days? All they seem to do is wreck things and dig up your garden. Is it possible to make toddlers become adults when four and force them to work and fend for themselves? With ipads and GPS it mightn't be as far fetched as you think.

Does anyone know where there is one?

Is it possible to do that?

1. What was the time (in Ireland), to the nearest 10 minutes, when David O'Leary scored against Romania?
2. Did it rain on Christmas Day 2005?
3. What is the 100th word in Catch 22?
4. How much is it for a glass of rose wine in the Kremlin right now?
5. When the Pope landed in Ireland, which foot touched the ground first?
6. How many matches did Clint Eastwood chew in The Good, The Bad and The Ugly?

I was reading about that part of the world 2000 years ago and there were a pile of Jesuses knocking about but he was the best, like Paul Daniels v Tommy Cooper.

I think it was Einstein who said there is a book in everyone - you just have to write it.

You just need to find a niche. Researching a new area seems to be a surefire success.

Was thinking:

REDNECK COCAINE: The increasing prevalence of crystal methamphetamine usage amongst junior footballers in Fermanagh and Cavan.
SPIKED: The difficulty of badger love-making.

Any others?

With the flag issue seeing a balanced argument, where do people lie on Lionel Richie?

On one hand he wrote that song about the blind girl who didn't know who was in the room but on the other hand he's a bit sinister.

I was reading a book by Thomas Sheridan called Puzzling People. It helps you identify psychopaths. Going by it every lesbian I know fits the bill. Having considered the criteria:

•glib and superficial charm
•grandiose (exaggeratedly high) estimation of self
•need for stimulation
•pathological lying
•cunning and manipulativeness
•lack of remorse or guilt
•shallow affect (superficial emotional responsiveness)
•callousness and lack of empathy
•parasitic lifestyle
•poor behavioral controls
•sexual promiscuity
•early behavior problems
•lack of realistic long-term goals
•impulsivity
•irresponsibility
•failure to accept responsibility for own actions
•many short-term marital relationships
•juvenile delinquency
•revocation of conditional release
•criminal versatility

It is obvious that the following are possibly psychopaths:

Bono
Dana

Are there any others?

Recently I have been finding out things that are going on like the Free Masons and Knights of Columbus etc in and around where I live. Last night I attended a ouiji board night and we just sat around drinking warm milk and telling stories about ghosts before doing the ouiji but got bored and played Monopoly instead.

Is anyone aware of any occult things going on in Ireland that aren't common knowledge maybe? Paganism is reportedly on the rise in the midlands and Carlow.

In my day:

1. We'd steal gates off the neighbours
2. We'd egg the Police
3. Set the primary school alight
4. Build a bonfire for weeks from jotters and tyres
5. Wear cheap masks that made you sweat badly.
6. Ate nuts
7. Ate apple tarts with a 20p in it.

This week I shed a tear at the demise of BBC2 on analogue TV, or as I call it, TV. To be honest, I bawled tears when I turned over and it was gone. All I could think of were the great moments of Red Dwarf, Twin Peaks, Dear John and the times the continuity man ballsed it up.

Then I got thinking of Puff Candys. They're gone too.

Has anything else completely disappeared in recent years (20 years), and never will return? The Topper?

Does anyone know what to do with a cat that keeps sneezing? It has been sneezing for a week now and both its eyes are shut from the eye mucus you get from a bad cold. So the cat is sneezing and temporarily blind. It's not even a cat but just a ball of fur sitting there sneezing. They say you cannot bring a horse to the well and eat it well I have to grab the cat by the nape and drag it to its food. Any advice?

This is a good time to spot the things that make winners. I'm amazed the English didn't do this 7 years ago. They'd have cleaned up.

It has become abundantly clear that to win the swimming you need to be very long as in a long face with a long nose. The men have to have bigger upper body than lower waist area and then long legs. I know of a few boys like that. The man who played Miley would be a case in point. The women have no breasts whatsoever. If the government have any intention of raising the spirits in 4 years time they'd round up all the long faces and small chested women and train them.

All the judo players seem to be low set, angry with oriental appearance. There are plenty of these about the cities in Ireland. I'll be watching the athletics with interest.

There's no reason why Ireland and GB can't win what France are winning. The difference is lifestyle and attitude to sport.

That means I go out with my friends.

Does anyone know many foreign phrases that'd be useful. We're not good at foreign language.

http://gu.com/p/399an/tw

Well, well, well. So who else needs pardoned ? I can't believe these people were criminals back then.

Unfortunately I've never cried, even as a baby.

Do people cry regularly?

I was reading on the computer that the population is rising all the time. This here thing scares the life out of me - http://www.worldometers.info/

Something has to be done and no one is talking about it. I'm not advocating mass slaughter of a certain trait i.e. all redheads under the age of 30 are to be exterminated because that won't work. If the government announced on the 6 o'clock news that all redheaded men and women under 35 are to be shot then you'd have people straight up into their bathrooms dying their hair. Then that would leave only celebrities like Nicole Kidman, Hector or Paul Scholes getting shot because they can't deny it and that's not fair just because they're talented.

Birth control is one thing. The Chinese told all people that if they have more than one child in their family then they would 'visit' them. I don't know what the punishment was but I'd say wrecking the house etc was carried out. I think Bertie Ahern should come out and tell all newly weds that they are limited to two children. If they have any more, that child will not have access to education or health that's free, and will be ostracised at carnivals, functions or even national holidays like St Patrick's Day. It needs to be brutal.

Also, perhaps it's time to push for more gay marriages. Maybe you don't have to be gay and two lads just decide to get married to slow down the whole population. They can sleep in single beds etc but still must go to parties etc as partners.

More thought and incentives need to be thought out now. Personally I think the population rise is more deadly that the holes in the ozone. We cut out spray deodorants and that has worked. Now we must act on births. Maybe having sex but stopping after 20 seconds or something and if it goes on longer then a government official pops up and shouts STOP via satellite etc.

More ideas welcome.

[THE FEMINIST]

What do people think about it?

I saw this on the Internet and it summed it up for me.

THE FEMINIST

There once was a guy who called a lassie "one ugly b**tard". Right to her face.

Misogynist? A p***k? Far from it. The funny thing is, the guy was brand new. A feminist, even.

He thought, well, he didn't mind if somebody called him "one ugly b**tard". He'd just laugh it off. Most guys would, he thought. And any guy who didn't, any guy who got upset, would have the piss taken out of him even more.

So what was the difference in saying it to a woman? Why did it seem worse? His theory was thus.

All throughout history, men have imposed their values upon women using physical strength. The power gained through brute force has been used to gain power over the mind, by excluding women from education, religion, voting and so on.

After time, the values of men, written by men, distributed by men, become values for all people. What is seen to be desirable or undesirable to men become desirable or undesirable for all.

So what is a woman's worth when she is seen as worthless intellectually? How have heterosexual men judged a woman's worth if not for her mind?

For her body.

Is she beautiful? If not, she is of no worth.

And that, the guy thought, is what women have been taught to believe. After thousands of years, enduring scores of patriarchal cultures serving the base desires of men, women have taught themselves to believe that their beauty is paramount.

He thought that was wrong. He thought women should enjoy the luxury of laughing off negative remarks on their appearance, as men do, for the female of the species has a greater worth, far greater than the male.

Anyway, she got her boyfriend to put the c*nt in hospital.

I was reading about the boy teacher who was sacked because he tried to make maths fun but went too far for the authorities.
I think it's a disgrace and that his ideas should be introduced to the NI curriculum.

'I took a nap in a bog one day and woke up screaming. 3796 leeches, 2910 fleas and 1044 vampire bats were stuck to my bald head drinking my blood in ecstasy. How many bloodthirsty bloodsuckers were dining on my head?'

'John's father gave him 1359 marbles on his birthday. John swallowed 585 marbles and died. 9 of John's friends came for his funeral the next day. John's grieving father gave the remaining marbles to John's friends in equal numbers. How many marbles did each friend get?'






Are there any local maths puzzles that'll make maths fun for our primary school children like these?

It's the summer solstice tomorrow. Is anyone doing anything for it?

My family have always acknowledged the sun when it's closest to us by undertaking a variety of pagan rituals for the craic. It always finishes around midnight at a graveyard of a relative where we mockingly try to raise him from the dead by singing songs from the Beegees or Abba whilst dancing around the grave. Sometimes it goes too far and the drunkest ones start digging but it's usually quashed before the unthinkable appears.

Are there are festivals on tomorrow to celebrate it?